Occupational Therapy

Came back from a session of occupational therapy. First thing I noticed when I went in there: there was a predominance of females - as in therapists, not patients. It seems as though the "fairer" sex has a predilection for occupational therapy; based on what I heard though males prefer to go for physiotherapy - I have no inkling what the reason is.

Anyway, this is the first session that foreshadows the routine I will undertake in the months to come. I hope it does not adversely affect my university life (social and academic); I might miss events or regular outings. I might be thinking and extrapolating too much, but I really do not want to have the same kind of social life in university as I did have in primary school through junior college - mainly temporary, transient and practical relationships. This explains why I am more active in social gatherings and trying to reverse the trend and at least communicate with my friends more - so our relationships do not just exist as "schoolmates" or "classmates" but rather "friends".

My left arm is moulting! Well it has yet to actually touch soap and water since Thursday so the grime and dirt on it would still linger there. Even though I regularly wipe any exposed area on my left arm, it is insufficient to exfoliate the skin and hence the build up seems to be showing itself. I shall pamper my left arm once it is cleared for shower (:

Well my arm is healing. Thanks to those who have consistently asked for the progress of my healing. Not many people, but I am comforted that at least people still follow up. That's one thing that is undervalued and overlooked - consistency. Shall get to that point in another post.

Thanks for reading!

Hospitals pt 2

Now that I am discharged, I have this quaint feeling of returning back to the hospital.
With my laptop there, I was actually quite at home over there. Furthermore, there was 24/7 air-con and of course, people to "serve you". I know this might sound egoistical but sometimes it is really nice for people to be under your beck and call - of course you don't treat it as a right and hence abuse the nurses, but rather as a privilege and approach them when you genuinely need help. Furthermore, there will always be food and I need not brood over how to get my next meal - which is what is happening now. Of course, now I am literally alone at home; at least in the hospital I can still chat with the nurses/doctors (or find yiyang at NNI).
So all those trade-offs for my unlimited liberalisation (or is it really?) at home? Mmmm. My current situation can really be juxtaposed against my situation in NS - unlimited liberalisation or 'restriction of freedom' with the other perks? To be honest, I am not really that restricted in the hospital (nor in the Army then). The only downside is I am unable to go out with friends (and the hospital internet connection is not that good, though it is decent already).

So some food for thought yea?
I should relish this independence that I have always fought for.
At the end of the day, the very thing I feared, I seemed to accept it. Technology really changes everything.

Hospitals

Screw my hormonal tendencies
Screw those deep thinking, it is only making myself more dull.
Just get a life.


One thing about hospitals is that it is really bad for us young people
No matter how efficient and effective the medical care hospitals provide - they only provide that one spectrum of care; they are unable to provide any support to one's emotional and psychological well-being.
Those brusque questions that they ask that speaks of concern for one's emotional needs (like "How are you?") are usually cursory formalities. Once you tell them you are ok, they will simply go off to another patient.
I don't blame them for that. Hospitals are to provide "medical care", not "emotional care" or "spiritual care" - these are handled by other institutions such as one's families, friends and religion.
Despite knowing all these and understanding their limitations, I just still can't help but feel lost and needy in that aspect.
But I know, everyone else has a life. I also do not want to be a burden to them. I do not want to let my environment affect me, neither do I want my environment to be affected because of me.
I have to do things by myself, on myself, with myself. Friends will have their own lives to lead. My parents have their jobs to do. SMSes will stop coming. Well wishes will subside. But this journey will not simply end - I have to travel it alone; whilst assuring the rest I am fine.

I foresee tribulations to come. Emotional disturbances and the sense of helplessness and handicap will ensue.
But this is a battle, albeit a solo one. Wielding one mighty sword, and an arm of steel, I shall wage this war alone. Stand back my friends.

