Food for Thought!

My superiors are really something. In fact, people are really something. The thing with stereotypes is that most of the time, people do not actually fit into stereotypes. Ironical isn't it?
Was speaking to some of my enciks, and he really impressed me with his knowledge of current affairs - or rather if I used the stereotype as a basis of comparison. Apart from the staunch disbelief in the Americans and making sweeping statements, some of his arguments do make sense, and in fact provided fresh perspectives.
He claimed that in order for real reform and unity of a country to happen, you need a "bastard" - his crude form of "a totalitarian dictator" - to be in power. Because "soft" and "nice" people have people climbing all over their heads, and in the end either get assassinated or power overthrown. Take for instance, the Qin Emperor unified China, at the expense of thousands of Chinese which somehow offended him. Stalin unified Russia into a global superpower then with his Communist fury. Genghis Khan unified Mongolia into a force reckoned even with China (he even took over China to form a new dynasty) at the expense of dozens of other clans. Hitler gave Germany's sluggish economy a jumpstart into industralisation during his invasive expansion into other countries and Nazi rule. Even at home, Singapore's old guard laid down a series of controversial policies and acts that swiftly removed power from local clans and potential opposition - something which many until now are ignorant of admist the prosperity and peace we are enjoying now.
Those were alot of examples, valid ones in fact, and examples you cannot ignore. Interesting eh?
Another encik was sharing his experience as a mountaineer - he went to India to undergo a two-month course in mountaineering. He shared his knowledge about how mountaineering can be classified into a "summit" group - people who actually climbs to the summit and plant your flag/take photos on the highest piece of rock in that area - and a "expedition" group - people who provides logistical support at the various base camps lower down the mountain, but still high in terms of sea level. I did not know that several trips were in fact made between base camps due to two reasons; to acclimatize and condition the body and to bring the supplies and equipment up bit by bit. Furthermore, during the actual conquest, it may in fact get dirty - for if you were to "be injured" in any way that made you unable to move off, "most groups" would just abandon you and leave you to fend for themselves. The group would make their ascent without the injured person, and will only "collect" back the injured person if they "happened to meet him" on the way down. Sounds cruel isn't it? But here's the catch. Most groups can only go up at most once a year, and that does not neglect the fact they may be unable to get a chance at all during the window period in the next year. Furthermore, they may lack the sponsorship and funding for Round Two. Hence, once their feet actually step on the mountain base, it was a "do-or-die" attitude already. (But Singaporean teams, since we are people-scarce, will simply cancel their ascent and make their way back home with the injured fella)
Well, this simply popped the question of "Is that climb really so worth a life?" in my head, as I really wonder how much people put into the meaning of their life? Of course many of us would just think, "Better to live another day than die trying". But to really empathise with them would require one to spend years purportedly training, garnering support and promoting for that single month of expedition - that is something 99% of us can't.
So that's some food for thought?

One officer also shared some nice perspective which I overlooked. With reference to the early bookout by some companies, he quipped "I rather book out late and then book in late". To the clueless, companies that book out early (able to get out of camp) will most likely book in early as well - so everyone kind of get "equal a nominal time" in mainland. (Of course we know the "real" value of the time given is different due to travelling time) The officer's reason: You must look at the purpose of this bookout: Hari Raya. Many Muslims would rather book in late so that they would have more time to celebrate their Hari Raya tomorrow rather than book out early to "enjoy earlier" but end up with much lesser time for their Hari Raya. For instance, the late bookouts would reach home at 10pm but end up being able to be present in camp at 8pm next day but the early bookouts would reach home at 7pm but end up having to be present in camp at 5pm the next day! I am sure that extra 3 hours of Hari Raya would be more appreciated than 3 hours of extra sleeptime?
That is really some nice perspective to look at, rather than just be blind to the fact of "get out of camp as fast as possible". His basic principle, "Look at the purpose and achieve the p.,,urpose".
My current army time seems to be providing really interesting anecdotes and stories for me. Mmm...

So how far should we believe in stereotypes? Easy to say no, but how about those bitching that you make, isn't that stereotyping too? Like CQ is slack or JC is slack (with reference to army)?
Some food for thought :)

my body seems to be cracking up these days
after all those exercises which I put myself through - and they are not that strenous in the first place - and I am coming back with injuries, or rather side effects:
My knee are painful when i exert anything on it, especially after a good run - which I did this morning. The run wasn't even fast, it was rather a jog, and that made me surprise since all these while I do not receive any problems until now.
My wrist also experienced some pain near the wristbone, such that whenever I push something with my palm 90 degrees, I will experience a low but sharp acute pain at the bone. I dont know why, maybe due to my usage of computers? But I have been using computers for so long and I do not experience such problem, and I normally will take rests during my usage.
My ankle, well old injury that seems to be coming back again.

