To do

So many things to do/settle by the end of holidays:

1. I shall reformat / clean swipe my computer. It is seriously cranking up lately, and I think it is due to the numerous tweaking and crap that I have been installing.

But i seriously think it is definitely not due to my modification of the Windows theme that is causing the problem, it is some rogue program that I have probably installed?

2. My IPPT problem. I recently obtained the doctor's letter stating that I can't do pull-ups (due to my injury), but somehow the entire January's slots for medical reviews are non existent. It is either somehow the entire NS force decided to go for review in January, or the Pasir Laba Medical Centre MO decide to take a month long break.
It is fine with me, problem is I have to clear my IPPT by 27th January, RT is seriously retarded for me.

3. My sports. I definitely have to train harder and train more for my sports - in order to play for the hall and also win some matches. I am the "dai sai" one, dragging the team down.

4. Improve my skills in LoL. For the time I spent in it, I am still quite suck at it. Why can't I be at least good in one thing?

5. Improve in my guitar / pick up drums! Nuff said, I like them! But it seems I am not spending enough time with them.

Felt a surge of things to rant about, but I shouldn't.

Expectations

A young man in a black jacket with earphones stands typing on his plastic covered device, looking up occasionally to find his targets. A family overlooks and the mother tries to restrain her boisterous children. Some well dressed men holding placards (some electronic) strained their necks, ever watchful of their incoming clientele - whom they probably only know by name and not by face.
You can probably guess the location I am describing - the arrival gates of the Used-To-Be-No.1-In-The-World-Airport

It's quite interesting to see the reactions and the actions happening here. The hugs and kisses, the relentless waving of hands, the anticipation and the weariness of waiting.
It is a common sight to see passengers and their families/friends clogging up the pathways, unintentionally in the midst of a catchup by friends or a full body inspection by worried parents.

But here I am, the black jacket one (quite easy to guess I was so narcissistic to describe myself first hehe), just standing here chilling, and not exactly being a giraffe or conducting an observation post like the many others here on the same mission as me.

Is it a sign of boredom? I doubt so, I very much anticipate their return. I have questions to pepper, loot to collect and a government to look over me.

More of, I know they will appear, it is simply how long they will take. So has this "rationality" clouded my "feelings" for my parents? Even I am not sure.

But another question that actually incited me to begin this post is: "Who will come to receive you?" Your family would most likely be the one fetching you, but who else? Spouse-to-be? How about friends? Who else would be so willing to travel to one of the obscure places (yet relatively accessible) of Singapore just to merely see you land safely?
You might think that I am attributing too much emphasis on such actions, but don't such actions (the act of coming to the airport to receive you) say a lot about your relationships with your friends? Of course this is not the sole indices in determining the depth of your relationship (whether platonic or romantic), but I'm sure you can agree it is one. If you were the passenger leaving the arrival hall, who else other than your family would you love to see?

I would love to see some friends, but I don't wish to trouble them too much. However, innately I still wish for your close friends to be there at the airport, it will be so heartwarming.

My two cents worth, how about yours?

(I am lucky to have and would like to thank a certain eye candy for "accompanying" me for a large portion of my waiting time)

2nd week

So this officially marks the second week of holidays, and what have I done so far? Primarily gaming.
Not that gaming is such a bad thing; well I won't say I "deserved" the gaming spree, but the holidays are meant to be really relaxing.
However, there should be limits to gaming - no matter how "cognitively relaxing" it can be. I find myself suffering slightly from the LDMR (Law of Diminishing Returns), and deriving lesser and lesser joy from my games, unless I play with friends, in fact very old friends.

For the coming 2 weeks, I will engage in something different from merely gaming. Hence I shall force myself to stay in hall, there's this weird compulsion occurring to me once I'm in hall: I feel like exercising more often and engaging in non-gaming activities. But once at home all I want to is to game (other than going out). Not really bothered to delve into the reasons why, so I shall just follow my inner instinct for the "betterment of mankind".

Need to exercise now, get back my fitness.

Random: The radio personality commented how her underage daughter had 800 friends on facebook. I just did a quick check and I have 1,000+? Wow. But... do I feel like I have that many? hehe. I think not. I bet most are probably random additions.

Room warming

My room was thoroughly warmed up today (link pun to housewarming).
Thanks for my visitors, even though I might have caused some disruption to the studying.

Really appreciated the company. Really. (:

Examinations v1

3 down, 2 more to go.
This is the first of the 9 probable times we will be having examinations, similar to the countless examinations that I have taken since I started on this learning journey.
The same apprehension, trepidation, anxiety, fear, confidence and confusion feelings keep coming back again. The flurry of activities always the same - the discussions of questions, the complaints of mistakes, the muted inner celebrations of the confident and the ambivalent silence of those who wish to leave whatever happened in those four walls, within those walls.

It is quite interesting to see what happens when examinations near. Some people change and pull off all-nighters or engage in furious study plans. Few remain their idyllic lifestyles - of course with some increased degree of studying, but still generally relaxed. But generally, non-academic activities seem to come to a standstill. It is as though there are seasons in Singapore - the examination season, and the non-examination season.

It is also intriguing to observe how people study together. I think how one study shows quite a bit about the person's character when performing real work. Because this is "every man for himself" (if you put it crudely), how the person work is how this person thinks he can achieve his own sweet success. There's nothing bad with being the solo or working in teams - it is just your own personal style.

I don't mind studying with people, but usually groups study at (which I think) cramped places which I don't feel comfortable in, hence my preference for being in my room. Furthermore, once in my room there's quite a high inertia to bring me out again. Second, I have my own personal habits (which might be detrimental to my studying in fact) that I know can irritate the studious, and hence I stay away from them.

So does this make me a solo person? Well I have determined that I am more introverted than I initially thought I was. So do such behaviours make sense? Maybe, maybe not.

Some nights

There are nights like this where I wished I have someone to really talk to.
Someone close, in every distance imaginable.
Someone I can hug without inhibitions.

No worries, this is not work-related.

Ah Boys to Men

So I just finished the movie "From Ah Boys to Men" and I must say my $7.50 was worth it.
There are several things to ponder about with respect to this single event: 1) how much would you go to "save" the $2-$4? 2) Did people join mainly of watching or did peer pressure exerted more influence? But those can be put aside, I am focusing on the review.

It is no rocket science to conclude that local shows cannot cater to the international market. However it is precisely that very characteristic that allows it to strike a chord in me. It is no longer simply a smattering of Singlish, but rather a wide plethora of "Singaporean behavior" plainly exhibited. What the motives are can be varied: Is Jack Neo poking fun at our behaviors? Or is he giving us a warning to our incessant self-mindedness?


