This is the Closest to Drunk, that I've ever been

And I don't wanna do anything now..

And all I could do was to sleep in
And all I could feel was to vomit
When sooner or later I woke up
I just realised it's 5 freaking pm

Hope you got the song reference (:
But yea, this is such a fantastic experience I shall blog about it while waiting for dinner (or whatever food that my stomach can take) in 30 minutes.

No worries, I have tons of biofuel in my body in terms of alcohols, this should provide me with lots of energy hehe.

So shame the culprits I shall:
Yuan Ming, Thanh, Jia Rong, Yanling, Theodore, Sey Chee, Leon

But yep, it was a whole hell of fun. Like pure fun. And Sey Chee gets special honourable mention for being so funny and cute (and she just drinks when told to do so without much resistant lol-worthy)
And knowing that you are in a bunch of friends you feel ok to just drink. And I have nothing on in the morning, so hell yea!

But I wasn't entirely drunk though, just having that disoriented feeling. I could walk back to my room unassisted, but Yuan Ming was kindly around in case anything happens. (And of course that random 5am message on the REP whatsapp group, idk but I just saw the first group that I knew Yuan Ming was in and hence I just posted in there)

But it was the aftermath that hit. I think because I wasn't that drunk I did not vomit last night (or this early morning - We stayed till around 4.30am and I slept at 5am) So after lunch (yep I had lunch), my stomach suddenly felt damn weird, and like vomiting. So while trying to have conversations with friends my stomach was feeling like shit. And I don't want to vomit because vomiting is such a terrible and horrendous experience (link to Bangkok trip when I got food poisoning). End up, enough was enough, I just went back to sleep.

So now I am going for dinner.. shall choose my food wisely. No dairy, and no food that's harsh on the stomach. There must be still alcohol in there, waiting to vomit.

But still, I had fun. And this is a good experience.

Random thoughts

Yes! Finally completed an assignment in one day of sitting (ok, I completed the easiest question 1, but managed to tackle the last 3 questions in the afternoon + night).
Frustrating, but nonetheless that sense of achievement is still awesome. There's like the 4 stages of guilt finding an error in your workings:
1. Horror (OMG!)
2. Self-denigration (wts, why am I so toopid?)
3. Denial (am I really wrong? sure or not?)
4. Relent (haiz, just redo ..) OR IDGAF (screw this shit)

So I had the glorious opportunity to experience that roller coaster of emotions multiple times today. Let's say those rides taught me to become more careful and know which are the areas that carelessness breeds.

Other random things:
1. Akin to another post, sometimes I still feel I am on vacation. In the sense, I am still a tourist, just living here for a year.
2. My flatulence smells really different from that in Singapore (idk, I have no clue what caused the change)
3. We are spending hours on assignments that contribute to a measly sum (as low as 0.4%/homework) to our final grades - but they definitely provide more value such as revision and practice
4. I am growing long hair. Like I am now breaking personal records for hair length every day I wake up. Matthew suggests I put on a mullet. It's pretty cool too, I like rockers with rockingly long hair. It just puts an extra cool factor to these people. But idk whether I can pull this off =/
5. We are beginning to fall into a routine
6. Have to resist adding more load into the already packed schedules. Might seem unpacked at times, but that's because "let's do this another time"
7. Still focusing on EWB, and getting inspired to add a continuity back home
8. And focusing on some key friends - not enough time and spare effort to get to know everyone else in a deeper level. This will take time, but I think it will bear fruit.
9. And not forgetting those abroad (home included). Appreciate, communicate and reciprocate.
10. Money outflow >>>>> money inflow
11. Planning trips is both fun, yet mentally exhausting.
12. Still on mousehunt (lol)
13. Stupid US$15 TP-Link wireless adapter is causing more inconvenience than convenience
14. Have to stop getting jealous of others who are more capable (or seemingly). Sometimes it just sucks when you see others who seem to "beat" you in every aspect of your life, it's like shoving the phrase "what have you been doing" down your throat
15. What do I want to be known as?
16. It's getting more and more random the more I type. Probably cause the clock says 12.22AM
17. DOUBLE RAINBOWS! Lazy to post, but it's on insta :D
18. And omg, can you imagine a university which rear cows for dairy as well as butchering? The cows are literally there for you to touch. And I touched cows. Moo~
19. I really like driving. I appreciate whoever who lets me drive. Vroom vroom.
20. H.a.v.e...t.o...s.p.e.a.k...s.l.o.w.e.r... or rather, enunciate my words better.
21. Stay in shape! Can't stress this importance enough. Have to maintain my regime.
22. Supposed to be planning for my 2 trips, which seemed so far away the last time I thought about it, but to think about it they will be made in less than a month's time
23. MY CAREER ): ):
24. Why am I concerning myself with so much stuff?
25. It's awkward in dance clubs when you don't know 90% of the songs =/
26. I think it's time to sleep. My eyes are going to call it a day.

