epic field camp

just got back (ok it was 2 days ago) from field camp, feeling more shagged out as compared to the BMT 5-day field camp for some reason.
maybe this field camp in SISPEC was much tougher than BMT one? to think back, I have definitely less sleep, more tiring exercises and complete with a route march not before but after! rawr. to top it up, our feet were practically soaked in water for >24 hrs, and to quote gordon: our feet looks like "a brain".

but then again, thinking back it has been quite a fun time in there. as what I have previously mused about, this is something I will never get to do in the future - as long as I do not join the army. furthermore, getting right down and dirty and with nature is something only kids will do without any hesitation

Army has mostly been deemed as a time-waster, brain-rotting experience, where you mainly follow orders rather than think. I beg to differ. In army, you have to think to make your own life better in the army. Be it trying to smuggle in food to feed your hungry stomach (oops) or learning how to filter some instructions, you need to rack your own brains. Of course, you might think I am trying to chao keng (slack), but well this indeed makes my army life more fun and illustrious :) furthermore, you get to meet really different people, people not from your own schools but from everywhere else. you get to know of other perspectives/personalities in lives - the highly pragmatic, the obedient and the gung-ho (hero), and you learn to appreciate them. this also makes you more aware of which personality you belong to.

of course, you would have been 2 years later than your peers, but what is 2 yrs compared to your lifetime. If you truly know what you want to do in life, I am sure this is not a setback, but rather an opportunity to develop yourself, spend time to refine your ideas, know your personality, get some contacts and grow physically.

not meant for me

maybe it just wasn't meant for me
even though how much I feel in tune with it, someone else felt that I wasn't up to the cut
I shall take this as an indication of my possibly inept interviewing skills, or the fact that I am not suited for Medicine

just like what weisin questioned, "I am surprised you weren't so devastated. Your entire life has been working towards it, no?"
I feel that my reactions are usually muted. That's my trait I think, I don't really tend to show my emotions of disappointment and anger, maybe some form of happiness I will light up like the sun but when it comes to the negatives I will show a poker face - even those grateful and deep form of happiness, especially when you know someone has put in so much effort for your sake.
Yes I am indeed very disappointed, I just felt so damned certain I could get in, I could feel that passion inside me burning.

Or maybe I aren't that passionate after all? Look what I have done and compare with the rest, anything to do with medicine? But then again, does that mean I am any significantly less passionate than those who do so?

anyway, this means the path has been blocked to me.
so as human beings, we need to find an alternative path then.