"Ah Boys" engaged a wide range of stereotypical characters present in the Army, and many I am rather familiar with. For a story with such diverse characters, 1.5 hours is definitely not enough for any in-depth character development, but some credit should be given for the effort to develop the protagonist (albeit the very unbelievably sharp 180 degree change in attitude - which was played with some humour as well).
The most compelling reason to watch the show is the fact it resonates with me very well - I am the very sergeant who gets to observe such actions first hand. Many other army personnel might have gone through BMT, but they only have the perspective of the trainee / recruit. For me (and some lucky/unlucky others), I get to have both perspectives - from the commander and the trainee point of view. And the show aced that aspect. In fact, watching the show could be considered a satirical playback of my history - and some of the facts shown were even true (certified by me)! In addition to the army scenes, there was one significant scene which I could relate to: When the protagonist suffered from the (stupidly) self-inflicted heat stroke, he realised that his foolhardy actions had impacted everyone, and hence turned over the proverbial leaf. If you remembered, I had a great fall and broke my arm. And I too personally saw how my actions regrettably implicated my parents and my friends - who had to take time off to visit and care for me. For my broken arm, although I regret worrying my parents, I do not regret breaking it - in fact it was after that incident where my views about them changed.


Funny thing is, whilst watching it, I had this compulsion to go back to the Army. Sounds ludicrous right? I realised I really loved my position. I loved teaching the recruits, and having this responsibility to train them. To watch recruits being able to complete physical and mental challenges, and challenging them as well is a task quite gratifying. I am really thankful for the opportunity to be in Tekong. I might sound like some propaganda machine spewing out good words for the Army, or be seen as the naive soldier brainwashed by the Army, but it was honestly a good time there. Of course it is better being the civilian as I have other goals to accomplish, but that being said, my time as a sergeant training recruits was rewarding and enriching. I miss those times. (This could link to another topic: am I a sucker for a leadership position? Am I more of a leader or a teacher? More concisely, do I prefer and more capable to be a leader or a teacher?)

Overall, the show was good money well spent. It is comical, yet sends a very good lesson. I am sure many of us would immediately see the protagonist as "immature" and "childish" - but that is sadly, a stereotypical image of guys before entering NS. Haha, maybe I was like that too? I am not too sure. I think I was unlike him - that protagonist is just too pathetic XD But such views cannot be said from the first person view, it has to be from a third-person perspective.

Oh and there will be a part two. Totally cannot wait to see the storyline being played out. :D

Appreciation

Remember my post about: Do unto others what you want others to do unto you? Ok maybe I did not post it but it struck my memory before.

I try my best to show signs of appreciation to people's efforts and gifts (of both tangible and non-tangible kind) to me.
And it seems that I am also a sucker for signs of appreciation. I don't ask for it, because appreciation is something that has to be initiated, not asked for. You can request for a note of appreciation but the effect is much downplayed compared to the note of appreciation arriving as a surprise to you.

Damn, maybe I should stop anticipate for appreciation and just carry on with life and my work? Am I selfish? Or is this form of anticipation for appreciation a means for me to "benchmark" myself and know if what I am doing is "right" or "wrong"?

Of Leading and Leadership

I realise I am in love with Verdana. I hope it is a girl's name, but no, it is simply a name of a font-type. Of course, I do not love Verdana so much that I have to be with her (use her) in every assignment that I do, but when I feel happy and want to share my work with others, I rely on Verdana. I do not feel angst or a feeling of hatred when someone else communicate with Verdana (hope you understand the layers involved) too, neither do I feel too lonesome if I do not see Verdana for a long time.
You can clearly see the juxtaposition involved - the rest is for your analysis.

But this is not the purpose of this post. But this can be another observation of myself: I tend to link everything and "connect the dots", no matter how abstract it can be.

We have learnt, or rather reinforced our understanding of, "leading". In fact, FOM (Fundamentals of Management) helped to concretise the understanding of myself. It assigns qualitative values to my personality, provides adjectives and descriptions to otherwise my indescribable character.
Shall cut this short, I tend to ramble ):

3 projects later, I realised I have always been taking the "leading" role. No I am not proclaiming my ability in leading - in fact I think my leading capabilities are narrowly bounded to certain situations, and neither am I analysing why I tend to get the leading role - and it is not because "I am good".

What I will be discussing is the difficulties I face when placed in a leadership position. I have concluded that I take on a "democratic, participative" leadership - but to a bad extent. I worry I provide too much work for my members. I worry equity theory is played against me. I worry I give imbalanced amount of work to each member. I worry of what my group members will think of me. I worry I will appear as inefficient and ineffective.
I worry that the overall job will not be of what I want - this is another problem which should be discussed another time. To quote someone: I can be domineering at times. But I really worry alot. Worry worry worry.

As an act divergent from my typical self, I shall not put my own analysis to this.

I do love some feedback on this. I am open to any criticism, in fact I want to know your perspective. I want to know if you too feel this way about me.
Of course, I understand that some of us only met just recently. Some of us have yet to meet for long time. And for those that I met, we might not have sufficient interaction for you to gain an understanding of me.

And lastly, I admit, I am a humblebragger. Everyone is. But I shall admit I am. Even stating this sentence is humble bragging.

Too soft

While talking, a close friend of mine commented, "I think it's just you (Kevin) that is slow. Look at all your projects, they are slow."

That was quite a straightforward statement without any deep underlying meanings or sugar-coating euphemism - just a pure direct, in-your-face observation.

And I have to thank her for that.

Reflecting so far on my projects, I realised this has always been happening to project groups that I am in - especially those that I am "leading". It is quite ironical, I always have the road laid out but end up having to squeeze all the workload at the end because honestly, the plan does not always work out according to plan (pun intended).

Upon a minute or two of introspection, I can conclude that this unhealthy phenomenon can be primarily attributed to my form of leadership. As frequently stated (I honestly feel this is me) as interview answers, I take on a democratic form of leadership which can be good as it involves each member. However, when coupled with my mediating nature I tend to under assign or not put too much pressure onto my team mates. It can be a good thing as (I think) my team mates would feel happy and pleasant working under me, but it can be disastrous when I do not have luxury of time or when I get abused.

I am trying to be more forthcoming and practical in my leadership - I believe I am efficient in many ways and my no-nonsense meetings usually end fast and agendas are followed strictly. But how come my projects end up so late? I think a good way to start can be the deadlines I set. I tend to set very long deadlines, and that can be worked upon. Second, I can demand more from my members.