And of course, thanks for reading (:
More smileys (: (: (:
(somehow I have this funny notion that smileys are trademarked by me, and others who use this (: smiley (the bracket first) are infringing my copyright)

Maybe I am actually a hardcore extrovert but I have yet to fully understand it.

From Carina:

Because coming back for people puts a lot of pressure on them, and it can sometimes be disappointing. You realise you're very dispensable. But it also teaches you to be okay. Be okay with the fact that friends, life and all that stuff you use to put so much emphasis on, is actually not that important, and things are fleeting/nothing but momentary.

Succinctly said (ok maybe not so "succinct" as defined by the word). 
But being "okay" is something that I have yet to gripe with. I can say it, I act it out sometimes. But at the very root of it, I still refuse to accept it.

I try. I try sometimes. I try all the time. But the very idea/notion of this just haunts me.

And when you see other people who seem to be "best friends forever", so close, so tight together, I just can't help but be green with envy.

Of course, I made my choices, I have to live with it. But then, when will I be actually "okay"?

And I have to stop "pleasing" everyone. It's really getting tiring. And yes, I am dispensable. But is there such thing as people "on your side"? Isn't it a fact that people will generally not be on my side? I mean, there are so many people more popular/skilled/awesome/funnier/less controversial.

Maybe I am actually a hardcore extrovert but I have yet to fully understand it.

Purchasing the iPhone 5s

What consumed (kind of) my life for the past few days was over in a matter of minutes, or so I thought.
I had a problem, or rather, a new "want". There was no real need, but since I was about to get anyway, why not get it?

So here's the context: My current xiaomi is not getting any data speeds higher than 2G + it's battery life is declining (or so I think).

So I decided, why not just get a new phone and then stick to it. And if I want to get a new phone, let's get a good one, one that would last me 2 years at least.
And so I went about looking for iPhone 5 / 5S.

I thought, how about a second hand phone? As in, it won't be so crappy, and it would still last, because Apple right?

So I looked through Amazon, and then Germaine/Sean showed me this website which acts as a "flea market".

And I bought a second hand iPhone 5S for $450, and to think that I was happier?

Yes I was happy, but several considerations soon popped out:

1. Why was I so weak, and flinching? Should I have said no? The phone wasn't exactly in mint condition, and the front screen has some minor scratches
2. Should I have tried to negotiate more?
3. Shucks, now there are some things that Android has that iOS doesn't (think of widgets in home screen)
4. Should I have just spent the extra $150 (that's about 33% more) and bought a new fresh phone from Apple store?
5. Should I have risked and took a gamble and bought the iPhone 5S from Amazon which claimed to be in better condition and provided even the earphones - all for the same price?
6. Do I even need to get the phone in the first place?
7. Why not just get iPhone 5 instead of 5S? Do I really need that?

All the more I tried to pacify myself and fight the cognitive dissonance, the more I realised how contradictory I have become. Have I become so materialistic? Am I really someone who wants to always "win", as in trying to get the best of both worlds? 
Ugh... I have to stop and just accept my decisions.
I have made so many decisions, which only after "experiencing" it, then I realise my decisions were wrong. And thing is, I could have thought of it....

Ugh... 

The road ahead.

To improve my resume try out something new that Singapore does not seem to have (keyword "seem": I recently learnt of a club in NUS that also offers "consulting" services to companies in Singapore. In addition, there are marketing clubs in Singapore that have also established links with private companies. Just that probably these clubs are reserved for the super-elite or I just didn't bother/couldn't find them), I decided to apply for Imagical (a marketing group) and Berkeley Consulting (a consulting group) as they are both interesting and I am willing to invest 24/7 onto them.
However, my practical side sounded some alarms - a particularly strong one in fact: we (me and REP people) are only here for one year, and they (the clubs) will probably want members who can stay with them for as long as possible. Nonetheless, the defensive pessimist (or is it optimist/perseverant?) decided to try and apply for it, what's there to lose?