Broken, yet healed

"How could this happen to me, I've made my mistakes, Got no where to run..."
The song that played in my mind while I was venting my frustration on that exercise mat.
"Can't believe I was a fool again"
It was not the creeping, emanating pain that bothered me.
It was becoming crippled. It was the becoming to be a burden to my friends then - I effectively wasted their time there; and to my parents - they would not sleep well. It was that dreaded morose situation I would be in that overwhelmed me - a long hiatus from my fun, active lifestyle.
Maybe this is a forced break (pun intended) from my current life. Was I overconfident? Is this punishment for engaging in extreme sports notorious for injuries?
What is certain though, I am not going to do any sports for next few months.
What is absolute though, I am warded - something which I have long dreaded to be
What is for sure though, I am now Titanium Man. Right now with my left arm bandaged, I can cosplay Megaman!

There is only so much that a hospital can provide in terms of service and care. But they can never fully ameliorate the boredom that is so characteristic of hospitals. Luckily I am mentally alert and have my dominant hand free; I am able to access the internet and chat with friends. Nevertheless, I shall pay all my sleep debts.
But the freaking phone network is quite shitty here - I am beside windows but my phone calls can still get disconnected and SMSes fail to be sent.

Well, this injury has also concretised my camp plans (more of cancellation). Somehow with this removal of activity, there is a removal of choices; but also the removal of my week long dilemmas and abolishing the need to ponder over decisions.

I am really very touched by the generous amount of attention I am gaining. I am also trying to be more proactive - by informing others whom I deem should know of my condition, rather than wait for them to find out. To quote someone: "walau why such important things also don't want to tell me". However, I still wish for more - well it is quite comforting and gratifying to know that people are concerned for you, but the effect is enhanced when the concern comes from people you feel special to.

and i typed all these with 1 hand (:

Revelations

I did more self introspecting and ruminating on board the many solo travelling trips round the sunny island. Have to sort out many thoughts again, for they keep coming to bug me time and again.

I have to constantly remind myself that I actually typed out this post, so why am I not following it sometimes?
But I have some more clarification to make.

• Acquaintances are acquaintances. Friends are friends. But your romantic partner is your family.
  You can only have 1 father and 1 mother - based on the atypical child (excluding children born through surrogates and conceived via multiple donors). Because your romantic partner - your future spouse - will technically be your family, you can only have 1 spouse (that is if you are not in any religion that condone multiple spouses). And that one spouse would stay with you all the way till your deathbed (that is if you are faithful and not promiscuous).
  Your direct family will be actively concerned about your life, like what you do day by day. They will usually be the one who will know of major decisions of your life whether you informed or not; they will usually be the one who will be informed when you travel overseas. They will be always be the one you fall back to at the end of the day (at least for Singaporeans staying with their parents). Sadly, many of us do not appreciate that our parents are perpetually there for us, and we do not normally approach them when we need the safety net - only at the very last straw do we turn to them battered and bruised and hope for some miracle cure.
  However, friends, despite us being close to them, they usually come and go. Yes you can have close friends, but no matter how close they are, there will still be an invisible line that is drawn between you and them. Friends can change with time, but your parents (and by extension, your spouse) can't - I am sure this is an undisputed fact that everyone has their own personal anecdotal evidence to support. This is one main distinguishing factor that I need to realise.
  One's friends won't come purposely asking what is happening with one's life when they are busy. But for our friends, a simple "sorry I am busy, ttyl" is enough an excuse, however polite and good-natured, to brush aside someone else's problems. However, the family does. Despite the hectic work that our parents are mired in, they will be asking what happened with our day. They will be more than happy if you would want to share your day with them! Just that most of the time, we tend to huddle up with our computers (like me) and blare our sorrows to intangible online avatars with whom we have spent so much more quality time with in real life that with our own familial ties.

Problem with that statement is that I seem to over glorify parents too much. But I would like to point out that "parents" include "spouse" by extension, since he/she will legally be your immediate family once the registration of marriage is completed. Of course not all parents are the same, some might seem to be "incorrigible" or "irreconcilable", but have we given enough effort to repairing a seemingly broken relationship? Have we misunderstood them? Have we communicated enough?
We are happy to chat with our friends because they will usually agree with you and "sympathise" with you; unlike our parents who are notoriously at "loggerheads" with and constantly in love with "denigrating" us. We love to pour our sorrows with our friends because we feel they can empathise with us but not the people who provided us with the blood and life and took care of us to begin with.
Of course for those with initially broken families (wedlock, single parents for etc.), I won't say much because I have no right to. But for the rest of the more privileged us (I am one), I think we have neglected our parents too much.