Maybe I should stay away from running for the time being. Running is known - actually it is - to be high impact, especially on our knees and ankle. I should go to swimming then.. but once the recruits come, it will be back to running again. Oh well, I hope I can heal up and recover again! Gosh I really miss my old powerhouse body - not that it is very good compared to the pros, but I think its considerably good haha.

Oh well, I hope my body's fine. I don't want it to break down, I cant la. 19 years old? .. zzz

is it my fault for not ensuring? maybe it is right? Maybe I just put too much trust in others, now I have to do dirty work.
so much for planning for my driving test so early in advance... now I need to fight for it back!

So.. now begins my countdown to ORD?

So.. now begins my countdown to ORD? At least 12 more months to go, 1 freaking whole year to spend in this camp at tekong. >.<

There has been alot of complains so far - from the ulu-ness (4k inside?) to the seemingly lack-of facilities to dirty bunks and other places. (sidenote: I have even referred ourselves as being part of the appendix in any directive or structural change in BMT) But over time, our own analysis has kind of turned these grievances to cheers - from being left alone and untouched by main HQ to having found sufficient facilities and being able to adapt our activities to the place (like playing squash or badminton in the afternoon instead of at night) to doing mass clean-ups of our residences. Furthermore, talking with other friends of mine in main camp has also enlightened me to my relatively better and more desirable situation.

This has made me realise 1 thing, or rather deepened the understanding that no matter how much you complain, there would always be someone worst off than you. You can either compare with someone worst off and feel better or compare with someone better off and feel worst.

In fact, I feel that the inherent point is there is no use comparing yourself with anyone else, since it is just mainly a feel-good or feel-bad gesture. If you try to show how deep in shit you are in, you are mainly just trying to "show off" and hence gain people's sympathies. That is not going to change anything at all! That is not going to improve your situation, in fact it makes it worst as you would have told your mind to tell yourself that "I am in shit". The phrase, "When life gives you lemons you make lemonade" really plays it out now. Of course, "When life puts you in ulu-ness you enjoy the surreal peace here".

Anyway, that aside, I have a full one year ahead of me. My parents have been pestering me to do stuff and not idle away my life. Well, I replied, "I do have plans". And as I predicted, "You are not showing anything" was their reply. Well, I do have plans. But I just feel like taking it one step at a time.

1) Get my driving license

2) Learn guitar - like from basics. I don't even have a single slight music ability.

3) Read up a bit on A-Level physics

4) Give tuition (to earn extra income)

5) Pursue my higher education wishes

6) Strengthen my physical abilities

7) Possibly pick up new sports like squash or continue with my badminton. Basketball is a must though :)

8) Read more books

I don't know, its my way to do it one at a time. At least I want to finish my driving license first. I want to do it in one clean shot, finish it and not having to think about passing the test again.

Is this debate in fact about our changes in thinking? My parents want to see something. I promise I will do it.  They don't see it today. They won't see it tomorrow. Then next week they will see me again and ask again. I tell them construction in progress. They harp again. Ok I shall not use the word "harp", but rather "remind". Maybe I should be doing stuff now? Maybe not, I just can't get my mind of my driving. Confident I may be, but I am also equally worried. Oh well...

Anyway, changes are inevitable, and there are changes to my life already.
Our weekly meet-ups will be more infrequent and un-predictable as tuition has ended. Furthermore, my perm-staff status in NS and her increasing (never-ending) workload will definitely throw a spanner to the works of our relationship.
In addition, I will be meeting new people and will possibly be seeing less of my NS mates whom I have spent a good 6 months with already - and have found a good bond with some.

I am also now placed in the commander's position, and with power comes great responsibility - literally. From basic discipline of the recruits to training them with the right skills to handling tough medical and psychological cases of the recruits. Even though it could sound as easy as to just refer the recruit to the appropriate higher authority, it will require some skill and experience to be able to discover and pry open such secrets and information that others might find undesirable to be shared.