But the process to achieve these changes will be an uphill task, though I hope not a Sisyphean one.

Damn I need to improve on my English, my vocabulary is declining rapidly.

Specialisation

I have to do a stock take on myself. I have to find out what I want to excel in, since I am neither good at anything in the first place.

I have to be the best in at least something, and with the current standards way above mine I will need to focus on something. I want to at least perform / represent the hall, why waste so much effort on something just to be a bench warmer?

So Kevin, choose one:
1) Dance
2) Badminton
3) Squash

There is such a frightening coldness to being able to communicate with people so effectively and never feeling as though you exchanged actual thoughts.

http://thoughtcatalog.com/2012/i-will-always-care-too-much/

Stock take

I just browsed through my past posts, and am inspired to do a stock take on myself so far.

I realised I am indeed a personification of "Jack of all trades, master of none". I can't identify any instances where people seek me because of some expertise that I have that is noticeable or impressive. Maybe I have forgotten about it, but it seems that everywhere I look there's someone who is known for - something.
I can play many sports, but am not good enough at any to even make it to any teams or pose a satisfactory challenge to anyone.
My academics are generally not too bad, but I am not that known to be good at any.
I have friends and can warm up to people very easily, but I lack any "close cliques" - at least this is from my perspective. Sorry I am not insulting any other close groups that I am currently in.
There are so many other points I can find but I just don't wish to put all down.
Even while I am typing, I am wondering to myself, am I ranting this just to gain attention? Just to gain sympathy? And then there's the other voice telling  me: "Don't try to win sympathy, it will gain nothing instead".

I have made many decisions, and am currently in Dance, Badminton and Squash - all hall-based because honestly I won't make it to the school team. There's a difference between "giving up a chance to try" and "wasting time". However, even within these groups, I am not even good enough to be the main team or forefront - at least that's what I think.
What's with this mentality and insecurity? Why am I thinking this way? I know this is unhealthy, but I just can't help to think about it. I know I shouldn't be thinking this way, but it is this inner thought that I have been suppressing all the while.
I am sorry that if you read and you reflect on yourself and think: "But look at me, I am worse than you (Kevin) in A, B...", but I refuse to accept such "rebuttals". Quite ironical though that I think this way.
Maybe I just want recognition. Maybe I just need reaffirmation. Maybe I should stop being such a practical idiot and compare myself with those who are "lousier" than me? Oh wait why should I be comparing with them? Shouldn't we always look forward?

Oh god. So much contemplation. I should sleep, what am I doing at 2.30am and self-deluding and imposing so much stress on myself?

Anyway based on what Sean wrote, I should put pen down my thoughts the moment they come into my head. So yea, here it is.

Sigh

Room mate: Do you sigh when you do something wrong?
Me: No. Why?
Room mate: You seem to be sighing a lot these days, why sia?
Me: Haha. I am just sighing mainly whenever I think of the workload that is piling for me.
Room mate: You like damn emo these days sia.
Me: Not sure leh. But now it is mainly because of the workload.

I must say that I was 暗笑-ing when he asked me that. It just shows one thing: he noticed me, which I am grateful for. That seemingly innocuous question just had so much resemblance to what someone close would ask me - it just felt so surreal at that moment.
Of course there are many things that we do not do together, although I hope that he bring me along. Nonetheless, I am unable to do with him anyways because I have to clear work.
But I am really grateful to have him as a room mate.

Work

Am I doing enough?
Am I productive enough?

I think I can do more on both aspects.

I think I have lost the capacity to love.
Ok, maybe I have instead lost that urge to love?
Ok, maybe I still have that urge to love, but it is suppressed by many other thoughts preoccupying my mind?

Sick again

I think my body is protesting against all the decisions made so far. Primarily the decision to sleep at seemingly unearthly hours.

Breaking down in response to all my late nights seems to be a powerful driver to recover my sleep debt.
Why is my sleep deprivation threshold so low?!
):

Social butterfly without wings

I have to learn that you don't have to be a social butterfly to get on in uni.

Warning: Tough Road Ahead

I knew it would be tough. But I never expected it to be this challenging.

This chapter of my life is going to be tumultuous - at least I am feeling the pre-shocks now.

But I shall strive on. Sacrifices have been made, priorities reshuffled.

To quote my father, "You have to be the best".

0100hrs

It has been almost a week straight of sleeping at 1am.
Am I pressurising myself too much or am I doing the right thing by revising?

Failure to decide is a decision itself

The parable of sadhu.

One great life lesson:

Failure to decide is a decision itself

Run

Should I run, or should I not run?

So many considerations, and a friend told me that many alliances have been made, leaving me stranded - as usual.
I think I need some life lessons.

Is being there really something I want? Or should I take it as a challenge for myself?

University

Life's changing
Be more decisive
Be more shameless

Learn new things
Make new friends

Maintain old contacts
Treasure old memories

Utilise past experiences
Appreciate past knowledge

No one is going to approach you to talk, you have to talk to him/her
No one is going to compel you to mug, you have to push yourself
No one is going to come to you if you suck, so you have to be good in the first place

Basically, it is all about me.
The journey has just begun.

加油 Kevin, and to all friends - especially my readers (:

Camps

3 weeks and 3 camps later...
I made a substantial number of friends
I pushed myself beyond what I thought was possible of my left arm
I learnt so many ways to travel from places to places
I enjoyed myself throughout these 3 weeks

and most importantly,
I am learning more about myself, sorting out the "real me".

NOLC
REP
Hall 11

*to be continued when I am more sober*

Camps

Time for a change.
I shall drop my inhibitions, and practice out the new me.
I was introverted and cared too much about other people's opinions of me.
"If you don't know me, don't judge me."
But of course, there is a thin line between being fully oneself and respecting others.

I shall try that.
I should have fun and will have fun.
But safety is still of paramount importance.

Good luck to me.

20 things I should have known at 20

Stumbled upon this post in my Facebook feed. I daresay this is one of rare posts which I find really meaningful and practical - far from the idyllic idealistic and the emotional and the angsty posts and phrases which seem to crowd Facebook. You might say this (post) is in fact an accumulation/compilation of all those various "inspirational quotes", but this post does a bit more explanation and has a more holistic view.
Furthermore, I concur with a preponderance of the points (maybe I am biased) and the style of his explanations are similar to my previous posts.

I am really tempted to copy everything down here and do a point-by-point comparison, but it is getting late, I shall do it another time then.

So here it goes:
20 things I should have known at 20

Console

How do you console someone?
I have no idea.

Someone please teach me.