That is one part of the blog.
Another part is some musing.

I have to learn to accept that my friends have their own life. I have to remember that I typed the post. I have to remember that I have gone through these thoughts before but why do I keep coming back for more reminders?
My friends won't be directly asking for my day-to-day activities. My friends will be asking me for relatively more major decisions. I need to realign my definition of "close friends" as "friends who are supposedly able to see your character and understand you" and removing the clause "friends who will constantly chat with you". Maybe my definition is not flawed and I have yet to meet any close friends?


Or maybe this is my personality and I should not change it? Why should I change to fit others, instead of letting others fit me?
That is a really big question. I would really love some ideas from you readers, and yes I am really soliciting for opinions. Yes, I am attracting attention. Yes, this is me, or is it? I am confused.

Fooled, tricked with duplicity of my own kind

I can't believe I am fooled. I am fooled by myself. I am tricked by my own desire. I'll be damned.
Guess I'll have to keep reminding myself that not everyone operates the same way as I am, and not everyone operates the way I wish them to, and not everyone treat me the way I wish them to.
Maybe I have to do the sorting more vigorously...

How? When uni comes....

Corn therapy

Day 1 of corn therapy
Bought corn plasters from Guardian, $4.20 for 10 pieces.
Stuck 1 today, before removing that piece and sticking a fresh one after shower.

Let's hope for results (:

New friends

So now that I have found a new social circle
What shall I do with it?

Shall I do what I have always wanted? Be "aggressive" and maintain casual conversational relationship? But at the risk of possibly scaring them away?

Or shall I be that taciturn pacifist and just let these relationships whittle away and let them join the dozens of "friends" that I have who are sitting idling in my phone or facebook contacts but have yet to contact with?

The Bed

The bed.
The ubiquitous part of a house that can be found in all shapes, sizes, types, colours, designs and "messiness". Even the destitute and those who have fallen through the social cracks have at least a "bed" to call their own - be it a piece of cardboard or styrofoam.

Nonetheless beds carry far greater meaning than just a place where we spend almost 1/3 of our lives (for normal people with socially normal sleeping patterns)

They signify hope. When you sleep, you are calling it a day and hoping for the next day to come to bring you more time do the things you need and/or love to.

They signify trust. When you are able to sleep, you trust your environment, your shelter, your house to protect you from the elements. People who are unable to sleep are usually wary of their surroundings, residing in unfamiliar terrain or plainly suffering from insomnia.
Also, when you bring someone to bed with you, there is trust between the partner. If money is involved then the bed is merely a contraception to conduct those acts of lust. But if both partners are there on their own accord, it brings the relationship to a new level.

They bring about dreams. Dreams are yet to be analysed with such great detail as other forms of physical science are. Dreams can be blissful or horrendous. Dreams can provide some clairvoyance or misleading duplicity. Dreams can provide inspiration or disparagement.
There are dreams people want to share the moment they wake up, or they rather relish it in private.
There are dreams that vanish the moment you open your eyes, or dreams that linger in the recesses of your mind.
There are even dreams within a dream, forcing you to be in some "inception"-like state, befuddling and bewildering the "victim".
Whatever it is, dreaming is a mysterious phenomenon that some are proud of,
fearful of, full of or even lacking of.

I do have dreams where I long to return and enjoy myself in that imaginary scenarios; I can still replay some of them in my head. I also do have nightmares that I can remember vividly of, and I try to analyse and piece any vital information together to gain some lessons from them.

The bed. What an interesting place.
I think I need to 珍惜 it more XD

A start

I'm really fortunate to have my parents.
I'm really glad I made the decision to talk to them.

Somehow it linked to one of the essays from the SAT.

to quote:

It is a start

Prelude to an end

Today marks the end of my 5 month long internship.
Learnt alot.

But I shall leave the blogging to tomorrow.
For tomorrow is also the end of my self-imposed exile.