Oh well, changes are undesirable in the sense they disrupt our sense of comfort in predictability. When we know what lies ahead we will feel safe. With a foggy horizon we will lack even a sense of direction and that immediately propel us in fear - that's natural human instinct anyway.  But then, with humans being humans equipped with the power of creativity and the mind, one have to translate this fear into a form of curiousity - which is a positive feeling. And yes, to the sense, hones our adaptability. I won't deny that I did complain and whine about such changes, but I know that I will use this to analyse myself better, to understand what is inside me. Whether I can in fact command recruits, earn their respect and also, interact with other people - literally. I really can't wait to get my first batch of standard BMT - not trying to put them down but rather one must concede that they have other forms of thinking and perspective? So yes.. can't wait!

So yes, this is alot of writing. I just decided to sit down and blog. alot. Well, it has been a blog drought and deciding to just stop playing some games - ok I did played some games which interrupted this posting - to do something other than gaming. At least blogging enables me to put down what is on my mind these few days. >.<

Yes.

Thanks for reading :)

there is more than it meets the eye

the quote "never judge a book by its cover" comes pretty true - at least at Rocky Hill Camp.
Initially, we entered the place with much disgust at its utter ulu-ness and rural-ity. But now we have pretty much settled in this place :) You just need a bit of adventure and exploring, and you will be able to at least find some tiny jewels here and there!

Haha... so yep. I can't wait for my recruits to come. Alot of questions are waiting in my head to be answered...

Starlight

Not the song from Muse, neither is it 星亮 in Chinese.
It is 星光 in Chinese, and it is not as pretty as what you admire in the midnight skies.

It represented the last hurdle of my training, the toughest training we would ever have for the past 6 months.

It is an open secret, but I am still not supposed to be saying what I am going to say, so I have to keep mum about it. =/
It has been tiring weeks away from the creature comforts - or whatever make do we can - that reside in our sheltered nests at home. Firstly, you are literally cut off from the world. Be it being set back by 21 episodes of 爱, or not knowing that NSFs are given some $$ to their Medisave, or not knowing that it is Mooncake Festival coming soon. Secondly, you only care about one weather which in the end - I don't know whether to say it was a pity or a blessing - did not arrive. (I have this sadistical yet innocent like a child's curiousity to have a first hand experience at some natural disasters, well you won't get that in Singapore won't you?) Thirdly, you have hardly a proper day's rest between each of the sub-exercises. Worst still, the going gets tougher. Lastly, you have great sadistical enjoyment soaking in the screwed up weather - where it gets scorching hot and dry in the morning and cold, windy and wet in the afternoon + offering ur body and blood to the 101 insects (now the phrase "流血汗" has a new meaning)

But there were some lessons I learnt:
1. Your body is tougher than you think it is. Despite the unruly weather, most of us got away without falling ill - in fact bodily injury was more common than sickness.
2. When the going gets tough, it is a battle between your will and despair - and you are not alone.
3. Take care of yourself first, because if you don't no one else will take care of you in the end. Of course I am not saying to be selfish, but don't do silly things like bring lesser underwear.
4. Sometimes you need to be flexible, and at the same time having contigency plans to cover your own ass if need be.
5. Empty vessels make the most noise.

Up for you how you comprehend the 5 statements - there are the good, bad and ugly. Especially with the experienced talking alot of things but not moving.


When it came to R&R, that was the fun part - or rather not so fun. I tried most of the food that I set out to try: 臭豆腐 (smelly toufu), 鸡排 (chicken cutlet), oyster meesua, 牛肉面 (beef noodles) and  奶茶 (milk tea). Well some of the food already exist in Singapore - commonly sold by Shilin Street Snacks and other drink stations - but I wanted to taste for myself the original! And what a blast it was! Haha now I taste Singapore 奶茶 with a pinch of .. salt? heh
too bad Tsai said the smelly toufu not smelly hence not authentic enough - I agree though. I thought it would be some interesting taste but it ended up just like another piece of toufu that seemed to have grown lots of holes.

I also think my chilli tolerance has possibly increased? Good news for many I hope - but still I won't willingly take chilli. I think chilli robs the natural taste of the food la, and leaves the tingly sensation on ur tongue >.<

Anyway, most of taiwan's chinese is in traditional form, hence hindering my attempts to comprehend them with my already broken Chinese language rawr! But then I managed to help Syamil converse with the locals now and then, way to go Kevin! :) I think my Chinese might have also improved heh.

I bought a nice short sleeve shirt for myself at 伍份. I think its like one of my maiden spending on myself? Well it was nice and I felt I looked good inside and since I am on R&R and since I am already 19 and since I have no nice clothes so why not just get 1 shirt? Besides we bargained and it was for a neat below SG$25!