Just for laughs

I have to show these. Came back from a long day of medical appointments and tuition, decided to check out a youtube video that a professor had shown the class this afternoon.
Prof: You guys are tired, I think you need some energy.

And he showed this:


I went on to find more interesting stuff, and found this:


And I called it a day by watching this:


I shan't comment on any of them. Just watch (:

Heal or zeal?

Tried squeezing a stress ball with my left hand. As expected, I managed that Herculean task after much struggle. I stared at that nondescript, innocent looking ball, which seemed to symbolise the actual weakness plaguing that hand - or is it I am thinking too much?

Am I too aggressive in my healing, expecting myself to heal much faster than expected? Or am I not doing enough exercise to strengthen and regain back my strength?

Sometimes I am really frustrated at myself. Am I doing harm? Or have I tried enough? Don't get me wrong, I am not morose about getting the fracture. In fact I do not regret it, I see it as purely an accident.

However, I am quite worried about its implications. It is like, you are given a situation and you have to handle this situation. So what are the options do you have? What are the choices do you have? Should I show how strong I am and risk re-injury? Or should I be passive to "heal" faster - but being passive means I will be socially less active! What a dilemma.

And then there's that wart on my leg...

Damn my uni....

Occupational Therapy

Came back from a session of occupational therapy. First thing I noticed when I went in there: there was a predominance of females - as in therapists, not patients. It seems as though the "fairer" sex has a predilection for occupational therapy; based on what I heard though males prefer to go for physiotherapy - I have no inkling what the reason is.

Anyway, this is the first session that foreshadows the routine I will undertake in the months to come. I hope it does not adversely affect my university life (social and academic); I might miss events or regular outings. I might be thinking and extrapolating too much, but I really do not want to have the same kind of social life in university as I did have in primary school through junior college - mainly temporary, transient and practical relationships. This explains why I am more active in social gatherings and trying to reverse the trend and at least communicate with my friends more - so our relationships do not just exist as "schoolmates" or "classmates" but rather "friends".

My left arm is moulting! Well it has yet to actually touch soap and water since Thursday so the grime and dirt on it would still linger there. Even though I regularly wipe any exposed area on my left arm, it is insufficient to exfoliate the skin and hence the build up seems to be showing itself. I shall pamper my left arm once it is cleared for shower (:

Well my arm is healing. Thanks to those who have consistently asked for the progress of my healing. Not many people, but I am comforted that at least people still follow up. That's one thing that is undervalued and overlooked - consistency. Shall get to that point in another post.

Thanks for reading!

Hospitals pt 2

Now that I am discharged, I have this quaint feeling of returning back to the hospital.
With my laptop there, I was actually quite at home over there. Furthermore, there was 24/7 air-con and of course, people to "serve you". I know this might sound egoistical but sometimes it is really nice for people to be under your beck and call - of course you don't treat it as a right and hence abuse the nurses, but rather as a privilege and approach them when you genuinely need help. Furthermore, there will always be food and I need not brood over how to get my next meal - which is what is happening now. Of course, now I am literally alone at home; at least in the hospital I can still chat with the nurses/doctors (or find yiyang at NNI).
So all those trade-offs for my unlimited liberalisation (or is it really?) at home? Mmmm. My current situation can really be juxtaposed against my situation in NS - unlimited liberalisation or 'restriction of freedom' with the other perks? To be honest, I am not really that restricted in the hospital (nor in the Army then). The only downside is I am unable to go out with friends (and the hospital internet connection is not that good, though it is decent already).

So some food for thought yea?
I should relish this independence that I have always fought for.
At the end of the day, the very thing I feared, I seemed to accept it. Technology really changes everything.

Hospitals

Screw my hormonal tendencies
Screw those deep thinking, it is only making myself more dull.
Just get a life.


One thing about hospitals is that it is really bad for us young people
No matter how efficient and effective the medical care hospitals provide - they only provide that one spectrum of care; they are unable to provide any support to one's emotional and psychological well-being.
Those brusque questions that they ask that speaks of concern for one's emotional needs (like "How are you?") are usually cursory formalities. Once you tell them you are ok, they will simply go off to another patient.
I don't blame them for that. Hospitals are to provide "medical care", not "emotional care" or "spiritual care" - these are handled by other institutions such as one's families, friends and religion.
Despite knowing all these and understanding their limitations, I just still can't help but feel lost and needy in that aspect.
But I know, everyone else has a life. I also do not want to be a burden to them. I do not want to let my environment affect me, neither do I want my environment to be affected because of me.
I have to do things by myself, on myself, with myself. Friends will have their own lives to lead. My parents have their jobs to do. SMSes will stop coming. Well wishes will subside. But this journey will not simply end - I have to travel it alone; whilst assuring the rest I am fine.

I foresee tribulations to come. Emotional disturbances and the sense of helplessness and handicap will ensue.
But this is a battle, albeit a solo one. Wielding one mighty sword, and an arm of steel, I shall wage this war alone. Stand back my friends.

Broken, yet healed

"How could this happen to me, I've made my mistakes, Got no where to run..."
The song that played in my mind while I was venting my frustration on that exercise mat.
"Can't believe I was a fool again"
It was not the creeping, emanating pain that bothered me.
It was becoming crippled. It was the becoming to be a burden to my friends then - I effectively wasted their time there; and to my parents - they would not sleep well. It was that dreaded morose situation I would be in that overwhelmed me - a long hiatus from my fun, active lifestyle.
Maybe this is a forced break (pun intended) from my current life. Was I overconfident? Is this punishment for engaging in extreme sports notorious for injuries?
What is certain though, I am not going to do any sports for next few months.
What is absolute though, I am warded - something which I have long dreaded to be
What is for sure though, I am now Titanium Man. Right now with my left arm bandaged, I can cosplay Megaman!

There is only so much that a hospital can provide in terms of service and care. But they can never fully ameliorate the boredom that is so characteristic of hospitals. Luckily I am mentally alert and have my dominant hand free; I am able to access the internet and chat with friends. Nevertheless, I shall pay all my sleep debts.
But the freaking phone network is quite shitty here - I am beside windows but my phone calls can still get disconnected and SMSes fail to be sent.

Well, this injury has also concretised my camp plans (more of cancellation). Somehow with this removal of activity, there is a removal of choices; but also the removal of my week long dilemmas and abolishing the need to ponder over decisions.

