So this marks the beginning of a temporal end.
First of my 5 papers, which will take a hiatus before I see similar ~ 5 (coupled with the stress, and sitting between Hui Jie and Carina) papers in November 2013.
Really had a good relaxation day, feel so guilty, but why should I? To quote Joan, "chill x999"
Maybe I deserved it, or maybe... I just want to spend more time with people (and exercise at the same time)
Basketball was cui imo for myself, my shooting was totally off form, didn't feel that proper handling that I used to train for. Ugh.
Sean asked me to reconsider the decision, kind of glad I took it. At least got to know someone a bit better, or rather know some more things better (and also found out I got bo jio-ed, although it's kay) I think it's really quite hard to get into the mood of talking... deeper things with some people around? As in, it's not that I can't talk with them, but the opportunity seems to take much longer to present itself.
After that had a go with LoL with Bryan. Today marks the first time I am playing with him. Decent player but he doesn't talks much on the chat, but that's probably his personality. He is silent and good whereas I am the noisy idiot making a fool of himself. Somehow felt much better, more than simply a game of LoL.. probably more bonding opportunities?This reminds me how I always dub playing LoL with my roomie as "roomie time". Well, friends do things together and then talk about these things. So playing games with each other should count as "spending time" too? At least this would open up more opportunities to talk and interact with each other.
Motivation is back up. Good. There should seriously be less whining and self-mutilation (emotionally and psychologically). The fact that you know (知己知彼) where your weakness are, go and affect it. Of course some complaining is fine (it gets conversations starting some how) but at least don't let it take over your head, unless of course you are whining for the sake of attracting attention.
So it's almost a week. Lucky there is studying to do and hence minimal talking. This reminds me of one of my "memorable" history. But this also reminds me of my weirdly bipolar-ness? Sometimes I can be "liberal" and "open" and "practical", but there are times where I am totally conservative and wary. It's like in the past I used to initiate 1000 times / day and now probably 1 time / 1000 days? Ok you get the picture.. I hope.
Read again... I think I have a lot of friends (not to say I'm popular), but not many for me to really talk to and 讲心事. But I think there should be something that's more than that... "close friends"?
Maybe I should kind of cut down on my talking with others. My desire to interact could be interfering with my studies, and that's bad. Even if the "payoff" for talking with people is higher, is that more short term or long term payoff? Ultimately I still have grades to obtain, and I hope I am not falling into any over complacency trap.
Ok shall sleep. And wake up early tomorrow to restart my mugging clock. Roomie mugging but here I am chilling like a boss.
Wake up Kevin, complacent piece of shit.
Saturday, April 27, 2013
Saturday, April 20, 2013
Sometimes, just singing out with songs really helps. (:
And I don't want the world to see me..
Cause I don't think that they understand...
We don't know how we got into this mad situation, only doing things out of frustration
Sometimes you got to get up and try and try and try.
Dedicate yourself and you could
Learn how to save a life.
Thursday, April 18, 2013
Untitled
Once again Kevin...
Then again, how do I measure how close am I to a person? Or am I rushing too fast? Or am I simply just too liberal?
Or maybe people are just uncomfortable with me.
And sometimes silence is best.
It's ok to not be in the know all the time. - Self quote
Then again, how do I measure how close am I to a person? Or am I rushing too fast? Or am I simply just too liberal?
Or maybe people are just uncomfortable with me.
And sometimes silence is best.
How...
Want to.. but don't know how to.
Want to.. but dare not to.
Want to.. but scared to be misunderstood.
Want to.. but dare not to.
Want to.. but scared to be misunderstood.
Saturday, April 13, 2013
Angst
Not sure if I have talked to many about it.. but this is one biggest fear of my life. It is this fundamental problem which I am trying my best to not have to face it, because I believe in making the effort to keep a relationship alive.
Oh my what an angsty post this is, so unlike my methodical and objective tone that I usually put up.
You’re going to lose closeness with the vast majority of people you once really cared about, even with social media and a million ways to stay in touch, and there’s nothing wrong with that. It’s just a normal, healthy emotional molting process that is going to take place regardless of how many times you like their status updates. - Thought CatalogHere you go is someone telling you that "it's just a normal, healthy ... process" - so you are telling me there's no way I can keep some friends? Yet I have friends who seem to defy this trend, and I am god damned jealous about them.
Oh my what an angsty post this is, so unlike my methodical and objective tone that I usually put up.
While drying my hair
Finally a chock-ful of my "have-to-do" list has been cleared :D
With two tests and a presentation set aside, now I can concentrate fully on my performance with Ji! I am really excited to how much my ability can be stretched (although I know it won't be great, but hey it is nonetheless a try!), knowing that I will probably not have such a rare opportunity in the future.