Lo and behold, all I got was some computer generated email from both sides:

Thank you for applying to Berkeley Consulting. Unfortunately, due to the competitive nature of the selection process, we regret to inform you that you have not been selected for a first round interview with Berkeley Consulting. 

I want to assure you that we considered your candidacy carefully and that it was a very difficult deliberation process given the number of extremely qualified applicants we received this semester.

Kind of expected, but this certainly was a direct stab in a heart. I mean, why don't you just provide me with an interview? Ok, maybe they have prevented me from wasting my time, but isn't this a good chance for you to use the interview to get to know other willing people? Ugh, oh well. My stubborn self made me waste 2 nights of my life (which could have been used for squash and homework).

Also, I have decided not to join the Squash team. Nope, I am not going to stop playing Squash, but I won't fork out the $300 required to be in the team. The $300 covers transport and some team outfits, but I feel that it will only be worth it if I get to play in competition. I know I am not up to par, but can't I wish for it sometimes? Well, squash to me is my "best relative" game, the one with the highest "comparative advantage". For the befuddled, there are significantly many more pros in badminton and basketball, the other sports that I can (defined as being able to engage in some level of game without having to spend much time picking balls) play, as compared to squash. 15 people will be recruited into the team, and I think I can make it to the team. But only the top 10 will be given the opportunity to play in competitions with other schools, and from my observations I definitely will not be able to make it - even if I mugged squash every night. C'mon an opportunity to travel around US and play with other people? That's like once in a lifetime experience + there's so many perks to it.. all for $300? (+ some possible extra fees) That's a real steal!

So what's my plan now. I am definitely not someone who is fine with doing nothing - I have come all the way here, and I have decided not to pick up the 150B course that the 10 other chemical engineer classmates have picked up = more free time more me!

But again, that quote still stays: You can do anything, but not everything.
After some rumination, here's a condensed list:

• Make some good international friends. Everyone can be a friend - it's pretty easy to make friends. But 99% (I'm exaggerating the numbers) of these people will be relegated to hi-bye friends. While we should maintain contact with people back home, now is a good chance to develop strong friendships with other people from around the world.
• Travel (and drive hehe) around California to appease my nature loving self
• Better my squash (I got a new racquet :D) - I will try to make it better so I can at least play properly back in NTU. Shoutout to Yu Rong and Leon who would probably be my squash buddies this year.
• Work extra hard in the Engineers Without Borders chapter in Berkeley. 

I think I should stop being a "jack of all trades", and try to master something, or at least be decently better than what I am now. Realised I have to play catch-up to simply too many things. 

Side note:

~$180. Vans for $30 (:

Went shopping at Livermore Outlet and here's my loot. Honestly I should have brought clothes so I don't need to buy. But that Gap T shirt was like USD$4, so why not? XD
and I think the pair of Vans was a splurge, but I probably need the other shoes. In fact I'm wearing the Columbia shoes now to break into them. And I realised I am a US 7.5 feet.
But I have to get more stuff - for the more "official" and "officy" look. Omg, I saw my watch for sale, but it wasn't on discount ): I actually thought it was out of season, as I last checked the online catalog it was absent - and it still is ):
And leather shoes. And a cardigan. (omg, shopaholic me)


And below is a random anvil I saw at a car workshop. Can you believe that there's an "F1" team in United States, where students actually build cars (some even built their own engines) and race? Like.. How cool is that? Joan would certainly love this ;)
 

Always see them in virtual games.

 

Reflections 2 weeks late

*Cue nice music*

Yes Sean, yes Joan ... This is certainly due. And I shall dive straight into it - and this time with little or no organisation. Anything that comes into my mind will be placed without significant rearrangements.