I am really very touched by the generous amount of attention I am gaining. I am also trying to be more proactive - by informing others whom I deem should know of my condition, rather than wait for them to find out. To quote someone: "walau why such important things also don't want to tell me". However, I still wish for more - well it is quite comforting and gratifying to know that people are concerned for you, but the effect is enhanced when the concern comes from people you feel special to.

and i typed all these with 1 hand (:

Revelations

I did more self introspecting and ruminating on board the many solo travelling trips round the sunny island. Have to sort out many thoughts again, for they keep coming to bug me time and again.

I have to constantly remind myself that I actually typed out this post, so why am I not following it sometimes?
But I have some more clarification to make.

• Acquaintances are acquaintances. Friends are friends. But your romantic partner is your family.
  You can only have 1 father and 1 mother - based on the atypical child (excluding children born through surrogates and conceived via multiple donors). Because your romantic partner - your future spouse - will technically be your family, you can only have 1 spouse (that is if you are not in any religion that condone multiple spouses). And that one spouse would stay with you all the way till your deathbed (that is if you are faithful and not promiscuous).
  Your direct family will be actively concerned about your life, like what you do day by day. They will usually be the one who will know of major decisions of your life whether you informed or not; they will usually be the one who will be informed when you travel overseas. They will be always be the one you fall back to at the end of the day (at least for Singaporeans staying with their parents). Sadly, many of us do not appreciate that our parents are perpetually there for us, and we do not normally approach them when we need the safety net - only at the very last straw do we turn to them battered and bruised and hope for some miracle cure.
  However, friends, despite us being close to them, they usually come and go. Yes you can have close friends, but no matter how close they are, there will still be an invisible line that is drawn between you and them. Friends can change with time, but your parents (and by extension, your spouse) can't - I am sure this is an undisputed fact that everyone has their own personal anecdotal evidence to support. This is one main distinguishing factor that I need to realise.
  One's friends won't come purposely asking what is happening with one's life when they are busy. But for our friends, a simple "sorry I am busy, ttyl" is enough an excuse, however polite and good-natured, to brush aside someone else's problems. However, the family does. Despite the hectic work that our parents are mired in, they will be asking what happened with our day. They will be more than happy if you would want to share your day with them! Just that most of the time, we tend to huddle up with our computers (like me) and blare our sorrows to intangible online avatars with whom we have spent so much more quality time with in real life that with our own familial ties.

Problem with that statement is that I seem to over glorify parents too much. But I would like to point out that "parents" include "spouse" by extension, since he/she will legally be your immediate family once the registration of marriage is completed. Of course not all parents are the same, some might seem to be "incorrigible" or "irreconcilable", but have we given enough effort to repairing a seemingly broken relationship? Have we misunderstood them? Have we communicated enough?
We are happy to chat with our friends because they will usually agree with you and "sympathise" with you; unlike our parents who are notoriously at "loggerheads" with and constantly in love with "denigrating" us. We love to pour our sorrows with our friends because we feel they can empathise with us but not the people who provided us with the blood and life and took care of us to begin with.
Of course for those with initially broken families (wedlock, single parents for etc.), I won't say much because I have no right to. But for the rest of the more privileged us (I am one), I think we have neglected our parents too much.


That is one part of the blog.
Another part is some musing.

I have to learn to accept that my friends have their own life. I have to remember that I typed the post. I have to remember that I have gone through these thoughts before but why do I keep coming back for more reminders?
My friends won't be directly asking for my day-to-day activities. My friends will be asking me for relatively more major decisions. I need to realign my definition of "close friends" as "friends who are supposedly able to see your character and understand you" and removing the clause "friends who will constantly chat with you". Maybe my definition is not flawed and I have yet to meet any close friends?


Or maybe this is my personality and I should not change it? Why should I change to fit others, instead of letting others fit me?
That is a really big question. I would really love some ideas from you readers, and yes I am really soliciting for opinions. Yes, I am attracting attention. Yes, this is me, or is it? I am confused.

Fooled, tricked with duplicity of my own kind

I can't believe I am fooled. I am fooled by myself. I am tricked by my own desire. I'll be damned.
Guess I'll have to keep reminding myself that not everyone operates the same way as I am, and not everyone operates the way I wish them to, and not everyone treat me the way I wish them to.
Maybe I have to do the sorting more vigorously...

How? When uni comes....

Corn therapy

Day 1 of corn therapy
Bought corn plasters from Guardian, $4.20 for 10 pieces.
Stuck 1 today, before removing that piece and sticking a fresh one after shower.

Let's hope for results (:

New friends

So now that I have found a new social circle
What shall I do with it?

Shall I do what I have always wanted? Be "aggressive" and maintain casual conversational relationship? But at the risk of possibly scaring them away?

Or shall I be that taciturn pacifist and just let these relationships whittle away and let them join the dozens of "friends" that I have who are sitting idling in my phone or facebook contacts but have yet to contact with?

The Bed

The bed.
The ubiquitous part of a house that can be found in all shapes, sizes, types, colours, designs and "messiness". Even the destitute and those who have fallen through the social cracks have at least a "bed" to call their own - be it a piece of cardboard or styrofoam.

Nonetheless beds carry far greater meaning than just a place where we spend almost 1/3 of our lives (for normal people with socially normal sleeping patterns)

They signify hope. When you sleep, you are calling it a day and hoping for the next day to come to bring you more time do the things you need and/or love to.

They signify trust. When you are able to sleep, you trust your environment, your shelter, your house to protect you from the elements. People who are unable to sleep are usually wary of their surroundings, residing in unfamiliar terrain or plainly suffering from insomnia.
Also, when you bring someone to bed with you, there is trust between the partner. If money is involved then the bed is merely a contraception to conduct those acts of lust. But if both partners are there on their own accord, it brings the relationship to a new level.

They bring about dreams. Dreams are yet to be analysed with such great detail as other forms of physical science are. Dreams can be blissful or horrendous. Dreams can provide some clairvoyance or misleading duplicity. Dreams can provide inspiration or disparagement.
There are dreams people want to share the moment they wake up, or they rather relish it in private.
There are dreams that vanish the moment you open your eyes, or dreams that linger in the recesses of your mind.
There are even dreams within a dream, forcing you to be in some "inception"-like state, befuddling and bewildering the "victim".
Whatever it is, dreaming is a mysterious phenomenon that some are proud of,
fearful of, full of or even lacking of.

I do have dreams where I long to return and enjoy myself in that imaginary scenarios; I can still replay some of them in my head. I also do have nightmares that I can remember vividly of, and I try to analyse and piece any vital information together to gain some lessons from them.

The bed. What an interesting place.
I think I need to 珍惜 it more XD

A start

I'm really fortunate to have my parents.
I'm really glad I made the decision to talk to them.

