Irritable

Lately I have been quite irritable or impatient and impulsive.
Better go somewhere to chill and let myself relax, relax mentally and spiritually.

It seems that the drive to protect myself has led me to this rage. Better control myself.

What do you do?

What do you do when you face a issue that you want to change but have no idea how to do it?
Even diplomacy or insinuation has it's limits, both require the other parties to be able to catch what you are trying to mean.

Do imperfections exist to make reality real? Do temptations exist to test your will? Do choices exist to test your personality?

Love #1

Saw this from my friend's blog, just too good to pass it off as mere reading. Shall propagate these thoughts, which so happen to coincide with mine... 100%.

I think it’s critical for two people to understand each other’s heart and learn to accommodate each other’s differences rather than simply turning a blind eye or deaf ear ‘because I love him and that’s all that matters’. Because if two people are too different in the way they think, behave or live.. I reckon it will become a huge problem when the infatuation bubble bursts.


The soul aspect is when you start to see and want to share the rest of your life with this one other. And not in a clingy “I can’t live without you” way, but in a way that I can still live my life without you as I have before I met you, but now that you’ve come to exist in my life, I see the possibility of a life with you and now I actually want to make decisions and live a life, continuing to create more moments and memories together with you.

There's a fine line between clingy and loving / intimate. There are times where one should be "clingy" as this demonstrates this collapse of a physical barrier between the couple. This shows the want to be together and the importance one place on the other, since when you are clingy you actually "sacrifice" your own personal time and space to be with the person, it's akin offering yourself to the other person (minus the sexual connotations). Of course this should not be too much when it suffocates the other party and robs him/her of his/her own personal life.

One note to myself: You are loving the person, doesn't mean you own the person (contrary to what the popular statement of: You're mine).

Self - Centredness

Sometimes when I do not do,
It's not that I don't want,
But I know you don't want.

Sometimes when I don't discuss,
It's not that I mind,
But I know that you mind.

Sometimes when I don't say,
It's not that I care,
But I know that you care.

However, mistakes are bound to be made in those judgements. And how do you reconcile those mistakes?
How would you know when to talk about such things without stepping on the other party's toes?

And this post reeks of self-centredness.

Juggling and time

Was talking to a friend, a friend whom I am not really that close yet whom I am somehow willing to talk to about such things.
Just wondering, whether I indeed have time for myself. The same mistakes always occur to me, the overconfidence in the early parts of the academic year, thinking that I am able to juggle many things.
Actually I CAN juggle these things, but the feeling of completing them has dried up. It has become a chore, a duty, rather than that enthusiasm that's firing me.

Maybe I am not that zi-high person I think I was?
Maybe I am someone who doesn't like responsibility?

And then how do I balance between not doing anything and doing something for my future too?

And this also relates to my friendship as well.

At this stage I should be able to take a stock take of the people around me and what's happening around me.

Reviving Relationships

This shall be my resolution:

Every week starting from this week, I shall talk to at least 1 other person on my contact list that I have lost contact with for a year.
Most likely I shall accomplish this via Facebook.

No matter the topic, I shall at least talk to him/her.
I have spent so much effort then to start a relationship, why let it fade away?

Even if the said person does not continue with the chat, or stop contacting me, at least I have done my part!

Striking a conversation

Before I forget...

Was walking alone back home. My house is ensconced in this little enclave of a park which is far yet not too far away from the hustling town centre of Clementi. Drawback for the beautiful scenery that I wake up to (similar to my room in Hall 11) is the need to spend about 10 minutes to walk in from the Nan Hua bus stop - now it is so easy thanks to the newly built road.

And there is this another person, without earphones sharing the same luxury as me of walking the same stretch of road.

And this random thought came to my mind, should I just strike up a conversation with the person?

I thought of the youtube video, about how 2 strangers in a ball pit would just start talking to each other.

And I start to wonder:
Do strangers need to have something in common first just to talk? In the video case they end up in a ball pit together. Will walking on the same road be counted as "something in common"?
Should I wait till the person finish using the phone? What if the person was on earphones (lucky the said person was not), should I even think of striking a conversation?
Should I have to mince my words would I probably sound too cautious? If I am too callous would I turn the person off? 
What topics can be brought up to sustain a good conversation? Would I sound too stalkerish? Or what if I touch taboo topics?

And what if the person is a he? Or a she? Would that change anything?

Something in me just feel like striking up random conversations with strangers. I think it is really fun to just start talking to random strangers about random things, because you can probably say more uninhibited things, and if you don't wish to declare anything you can simply say "it's personal" and the person would not judge you for not trusting him/her.

In the end, I walked back home singing to myself, because she was using the phone all the way.