Here are some things that I picked up:

1. The word "big" just grew bigger when you travel from Singapore to US
2. There's just so much land everywhere you go
3. And animals too. Mooo. Mehhhh... *insert deer sound*
4. Air is significantly drier, and weather is cooler - but still bearable and in fact it's like permanent air-conditioning -> this means my feet is constantly wet (I have "sweaty palms and feet" in cold weather)
5. Everyone here is good in something, and when they are good, they are really good. Puts me into shame -> what am I doing with my life?
6. There's really so many cultures and other people in the world. The world is like FKING huge?
7. It's one thing to know, understand and read about; and another to experience it in full blast in your face
8. There are many Koreans in International House as well, we can probably fight with the Korean contingent
9. The system here supports alot of recycling, but somehow, paradoxically, some people do not bear the "recycling" or "save the earth" mentality. It's like you have recycle bins, we do drop in the food into compost bins and plastic bottles into the recycling bin for plastics, but we do not cut down on the initial consumption... It's like we have NEWater but we still waste water nonetheless
10. I like this campus because it makes people walk, and walk alot. It's like walking from Hall 11 to Can A everytime -> not too far, but not that near.
11. There is an epic fitness culture here, almost everyone is doing something related to health/fitness I think one can easily catch the fitness bug. It's all about making the decision to get out of the room, through the cool/cold air, into the sports facilities, and sweating it out and getting into shape. The sports facilities are almost always crowded with people. They might not be 80-90% occupied, but at least 40-50% full at ALL times - including off peak periods like mornings and mid day.
12. Making friends is 'easy', but actually creating a bonded relationship - that requires some effort. I think one can be easily "overwhelmed" with the number of "friends" you can have.
13. A term is coined: socialising saturation point / friendship saturation point
14. There are 2 ways to spend this time in CA, US:
• Do different things with the same people to deepen the relationship
• Do different things with different people to expand your circle
15. There's really so much thing to do and so little time.. which leads to
16. This quote: You can do anything, but you can't do everything.
17. Now I have to find things that lie in the "I want" & "I can" quadrant. Joining the established clubs just mean one thing: selection. And that's tough.
18. Now distance is calculated in hours, rather than just minutes.
19. Relatively laggy internet -> boo ):
20. More 花草树木 ;)
21. Simply more experiences lie ahead. Make a choice, and work with it. Grass is always greener on the other side, but be thankful that you have the opportunity to be where you are at the moment.
22. I like wearing caps + hoodies -> Gonna have a new style yo~ wassup~
23. And finally, more self actualisation. Who am I?

Yosemite

That's pretty much about it. Time to go for lunch then class ~

Thanks Clara for this wonderful photo.
I pretty much look like this everyday.

So she is now away. Challenge accepted.

And now, I am faced with several decisions.
Do I take the path least travelled? Or shall I search for other unbeaten tracks? Do I even have the courage to take on the path least travelled? Seems like I have been born with the silver spoon all the while, and all I have to do is to comply. But when I don't, disagreements will surface. Now what?

What do I actually want in life?
Financial freedom. Self-fulfillment. Mental stimulation. Health.

And how do I re-evaluate my friendships? Have I been too greedy, or probably overly confident of myself in my abilities? Could there be more one-sided relationships than I have thought?

The prospect of graduation and working is looming. 2 years left to go. Some planning must certainly start now.

Inspiration from old friend

If you think you are good, you are dead. Always keep learning.

Businessmen always go to where there are more successful people to learn from.

And sometimes, all you need is belief. If you truly believe in something, you will go all out for it.

Prophase I

So now is the short interim phase before that long phase overseas.
But I got 2 new things, ok.. 3 (including a mouse which I kinda bought on the fly right after exams, with the reason being me being unable to throw a grenade with the broken middle mouse button of my previous mouse, .. but the new mouse only costs $10 so... can pardon me hor? xD)

1. Bought a new Xiaomi Redmi phone.. which isn't red in colour because the red ones were sold out. Needed a relatively budget phone to replace my previous Ace 2 phone which had a black LCD tumour that was growing at the bottom left. Initially it consisted of a short line of dead pixels, but the disease spread and now the spot is practically as big as my thumb.

2. Finally was able to get an internship. And yep, can't say much about what I am doing because... classified (lol, joking), but rather I don't really know what I am doing yet. All I know I would be given a project to do, but what it will be about (and what I have to do) is still unknown.

So yea, life changes so quickly. Everyone is now either overseas, working, or not working. (lol like duh). And I am now thrown into the 8am - 5pm work cycle, and being a worker again.