Somehow it linked to one of the essays from the SAT.

to quote:

It is a start

Prelude to an end

Today marks the end of my 5 month long internship.
Learnt alot.

But I shall leave the blogging to tomorrow.
For tomorrow is also the end of my self-imposed exile.

Boggart

I really need a boggart now. So I know what my actual fears are and I can face them straight on!
Too many layers in my mind already, I don't know which is the real me.

Perplexing perspicacity and puzzling perspectives

Understanding perspectives is a wonderful thing; however being able to look at many angles may also bring confusion to oneself.

Let's have a typical scenario everyone is familiar with (does not necessarily mean being able to sympathise with):
K didn't get the top tier scholarship.

*After comparing with friends who got better results*

Sian, why he/she can get but I can't? Is my interview that screwed compared to his/hers? No, I cannot be depressed - what others will tell me, as this is just a  mistake. This would not set me back "significantly" and hence I should focus on the way forward.  

However, practically how many times can I "fall" and have the metaphorical door closed before me? Yes I can do that when I was in Primary School or when I am already in the course of my choice and I am in Year 1. Ok, you can say I can go the long way round and restart that segment of my life or something, but seriously, talk is much easier. I know of someone who has done that, but such people who successfully do it are a rare lot. So am I the rare lot? I should be motivating instead of relegating myself, but is it that simple?

How about comparing yourself with people who get "lousier results"? Do I have to lower my expectations and compare myself with "weaker" people (sorry to be crude) just to console myself? What kind of blatant fallacy am I trying to face? How about people who were seemingly "weaker" but ended up leaping over me? What about those?

Those are the typical questions that are running through my mind already.
However, we will also want to confide in our friends with our "problems", but hey, even such actions are mired in confusion.

*Before confiding in friends who got worse results than me*

They will try to console me and use their personal results as evidence to show that the world has not ended. However, should I even ask them since they will also be hurt inside? Isn't it too much for me to ask them for consolation? It will even be worst for them since they will be constantly reminded of their worse situation than mine. In the end I will feel bad for my friend to undergo this self-sacrifice for me and hence will not ask or share such things.

*Before confiding in friends who got better results than me*

They will claim: aiya, this (the poorer results) shouldn't be a problem. Probably it was just misfortune that the interview was probably screwed up or something - maybe it was the interviewers who had problems? They will console me by saying I am smart and that my results have shown it. I will be able to do better in my next phase of my life. And if I try to dissuade them too much, the donor fatigue will set in and I will be trying to salvage the relationship and the original problem will be shoved aside, only to brew and ferment into something worst, especially when I will not dare to approach this friend for any more complains. 

Conclusion: don't chat with friends about such things. (Which is bad)

What life I am in?
I am sure you will be able to spot alot of conflicting perspectives I have. There is the pragmatic, altruistic, never-say-die...

I am really lost in determining how much to which side I am in, if this sentence even makes sense.

No worries, I am really happy with myself. But sometimes when I dwell on such issues I really want to share my thoughts with someone without being seen to be desperate. I also want criticism. But I also want praise.

Or maybe I just want more attention from people? Maybe I am jealous? Maybe I am insecure? Maybe I am envious of those characters in drama shows where their closest partners are able to understand the character of those characters.
And I really prefer a small group setting to chat, maybe 2 to 1 or 1 to 1. My introversion at work? I don't know.

Maybe I need to find someone new? But aren't I unfair to my current friends? Have I given them enough chances to understand me?

Gosh. Perplexed.

Lord of the rings

Just obtained the LOTR ultimate soundtrack and have been listening to it - the entire album last almost 10 hours!
Shall spend one day to compile all my favourite parts into 1 or 2 tracks.
And should I re-read the book again; listening to the music somehow inspires me to do so.

Brooding

While waiting for my video to finish publishing (it is part of my current job), I let my mind wander to sort out some issues.

Amidst all the screaming, pounding fists, running and yearning, one must wonder how much stress teachers are under while in this school. Extrapolate that and one can really be surprised at how much pressure teachers, in mainstream schools, are under - technically it is no surprise to me since I have first-hand experience with a primary school teacher.
Like many other jobs, this profession is pretty much thankless. To be reiterate, one should not expect much remuneration when being in this job. This is a job where the effort of the individual is not reaped overnight, but rather over an extended period of time, or even when the student has long left the care of the teacher. So who is really responsible for any "success"? Does it necessarily mean that a teacher who has straight A students under her tutelege is significantly better than a teacher who has students barely passing?
There are many perspectives and points to this topic and I do not wish to discuss it here - at least not yet.


There has been recent circulation of quotes on facebook regarding topics of "yes-men" and "standing up for what you are right", and I can't help but feel perturbed at it. Maybe I do not have a backbone or a personal voice, but it seems that I always try to put my shoes in others. I seem to be the innocuous one, adverse to any forms of belligerence.

But what if being able to agree with different, even contrasting, views is in fact a stand by itself? Of course I am not obsequiously agreeing, but rather I see logic in that perspectives - by drawing boundaries. I do not like extremes. I like balance, and diplomacy is what I believe in. But in retrospect, it is in fact my sitting on the fence that makes people scorn at me. Maybe that indeed is my stand?

I really look forward to a discussion about myself with anyone close. Problem is... who?

2 looks

Was watching "The Fierce Wife" and came across this quote. Just had to post this because I found this too witty and resounding to keep in my head.

There are two things in the world that no one can conceal:
1) Sneezing
2) The look of love

When was mine?

Affairs of the heart

Affairs of the heart can be so...
perplexing and confounding;
heartwarming and soothing;
painful and exasperating;
enthralling and motivating;
enervating and heart wrenching;
logical and methodical;
silly and absurd;

precipitous yet gradual;
temperamental yet steady;

or maybe its just me.

Crap. Handled the situation wrongly.
Why is it that the more I look at it the worst my actions seem to be?

Am I being cowardly? Or am I thinking for others. Or am I dwelling too much?

Personality and Multiple Intelligence

Had a short break between some duties so I decided to take this "Multiple Intelligence" test.
Looks like I am quite a loner, and highly logical. Does that make me more emotionally detached?

Obsession and Fancy

Where do you draw the line between obsession and fancy?

How about between eye candy and puppy love?
You will at least step slightly out of your way to catch a glimpse of her. If opportunity presents itself to have a slightest inch of communication with her, you will wholly grab onto it.
But aren't those signs of love? Or at least nascent strands of puppy love.

Why is it that, when you forget someone over the course of the weekend, once you see her again your mind is filled with her again? (I don't mean thinking of her 24/7, but at least you will notice her more often) It is quite distracting. At least I am certain I won't spend the rest of my life with her.