"We are both noobs, who would want us". Any kind soul might try to disapprove that statement, but hey practically I doubt we would have the opportunity for such things in the future.
This week has really been eventful, and my eyes have been opened to the inner workings and systems that have been going on within what may seem like an ordinary class. I have experienced how close friends do really care for each other, how they look out for one another, but sometimes some battles have to be fought alone. Friends can help provide you with motivation, morale support, some guidance on tactics or give you extra provisions, but ultimately you are the one who wield the sword and shield and slay that inner monster (or obstruction) of yours.
It is also interesting to learn more about your friends. Well I realised how my relationships with some people are improving, as a result of increased efforts by both sides.
Shall especially commend both hc guys for trying to spend more time with me, simple things like tagging me on Facebook (obviously mass tags ain't included), randomly striking conversations with me etc. I would love to spend more time to get to know them better. There are so many things I want to know more about them, and include them in my life!
Also I am slowly getting that awesome feeling of having some people I can turn to when I am bored. Like what some of my friends said (some even blogged about it!) it feels good to be able to just be yourself and don't give any shit about your image and you know they won't judge you severely just because you acted like a flirt or a retard. But what is more special is that want to share most things you find/do with these people. I can safely say that I am starting to really understand why tight groups form. Of course there is also a limit to how much you can play with feelings, and tensions do come about when primal things start to take over. But in the time being, I should enjoy and appreciate those who want to be with me (:
Ok it's time to sleep.
My hair is dried!
With two tests and a presentation set aside, now I can concentrate fully on my performance with Ji! I am really excited to how much my ability can be stretched (although I know it won't be great, but hey it is nonetheless a try!), knowing that I will probably not have such a rare opportunity in the future.
"We are both noobs, who would want us". Any kind soul might try to disapprove that statement, but hey practically I doubt we would have the opportunity for such things in the future.
This week has really been eventful, and my eyes have been opened to the inner workings and systems that have been going on within what may seem like an ordinary class. I have experienced how close friends do really care for each other, how they look out for one another, but sometimes some battles have to be fought alone. Friends can help provide you with motivation, morale support, some guidance on tactics or give you extra provisions, but ultimately you are the one who wield the sword and shield and slay that inner monster (or obstruction) of yours.
It is also interesting to learn more about your friends. Well I realised how my relationships with some people are improving, as a result of increased efforts by both sides.
Shall especially commend both hc guys for trying to spend more time with me, simple things like tagging me on Facebook (obviously mass tags ain't included), randomly striking conversations with me etc. I would love to spend more time to get to know them better. There are so many things I want to know more about them, and include them in my life!
Also I am slowly getting that awesome feeling of having some people I can turn to when I am bored. Like what some of my friends said (some even blogged about it!) it feels good to be able to just be yourself and don't give any shit about your image and you know they won't judge you severely just because you acted like a flirt or a retard. But what is more special is that want to share most things you find/do with these people. I can safely say that I am starting to really understand why tight groups form. Of course there is also a limit to how much you can play with feelings, and tensions do come about when primal things start to take over. But in the time being, I should enjoy and appreciate those who want to be with me (:
Ok it's time to sleep.
My hair is dried!
Monday, April 08, 2013
Tuesday, April 02, 2013
Flurry of activities, and thinking
So here I am, way past my usual sleeping hours and after a flurry of activities for the day.
But today is a relatively special, eventful day, and I do not wish to let my inspiration seep out of my already crowded (and crowding more) brain.
That immense joy for performing is something which I can't reiterate. Furthermore, when people make the effort to come all the way down just to watch you, or even people who are unable to make it but still lend their support (such as asking "what's time your dance... oh sorry I have a meeting can't come"), it gives me this surge in motivation and aspiration. Such words underline the silent affirmation that someone is actually concerned about my life and is lending me his/her support, something for which I am truly grateful. Even better, someone kept his "promise" and traveled a great deal of distance just to watch me (I have to be egoistic here too haha), I just couldn't (maybe I did it well) hide my joy upon seeing his trade marked face. Of course I am not the only one he is looking at, but at least the support is still there - I am still not the star of the show haha.
But apart from that, it just demonstrates the deep bond we have for each other. I am guilty of such things too, not turning up for events my friends are performing in - because of whatever legit reason I might bring. I'm not saying we must all drop whatever responsibilities we have and just participate (or watch) whatever things our friends are doing, but it is more of the knowledge and updating of yourself with the said persons' lives.