Now to see if I would be willing to work in such an environment.

Chapter (x + 1)

Tomorrow marks my first day at work as a university undergraduate in an internship.
Excited to see what I can pick up, and also to experience how mundane work can be.
Grateful for the support and help that I have been provided with. Help is given to those who ask.
I have been blessed with this opportunity, better make full, good use of it. However, that being said, if you ask me now, I have no idea what my internship would be. Neither do I know my remuneration, my job scope yada yada. All I know is to turn up at that place, at that time.... and the rest will be history for the next 3 months.

So my chapter at hall 11 is likely to be closed, amid speculations about us shifting into new halls when we return. Even if I do get back to hall 11, the population there of people whom I would be familiar with would probably dwindle to a handful.

It is so interesting and intriguing how we take so long to build a relationship (i.e. with the hall), but a simple, single effort (i.e. simply depositing the key into the letter box) can end it so ever swiftly. Well, to be more specific, the physical relationship and physical closeness.
I would also not meet some of my friends in a year?

Learnt quite a bit in school.

I think after 2 years, I must admit that the "cliques phenomenon" is indisputably inevitable. And it is for the better good as well. Although it might create some drift between members of different clans, it also provides the members some form of support to turn to. Initially I was quite apprehensive about this "clique" thing, and steadfastly proclaim myself as "clique-less"; but then I realised I am into this "clique" thing as well.
But there's nothing to be ashamed of, it is alright to have a clique. But be more aware about others who are so-called-not-in-your-clique. It doesn't mean they are not in your "clique" you treat them as second-class friends. People in your clique might be the first whom you turn to, but these other friends living on the fringes are equally important as well - because you always need a plan B in case your clique collapses.

I have made more friends. And I intend to keep most of them. This time, I have more friends to stay in touch, but still the same 24 hours a day. Looks like I am in need of some time management.


Time to get a new phone. There are indeed so much wisdom in my friends, I cannot fathom how they know such stuff. Looking for the small rice, and had some "fun" scrambling around everywhere getting price quotes. 

And my tablet seems to be screwing up. Some China stuff seem to be working, and others seem to be relishing in bad reputation.

And I probably need to do another thought rumination process. Have to settle my priorities, and what to focus on.

After M&E Balance (totally unbalanced lor)

What a good night sleep. Actually, I woke up much earlier, but I decided to give my body the break it so greatly needs desires. It's when you let your body take over the mind, and utilise all sorts of cognitive dissonance to pacify your mind that you have the right to chill.

But do I have the right to chill? I still have another exam, and many more assignments to complete.
Work will never be complete, but this lack of "drive".. should I be unnerved by it?

Nonetheless, yesterday was a good day of enjoyment after a horrendous paper. I do hope I'll be able to attain my desired grade. I don't think it's really a far cry, although one can never be too sure - based on my 2 CAs in this semester.

It is quite refreshing to be (for lack of a better word) "partying" with a different group of friends. It's like there was some random sorting in class and we got grouped together; ok, maybe not so random since all of us were in the same course. 

Definitely I wasn't that close to most of them there, looking at who I spend time with. But there are little/random moments in class (and outside) where I did interact with them. But definitely not to party together.
It was great fun, and you get to learn a bit more about the nuances and eccentricities of each other. It is also probably a "confirmation" or refresher on who they really are.

One thing we are usually worried about is the worry of sending "negative signals" when we only invite a certain person, when you know that person is part of a clique. I think we ought to learn how to prepare ourselves against that. I believe we are mature enough to not to be too fussy when someone only invites your friend but not you? Maybe it's a sign that he/she is not that close to you enough, and if you wish to be closer... then make the move!

This semester is coming to a close soon. And the thought of taking that plane in August is .... indescribable. Trepidation, anxiety, anticipation, excitement.. it's really an amalgamation of feelings into one. 


And yes, I have to find a story about myself. End of the day, in the shower, who am I? What do I actually want? I find myself losing some interest in the many things I do, but some still do stand out... I have to explore them further?

Let's go

The game is on.

So much for false impressions, looks like there's some wake up call on the way?