What's with me and those guy thing to be attracted to girls? ...

Getting back on track

Upon introspection, I have gone astray again.
I am playing more games than usual and neglecting my other work.
Army did a great job at weaning me off games, but now the extra freedom has been consumed by needless entertainment.

I have so many things to do, but so little time.

Now I shall limit myself to only ONE game or ONE hour (whichever is lesser) everyday for gaming. The rest shall be doing my work or other interests.

As a self reminder:

• Breakdance
• Guitar
• SAT
• Tuition
• Engineering

Bubble Me

I think I am really in love with bubble tea - at least for quite some time already. Once I am at Clementi central and I have some spare time (at least 5 minutes) I will definitely get myself bubble tea. Either from 5 Degree Tea or Shiny Tea or Koi.
And I am rather price elastic (but I have ruled out most others), so once the first two shops do not offer any promotion I will go to Koi. (:
And I somehow know the style of the bubble tea made by the shops I patronise. Some are more milky, some have a stronger tea taste, and some are just plain sweet.

I may cringe at others spending a few cents more for drinks at the coffee shop but I am certainly fine with myself spending $2.40 for some pre-made tea drink with milk and balls of flour. That's certainly weird and nonsensical.
Oh well but I certainly love them.

However, addiction does not mean uncontrolled consumption. I have a limit of only 1 bubble tea per day, only on really really rare occasions do I drink more than once. That rule only applies locally, Taiwan bubble tea is buy on sight and yes I am not bothered by that fact.
But once I drink one cup of bubble tea, my lust (yes I think its an apt word) for the drink is quenched and I will have no inclination to lap up any more of that brown coloured drink.
Furthermore, I will only drink Bubble Milk Tea at 50% sweetness. I do not like to drink other flavours as I only like the standard, once-ubiquitous, the-one-which-started-it-all drink.
Lastly, I am picky about the drink when the cups are offered at similar prices. I taste-test new shops I see by buying my standard tea.

So yes, addiction? Yes. But at least not to the point it hurts my wallet (:

But I really like bubble tea. Drinking them makes me blissful for that moment.

And to readers: don't ask me to buy for you bubble tea without expecting me to drink some too! Ok la, I will buy my own cup to satiate my own hunger, no other bubble teas harmed.

American Pie

No matter how silly a show can be, lessons can still be gleaned from them

1) Even after having children, a couple should still treat each other like husband and wife and not as "father and mother"
2) Friends stick with you all the way, and their personalities will still be the same. But one should remember the circumstances they are in, and although the good old days are "fun", they should remain as "good old days".

Coincidence

Was surfing Facebook (Sundays are for relaxing right?) and came across this article from Thought Catalog.
Thought catalog has always provided good perspectives that strike a chord with many of us, but I came across these 2 articles which I really resonated with me. At least it was the same journey and revelations that I have with myself over the past year.


A Thank You To Real Friends

Reduce your self-loathing

I think there is no need for any explanation of how they are linked to me, by now it should be quite clear (:


Thank you readers! 

Upheaval Part 1

Part 1 of my upheaval.
Finished my essay so shall change my blog template to something more cheery and less moody.


Out from the dark into light.

Essay writing

My essay writing shall take a hiatus for now. It was fun while it lasted, but it was eating into too much of whatever time I have left.


There are 2 ways to look at it:
I am persistent and perseverant.
I am a stubborn failure.


Both are undeniable, aren't they?

Entertaining

Kevin Seng. Get a grip on yourself again.
Remember your post of revelations?


I think I need to add another point there. It surprises me to realise I missed that out. I will also update that post.

• People have their own lives. So entertain yourself. Including chatting.
  Don't expect others to worry or think about your plights and problems. Acting pity or displaying angst does correlate to increased attention, but it is not a direct relation - it is not a cause and effect. Having people to fret over you and show concern over you can give you loads of endorphins and is addictive, but make sure it does not lead to dependency. So whatever you have in your life, don't bother to announce it to the world and expect a reply. 

I realise I really like people to chat with me, and I like to chat with others. But I think this has become a hindrance and stumbling block for me...

Regarding Job Interviews

Came across an article talking about tough interviews.. and my greatest takeaway is this:

Swagger counts. The goal is not just to get the right answer, but to make it look easy. Great athletes do this naturally. Lately, job seekers are expected to do the same.

Seems like I have to do things another way. Be calm (:

read the article here
I think it will be worth your 5 minutes of reading.

INTJ 23rd March 2012

Personality changes.
I remember taking alot of such personality and self-awareness tests when I was in school, but sadly I have forgotten most of it.
I shall keep track of my personality changes (:
Anyway here it is for today 23rd March 2012

63% Introverted   vs 37% Extraverted
63% Intuitive       vs 37% Sensing
53% Thinking       vs 47% Feeling
63% Judging        vs 37% Perceiving

Revelations (Long one)

Went to NUS Open House 2012, which is (to me) eponymous to lots of goodies to take. I may sound like a practical unabashed about freeloading, but oh well don't tell me you won't take the things? Anyway, I only took from the booths which I visited - and this time round I had set my sights on solely a few - Engineering, Admissions and Overseas College. Ok enough of my "complicity", this is not the intention of my post.
After ruminating over some thoughts, being enlightened, pissing some off and thrown with dozens of perspectives, I have come up with some opinions that I shall live by. Some might be a surprise, some might be boring, some might make you go "why didn't you think of it earlier?" and some might obfuscate you. 

