Random thoughts

Yes! Finally completed an assignment in one day of sitting (ok, I completed the easiest question 1, but managed to tackle the last 3 questions in the afternoon + night).
Frustrating, but nonetheless that sense of achievement is still awesome. There's like the 4 stages of guilt finding an error in your workings:
1. Horror (OMG!)
2. Self-denigration (wts, why am I so toopid?)
3. Denial (am I really wrong? sure or not?)
4. Relent (haiz, just redo ..) OR IDGAF (screw this shit)

So I had the glorious opportunity to experience that roller coaster of emotions multiple times today. Let's say those rides taught me to become more careful and know which are the areas that carelessness breeds.

Other random things:
1. Akin to another post, sometimes I still feel I am on vacation. In the sense, I am still a tourist, just living here for a year.
2. My flatulence smells really different from that in Singapore (idk, I have no clue what caused the change)
3. We are spending hours on assignments that contribute to a measly sum (as low as 0.4%/homework) to our final grades - but they definitely provide more value such as revision and practice
4. I am growing long hair. Like I am now breaking personal records for hair length every day I wake up. Matthew suggests I put on a mullet. It's pretty cool too, I like rockers with rockingly long hair. It just puts an extra cool factor to these people. But idk whether I can pull this off =/
5. We are beginning to fall into a routine
6. Have to resist adding more load into the already packed schedules. Might seem unpacked at times, but that's because "let's do this another time"
7. Still focusing on EWB, and getting inspired to add a continuity back home
8. And focusing on some key friends - not enough time and spare effort to get to know everyone else in a deeper level. This will take time, but I think it will bear fruit.
9. And not forgetting those abroad (home included). Appreciate, communicate and reciprocate.
10. Money outflow >>>>> money inflow
11. Planning trips is both fun, yet mentally exhausting.
12. Still on mousehunt (lol)
13. Stupid US$15 TP-Link wireless adapter is causing more inconvenience than convenience
14. Have to stop getting jealous of others who are more capable (or seemingly). Sometimes it just sucks when you see others who seem to "beat" you in every aspect of your life, it's like shoving the phrase "what have you been doing" down your throat
15. What do I want to be known as?
16. It's getting more and more random the more I type. Probably cause the clock says 12.22AM
17. DOUBLE RAINBOWS! Lazy to post, but it's on insta :D
18. And omg, can you imagine a university which rear cows for dairy as well as butchering? The cows are literally there for you to touch. And I touched cows. Moo~
19. I really like driving. I appreciate whoever who lets me drive. Vroom vroom.
20. H.a.v.e...t.o...s.p.e.a.k...s.l.o.w.e.r... or rather, enunciate my words better.
21. Stay in shape! Can't stress this importance enough. Have to maintain my regime.
22. Supposed to be planning for my 2 trips, which seemed so far away the last time I thought about it, but to think about it they will be made in less than a month's time
23. MY CAREER ): ):
24. Why am I concerning myself with so much stuff?
25. It's awkward in dance clubs when you don't know 90% of the songs =/
26. I think it's time to sleep. My eyes are going to call it a day.

And of course, thanks for reading (:
More smileys (: (: (:
(somehow I have this funny notion that smileys are trademarked by me, and others who use this (: smiley (the bracket first) are infringing my copyright)

Maybe I am actually a hardcore extrovert but I have yet to fully understand it.

From Carina:

Because coming back for people puts a lot of pressure on them, and it can sometimes be disappointing. You realise you're very dispensable. But it also teaches you to be okay. Be okay with the fact that friends, life and all that stuff you use to put so much emphasis on, is actually not that important, and things are fleeting/nothing but momentary.

Succinctly said (ok maybe not so "succinct" as defined by the word). 
But being "okay" is something that I have yet to gripe with. I can say it, I act it out sometimes. But at the very root of it, I still refuse to accept it.

I try. I try sometimes. I try all the time. But the very idea/notion of this just haunts me.

And when you see other people who seem to be "best friends forever", so close, so tight together, I just can't help but be green with envy.

Of course, I made my choices, I have to live with it. But then, when will I be actually "okay"?

And I have to stop "pleasing" everyone. It's really getting tiring. And yes, I am dispensable. But is there such thing as people "on your side"? Isn't it a fact that people will generally not be on my side? I mean, there are so many people more popular/skilled/awesome/funnier/less controversial.

Maybe I am actually a hardcore extrovert but I have yet to fully understand it.