Why it's good to urinate often

Through urination, you will lose 2% of your body's heat. 
By entropy law, dS = dQ/T

Since you can assume that your body's temperature is essentially the same at 310.05K, it means that you will experience dS < 0

dS < 0   MEANS you are LESS disordered!
Less disordered MEANS you can think better, and study better, and be less confused with life.

Hence to maintain one's sanity during this exam period, please go and urinate more.

Actually I'm kinda sick and spamming water to keep my perpetually thirsty throat satiated. All the water must go somewhere right? :P

Friends are for

that's what friends are for, motivate each other to waste time .. so that we will feel more urgent to complete our work when we are done with wasting time

History repeats itself

The phrase "History repeats itself" is one that is so well-known.

Yet many at times, we sincerely hope that our past don't catch up with us, yet there have been so many occasions where we simply can't let bygones be bygones, either that or our actions and decisions then would sneakily creep back up on us and haunt us once more in our present lives.

It can be a bittersweet experience, especially when you take a step back and see how the events in your life unfold. It can be even comical, hilarious or insanely funny how u seem to be never able to escape from anything, if anything at all.

Or maybe it's just us forming links between two seemingly related but actually just coincidental events.

But what's more pertinent is how you handle your past. Wise words dictate using the past to work on the future. That works sometimes, but when we do not want to relive our memories, how do we actually detach ourselves from the past?

On Being Wrong: Clear Communication, Willingness to Step Back and Disclosed Intentions

Key takeaway
We usually make this 3 assumptions of people who disagree with us:
1. The ignorance assumption : The person is ignorant
and if we find out the person has the same facts as us
2. The idiocy assumption : The person is just plain stupid to understand the facts
and if we find out the person is not such an idiot after all

3. The evil assumption : The person has secret underlying motives


Wrong or right is all about the matter of perspectives, and see who is able to "argue" or "debate" and present more convincing and reasonable arguments. Usually between 2 reasonable and logical (I would like to clarify that tending to emotional aspects is itself a logical act too) parties matters would be clarified quickly and amiably.

This is when factors such as obstinacy, misunderstanding and undisclosed intentions mess things up, resulting in heated arguments and cold war. And both side would harbour those negative thoughts about the other party (that he is such an idiot) and him/herself (why won't people listen to me).


Time to practice clear communication, willingness to step back, and disclose my intentions.

Now I know why you decide to join HOCC/Hall Dance for 2 years

"Now I know why you decide to join HOCC/Hall Dance for 2 years" - Guo Wen

Immense pride, with that feeling "I feel you bro" convulsing throughout me. And this gladness to have another person be on the same page as I (and the rest) am.

From the spectated to the spectating, it is a different experience.

If you haven't been spectated before, spectating would only mean a certain thing. There's only so much you can comprehend and understand to the statement: "They have worked so hard for this performance". But once you have gone through the experience and then sit in the audience seat would you be fully aware of what goes behind the scene. The long arduous training for that 5-10 minutes of showtime.

The blood (hopefully no literal blood) and sweat spent in the times culminating to the performance itself is a challenge by itself. But nonetheless victory is sweet, when you reached the realisation that you have conquered all those seemingly endless trainings leading to late nights unwillingly burnt and homework dreadfully left undone.

But this is not only limited to dance.

Many at times, such huge events are like stories and movies. You spend a significant amount of time and effort building up to the climax, which only spans a fraction of the total amount of time/effort spent in the entire storyline. We can read like 10 chapters of build-up before the protagonist finally faces the antagonist and engage in an epic duel that last 1-2 chapters before your page says "The End".

But this is what makes life interesting. We need not always have interesting things everyday, but we should have interesting things to work towards to. Isn't that what we look forward to in life?

Anyway good job to those who danced their hearts out today. May you taste that bittersweet liberation from dance. (Ji Inn, Guo Wen, Nisha, Daniel, Agnes, Mong, Jerald, Jun Jie, Jia Hui, Wei Ming) Probably only 1 or 2 would read this, but that's fine (: support need not be broadcasted

Succinct rants

Communication is still key in whatever we do. Misunderstandings lead to presumptions lead to unnecessary conflict and chaos.
Have been experiencing this several times these few days, or maybe I am now more aware of this problem.


Self motivation: the resilience to push on despite external pressure or lack of support/recognition. I can't find any scenario in which my resilience was pushed beyond its limits - have I been living in a comfort zone?
Why should we bother in things that people don't? Self-worth? Self-improvement? Sometimes the person you have to impress is yourself.