• It does not really matter if you fail in a selection.
  Yes it does show that you are unable to pass the interview, but hey, it could be that you are just not fit. Even if you sucked at the interview, no one in the future is going to directly pinpoint this failure.
• Know what you truly want.
  There are just so many things you can do in your quest for resume perfection or social life extension. But you only have 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, 52 weeks in a year. You cannot possibly expect to cram everything and still do well. This leads to the next point:
• The theory of opportunity cost is as real as it gets.
  You might yawn at the 2 words: opportunity cost. But on retrospect, it applies to you. Laugh at all those pictures that you see circulating on the internet regarding the life of university undergraduates while you still can. For once you are inside, you will determine your hands will be full with what. Make sure what you do is worth your time, and be able to fully reason with yourself in making the decision, which leads to the next point:
• Everyone has their own path to succeed, there is no need to follow others.
  A has done "this" and "that". This does not necessarily mean that if you never do "this" and "that" you will be shortchanged in life. By doing "this" and "that", you in fact want to signal to others that you have the ability to do some really good juggling and have awesome skills. So why not try "something else" instead? There will always be that "something else", you just have to find it.
• Specialising is more important than being a jack of all trades.
  In this era, it is about being exceptional in one field rather than spreading out your achievements. People are working in teams more, and they want something you have comparative advantage in. One first class honours is much more coveted than two second class honours, I can attest to that myself. It just shows that "Yes you are trying to attempt something difficult but it seems that you are unable to excel in it".
• When we say "make friends", you "make" friends, not friends "make" you.
  Do not expect people to come to you to socialise. If you think your network is small and you are not close to people, it is time to purge that pride and just initiate conversations with others. Others will always have their own schedules to meet and circles to entertain, you are just a contact in their contact list. So if you want to maintain contact, you take the initiative to maintain the contact. And while both of you are in the same activities together, cherish the times and make full good use of it to deepen the relationship. There is no use crying over split milk (or lost time). Once that activity ends, your level of friendship will either stagnate, or drop.
• You never know until you try.
  Self-explanatory. So what if you fail, experience is all you get. But make sure you put your 101% in whatever you do.
• Donor fatigue applies, even to your closest friends.
  After a while, your friends may get sick of your ranting and depression. Your friends can try and comfort and cajole you, but only you yourself have the ability to convince yourself that you are worth something. Putting on a woebegone mood occasionally is fine - your friends can give you that fillip needed. But putting on that down mood for extended periods of time can make you lose friends.
• People have their own lives. So entertain yourself. Including chatting.Don't expect others to worry or think about your plights and problems. Acting pity or displaying angst does correlate to increased attention, but it is not a direct relation - it is not a cause and effect. Having people to fret over you and show concern over you can give you loads of endorphins and is addictive, but make sure it does not lead to dependency. So whatever you have in your life, don't bother to announce it to the world.
  And bottom line...
• Do not regret what you did.
  This is the most important statement. Make sure whatever you do, when you turn back you can cherish it rather than make it an irremovable stain.

Think about whatever I said.

Some may seem selfish, some may seem practical. But whatever it is, keep those worthy of caring close, and sometimes those facebook circulations can be true!

Anyway, I am indeed trying some new vocabulary. Hehe (:

Upheaval

note to self: time for an upheaval

I am saying this because I am attention seeking.

I really do want to swear now. But I shall not swear.
Fuck this shit. I should just make myself so occupied I do not need to think about other people - when other people have their own lives as well.

To do:
Make new blog pictures.

Plank

In a relationship, be it romantic or platonic, how do you measure how interested is one party into it? How do you know whether you are probably "trying too hard" or whether it is not worth your time and "initiation efforts"?
Let's take an analogy that everyone might be familiar with, be it personally or not. A guy has a crush on a girl, but the to her, he is probably just an average John Doe in the class or school. I am not sexist, it may happen the other way round. To the guy, the girl means everything (figuratively) to him. To the girl, the guy means almost nothing to him - other than a cordial relationship. Hence, any observer (including me) will probably make the conclusion that in this particular boy-girl relationship, the relationship is too skewed towards the boy as he is trying to improve his end of the relationship.
I believe that a relationship is like a.. plank, or a rope, or something connecting the 2 people together (Too bad for love triangles or rectangles or whatever) In other for the relationship to gain "new heights" (pun intended), both sides must raise their ends of the plank or rope or connecting thing. Therefore, any party alone will be unable to raise the height of the relationship significantly.
So back to the analogy. The boy consistently tries to improve on the relationship; by trying to get near to the person, chatting up with the person or simply helping her in whatever ways he can.  However, the girl does not get the signal/ignores him and does nothing. After a period of time, one can visualise the plank becoming heavily tilted towards the girl's end. After a sustained period of time, the boy will probably be (figuratively and literally) trying to push the relationship higher but has an inherent limit (we all have limited heights).
So my question is, in such an analogy, do we act the pragmatic and tell the guy to give up his hopes, as he could channel his energies into other things? Or do we act the romantic person and tell the guy to keep on trying and maintaining his stand for one day the girl might notice and push her end up as well?
Basically, how do we know if we should give up or hang on? Or like what many people do now, just let go, let the plank drop slowly to some equilibrium and leave it there?


Now another question to think about, how do one "push" his end of the plank up?


In your relationship with friends, how many times do you initiate interactions with them? How many times do they initiate interactions with you? Are these indicators of your interest to them and their interest to you? Think back to the analogy above.
When I say "initiate", I mean any form of initiation, be it via phone messaging, online messaging, meet-ups or even face to face talking - is there a dominant person initiating interactions? Or is there a balance?
Furthermore, if the initiations do happen, do they only happen at certain times of your life? School? At work? What about the daily nights or Saturday or Sundays? It certainly says something when you only interact with the person during "work time" - it probably means you and the person are just colleagues. 


I have been ruminating over this issue. Sometimes I really wonder if I am trying too hard to get closer to people or make people think I am "helpful" and "friendly"?


Am I just too analytical?
Am I too worried over such things?
Am I feeling lonely?
Or am I just too attention seeking?
Or do I just long for some caring again?

Food for thought

It is always good to think through your thoughts before speaking or approaching a situation... but you should not also analyse too much, because it may instead lead to paralysis of your thinking as well


As usual, it is all about balance!

New Year

It is the new year, and although practically it is just another glorified day in history, many of us put some significance into this date. In fact, many put a goal towards this day.. like "It is the new year! Let's get new clothes!" etc. More would regard this day as the day of resolutions (whether you actually achieve it is another matter), somewhat like your birthday where you wish for things to be better/healthier/greater/more ____ in the upcoming 365.25 days. It is also a time for reflection, especially for the more introspective ones.


2011 had been an interesting year, a year of many firsts.
To name a significant few:
1. I was out of the army for good (haha, well.. it showed that I didnt do anything stupid inside there and got prosecuted)
2. I drove the car alone
3. I really packed my house and started throwing away junk that I force myself to think is useless
4. I picked up a musical instrument in more than a decade
5. I worked with girls after 2 long years.
6. I actually bought something for myself because "I think its nice".
7. I spent my this New Year alone in possibly 5,6 years?
8. A heavy blow is inflicted to me


So yea, this new year of 2012 shall be a year where I
1. Look ahead, and not look behind
2. Start to become more self-disciplined (I have always wanted this, but never got the will and mind to do it)
3. Shall earn more money
4. Make myself less dependable on others


And I need a new blog picture. (:


So to my readers, thanks for supporting me and caring for me!
As what I read on xkcd, I won't happy new year as I can't guarantee you to be happy for next 365 days... so "survive the new year"!