Some people really amaze me. They may have a quiet exterior but when you observe him, he can be really amazing and helpful. Apparently I thought someone was probably inactive in hall (well I don't see him around), but my assumptions were broken when I realised I kept seeing him around in hall events. Furthermore, he even went up to me to offer his help in one of my pleas for help! Really, assumptions are assumptions until you know the person - that's my takeaway.
I was talking with a close friend of mine about what to do in the holidays, and I was honestly quite perturbed at the apparent lack of concrete plans she has. I am probably someone (and getting to terms with) who plans in advance, and likes to have structure in things I do (I do accept forms of spontaneity but on a macro perspective I am still a structural person).
It is better to plan for something than not even planning. As in there's really nothing wrong to plan "I am not going to do anything but watch videos/play games/sleep my holidays away", at least you have a plan. But when you do not have a plan, you end up letting your life be handled by some random invisible hand. It is akin to giving up your life and demonstrate your lack of control over your life. You are you, and you should control your life, even if it might lead to disapproval by others - so be it. And "plan" means some specifics, not some generic statement like "I am going to find a job", but "I am going to find a job in xxx industry". Instead of "I am going to read a book", make it "I am going to read yyy book / I am going to read about zzz". I think these are small things that encapsulate your treatment towards your own life. Yes some things may be out of your control: you might be NS/mired in familial problems/lack of financial funds (ok it's just a complicated word for "money"), but you can work around them.
And even if you do not achieve all of what planned, at least you have planned. When you plan, at least when you wake up you will know what to do, rather than simply just think of what to do. Remember, Planning to do nothing is better than not planning at all!
Ok time to sleep. Better get some sleep now.
I hope that this shall be the last few times I have to stay up so late, now that dance has ended, not that dance has normally caused me to stay so late anyways.
Sleep.
But today is a relatively special, eventful day, and I do not wish to let my inspiration seep out of my already crowded (and crowding more) brain.
That immense joy for performing is something which I can't reiterate. Furthermore, when people make the effort to come all the way down just to watch you, or even people who are unable to make it but still lend their support (such as asking "what's time your dance... oh sorry I have a meeting can't come"), it gives me this surge in motivation and aspiration. Such words underline the silent affirmation that someone is actually concerned about my life and is lending me his/her support, something for which I am truly grateful. Even better, someone kept his "promise" and traveled a great deal of distance just to watch me (I have to be egoistic here too haha), I just couldn't (maybe I did it well) hide my joy upon seeing his trade marked face. Of course I am not the only one he is looking at, but at least the support is still there - I am still not the star of the show haha.
But apart from that, it just demonstrates the deep bond we have for each other. I am guilty of such things too, not turning up for events my friends are performing in - because of whatever legit reason I might bring. I'm not saying we must all drop whatever responsibilities we have and just participate (or watch) whatever things our friends are doing, but it is more of the knowledge and updating of yourself with the said persons' lives.
Some people really amaze me. They may have a quiet exterior but when you observe him, he can be really amazing and helpful. Apparently I thought someone was probably inactive in hall (well I don't see him around), but my assumptions were broken when I realised I kept seeing him around in hall events. Furthermore, he even went up to me to offer his help in one of my pleas for help! Really, assumptions are assumptions until you know the person - that's my takeaway.
I was talking with a close friend of mine about what to do in the holidays, and I was honestly quite perturbed at the apparent lack of concrete plans she has. I am probably someone (and getting to terms with) who plans in advance, and likes to have structure in things I do (I do accept forms of spontaneity but on a macro perspective I am still a structural person).
It is better to plan for something than not even planning. As in there's really nothing wrong to plan "I am not going to do anything but watch videos/play games/sleep my holidays away", at least you have a plan. But when you do not have a plan, you end up letting your life be handled by some random invisible hand. It is akin to giving up your life and demonstrate your lack of control over your life. You are you, and you should control your life, even if it might lead to disapproval by others - so be it. And "plan" means some specifics, not some generic statement like "I am going to find a job", but "I am going to find a job in xxx industry". Instead of "I am going to read a book", make it "I am going to read yyy book / I am going to read about zzz". I think these are small things that encapsulate your treatment towards your own life. Yes some things may be out of your control: you might be NS/mired in familial problems/lack of financial funds (ok it's just a complicated word for "money"), but you can work around them.
And even if you do not achieve all of what planned, at least you have planned. When you plan, at least when you wake up you will know what to do, rather than simply just think of what to do. Remember, Planning to do nothing is better than not planning at all!
Ok time to sleep. Better get some sleep now.
I hope that this shall be the last few times I have to stay up so late, now that dance has ended, not that dance has normally caused me to stay so late anyways.
Sleep.
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