Inspiration. We seek inspiration from each other as extrinsic motivation: "If he/she can do it, so can I" or "I want prove to XXX that I can do YYY". When there is lack of inspiration in the relationship, that's when it can go downhill as there is nothing to keep the relationship alive. Without inspiration, there's only the mundane rambling of life, no spark of yearning or drive to get better.


I remember reading a post (I think by Sean or Jia jun) that making oneself busy actually helps improve our time management skills because time is now a scarce resource, hence we are forced to utilise time well (this comes with a price that you sometimes cannot afford to be "spontaneous"). Now that I am "free", am I spending time as I should be? Maybe I should start making some plans for the examinations. Have to attain that score that I so desire, which sadly isn't translating into action.


I have been blessed to be given this semester to "chill out". I definitely have much more advantage in terms of "pre-knowledge", but I think I am getting too arrogant. Should exploit this advantage to explore more than I could in past semesters.

Communication

1. Don't expect mind readers
2. Don't expect to mind read
3. Clarify when in doubt, but maintain respect for each other - hence no flaming
4. Repeat step 3 until you are absolutely sure

So relieved today, at the cost of realizing how misunderstanding I was.
But what you do does not necessarily show what you think.


End of the day, communication and being adaptable. You need not change who you are, but you can adapt to the situation.

New Project

We always point flaws of others, but we almost rarely tell them directly.

Heard this recently, and that set me into a thinking spiral: Why does this happens?

But fundamentally, even if there are flaws, what if we were simply ranting? Are we given this right to impose what we deem as correct upon others? Or do we, as friends and loved ones being 旁观者清 are able to see these "flaws" and hence rightfully point out in hope that the said person is able to grow and aware of the mistakes?

What things classify as mistakes, flaws, or simply idiosyncrasies?

Assume the above mentioned are cleared (meaning the "flaws" are pointed out with well-intention and they are objective and well-reasoned), why do we not tell people directly as often as telling everyone else but the person in particular?

Here are two main reasons: 1. Afraid of hurting feelings. 2. Afraid of ruining relationships.

But the underlying reason would probably be:
1. Fear of misunderstanding the person
2. Fear of backlash
3. We might want to "wait and see" and see if this flaw might actually be problematic or one-off situation

And when we do decide to tell the person about the flaw, we end up trying to be diplomatic and beat about the bush (or bushes).

Why then? Afraid the person can't take it? That's probably one of my greatest reasons for withholding my comments. Good thing is, as I type, things get clearer. 

It depends on how close you are to the person, but we should also take note that each other has the duty to not quickly jump to conclusions.
Pointing out flaws, in fact, do good to you. Failures are in fact the personification of "flaws" being thrown at you. Learn to take the criticisms, and then face it.
I think we assume too much that our friends have weak fragile hearts and our relationships are as brittle as glass, and hence try not to shake the boat.

What we can do is, when we point out the flaw, we should be objective and have proper reasons. And then offer to understand the other person's point of view. And let the other person decide whether to change or not.


My other project for re-connecting with people succeeded to a small extent last year. This time I shall recommence it once my HOCC (dance) ends, an activity that consumes so much of my time the return might not be that good....?

And this time, I am opening the doors, to discuss whatever is said earlier. Well I have already been opening doors... I shall market it again.
Hope to hear from you dear reader!

Meritocracy will never be blind

I may be a happy, optimistic person, but this does not mean I am infinitely so.
There are simply so many reasons that I can use to justify and resolve the cognitive dissonance swirling in my head, and these reasons do run out. And when they do, that's when the problem sets in. Worst still, the problem will simply escalate, and when not kept in check by other reasons, that's when you get a breakdown.

This just shows one thing. Wherever you are, whatever you do, you must not only do your best, you MUST be the best, or at least outstanding with unique abilities. If not, unless you are happy staying as a another number, you will never feel satisfied. People will not purposely choose you, and odds will not be in your favour. 

There are only and very few things in life where meritocracy is blind.

Chinese New Year, a new look

After engaging in my annual war with dust for control over any surfaces in the house (which I gave dust 364 days in advance to prepare), I eventually maintain my defending champion title, but the victory was almost Pyrrhic. Dust quickly penetrated my defenses and made me a living wreck, virtually sick but not technically sick. I have now a running nose and feel like shit even though I don't think I am actually infected.

Nonetheless, whilst in that epic war, the lunar new year songs kept playing and advertisements proclaiming wishes of good fortune kept coming. And the economist in me questioned:

If everyone wished each other for good fortune, such as 恭喜发财, would that in effect mean anything at all? If everyone became rich, that would only result in inflation and no one will benefit from any gain in real income! $10 would probably become the new $1 if everyone wishes came true.

I pursued the idea further. So what wishes are more logical and sustainable to dish out? How would I know if a certain wish would be in effect something that actually helps not only the individual, but also society?
(This also led to a spin-off discussion of how wishes actually show how individualistic we are. We only wish for the person's welfare, but never keeping in mind that of society's. Of course, this argument would not hold if the said person being wished 万事如意 wishes to contribute to society)
And I eventually came to a conclusion, wishes for goods/services/anything that is not "economically defined" scarce will be the best wishes to make in benefit of the society. For instance, health. Health may be argued to be scarce (places to exercise is scarce, healthy food is also scarce), but I think we can somewhat agree that we can be healthy together. If we want to wish 马到成功 or 万事如意, we should add a modifier clause: only if you intend to help society. 

No worries, this argument is flimsy at best. I will still wish you 恭喜发财! (:

Happy Chinese new Year!

My limit

I suffer from this. But it is also from this that I try to attain perfection (or at least my own standard) in whatever I do.

I have been ingrained that there's always a "right way" to do something, such that I shy away from trying out other methods.

This cripples me, especially in my foray into music.
I have met people who told me to follow tabs, I find such form of learning guided and hence more comforting to me.

Then I start to hear the term "play by ear". I know the phrase very well, I understand the purpose, I understand the flexibility. But I am unable to execute it, at least in my quest to learn an instrument. It stresses me when I have nothing to follow, with the worry that my own concoction would not be good enough for other ears to hear. 

It's like, I both want my own style, but I still need a guide. But, I still have to try. Pain pain pain.

Note to self

New Year Resolutions

Note to self: 

1. 30 Cheap And Amazing Date Ideas For Couples

2. Trampoline Park

3. Use less "swear" words

4. Watch my tone: speak in a less condescending tone, sometimes good intentions may be masked by bad publicity

5. End my URECA with a bang!

Shall sticky this post for constant reminder (:

Expecto Patronum

To continue my Harry Potter geek-fan-mode,

was thinking about which spell can be applied into our lives, and no points for guessing what it is.

Let's list down some facts:
1. The patronus charm can only be cast by good people (we are good, ain't we. good in every sense of the word =P )
2. It can only be cast when you think of happy things, things that provide you with joy. 

When we are innately happy, or choose to remind ourselves of gleeful moments, we are inevitably protecting ourselves from harm: physical, mental and emotional.

3. It is one of the few ways to repel dementors, which in Harry Potter is, to me, an embodiment of fear, grief and sadness.

In dark times, sometimes when the situation in front of us seems to be hopeless and we feel useless, we must draw upon positive experiences to harness the strength to break free from those crippling feelings.

4. It displays your inner self, symbolised as an animal

Each of us are different in many ways, and this is evident in our actions and our beliefs. And who knows, a potential partner would have the same animal (but of the different sex) as you a la Snape?

Many at times we face grievous situations which would immediately draw a teardrop out of your eyelid, or cast despair over our souls and weaken our resolve to accomplish whatever we set out to do. However, many of us do not realise, or do not practice, casting the simple (although in HP's world the spell is said to be difficult xD) spell to protect yourself. Do you succumb yourself to the Dementor's kiss, or do you summon your courage and survive to fight another day?

I love drawing lessons and analysis, albeit far-fetched sometimes, from things I read and see and listen. This is one of them. And I hope we can all start of our Semester two on a high note. There will bound to be tribulations that we will face, and the journey will only get tougher and rougher. But keep up your determination and pride, and I hope to see you at the end of these trials!

Once again, thanks to your support! And yea, Yufei! Haha no worries I didn't neglect you (:

P.S. Mine is a stag. Is yours a doe?  Find out! :O