I think my most fun trip was to Shilin la. The food there, actually the night market resembled our own hawker centre - where all the shops almost sell the same thing and first-time travellers can only discern the good and bad by the number of customers (my standard way of finding which is better) eating. Well isn't that skill similiar to queueing up at the longest queue in Singapore? Also I went to ride a mechanical bull - waiting for Syamil to upload it heh. wa got tossed around like mad, especially with a first-timer like me who don't even know what to expect. But it was maddening good fun, and a 3-day leg ache at the thighs.

overall, maybe cuz i am Chinese hence I did not really get a culture shock when I entered Taiwan. But one culture difference that is quite distinct is that Taiwanese generally dont let you try their clothes (applicable to road-side shops la) on, only allow you to compare to ur body but not physically put it on.

the R&R was indeed a good holiday, a good 3-day reward for our 17 day chiong-suaing :)

gosh.. wasted $68.48

argh...

catching up

catching up.. is really something that fuel's a human need: social interaction.
also, it is really nice (like .. nice) to talk to good old friends, especially with relationships that have lasted years.
yes..
so good!

YOG

watching the YOG opening ceremony now.
I can't say I am impressed, because I am not really impressed. Yes we are praised for our logistical genius and I can concede with that, but for our creativity, there is still much room for improvement.

But something more compelling which drove me to comment is the country presentation. Basically the last part - the most important part - is the showcase of all the participating countries. I know it is difficult to coordinate with hundreds of athletes, but this segment should be almost picture perfect. It is atrocious to see youths walking around with their flag trying to find their respective placard with their country's name. Why can't they pause to let the athlete wave their flag for a while, to take in the audience, before walking away to form up at their positions? It is disrespectful to the flag, and doesn't mean they are youths the importance and solemnity of the flag should be undermined.  To quote a sgt, fast is slow, and slow is fast. Why bother walking so fast when the flagbearer cannot catch up, hence making it quite disorganised.

However, I must say it was quite an eye-opener. In some ways I felt that the YOG had more emphasis than the NDP, in terms of the more elaborate costumes and performance. What is more satisfying is the filled up seats of not Singaporeans but rather people from 205 countries. Also I like the fact that youths from different countries were roped in for the performances, which (my vocab is failing) demonstrates the spirit of YOG. Also, I like the water-ed part of the platform, adds quite nice effects and enhances the visual feast.

Personally, I did not understand some of the performance in the YOG, especially why the involvement of so many little children in the performances. Ok I agree that some children can be involved to add some "young blood", but then this is a YOG not a COG? =/ maybe I am just being too particular.

The last part, especially the official torch lighting segment, was dramatic and hence exciting. I liked the super lit boat, and the running down of the torch bearer, and of course it was a good choice to give Darren, since he has been two time champion and hence "worthy" of it :)

In general, I am quite proud that Singapore managed to get the hosting rights for this inaugural YOG. it will seriously put Singapore on the world map, and it is one big advertising feature to youths - the future spenders and leaders. Also we get to know quite a number of less-known countries too - well we were one before weren't we?

NDP

watching NDP with my parents now
must say this year's one is quite big, and destructive - millions of grass of the Padang kena trampled on

I do not quite like the new song, well its an attempt to be "relevant" and hence such a modern song, but hey sorry I still settle for the old catchy "Count on me Singapore", "Stand up for Singapore" and "Home" songs, those are more closer to my heart, maybe because they were taught to me in Primary School? Haha.
But anyway, with my entry into NS I now understand abit more of the parade proceedings, including the Malay commands and the parade proceedings. I could also show off my knowledge to my parents on the various weaponry system that the Army has =)

Looking at the various performers, sometimes I wish I could also participate in one parade, like being on stage or backstage. Or maybe part of the videos that they show. Somehow every year they supposedly get hundreds of people but I am not chosen? Why ah? I have heard about how tough the various rehearsals are, but then what things aren't tough? My POP parade from BMT was also pretty tough but at the end of it the satisfaction is still fulfilling! .. mmm

Anyway, regarding this year's theme about Dreams, Father posed me that question. Personally, my current dream is mainly to have a great healthy family with us having enough to be contented. No need lavish, but just enough to live happily, and possibly afford some holidays now and then. But then my short term dream, I still really don't know - you can tell from my current inaction. Maybe I have yet to mature, maybe I have yet to grow up? I hope my 2 years in NS can show me the light.
Then what is your dream?

updates!

wow, its been almost a month since I last blogged. I am sure some people would have missed me greatly :)
many things have happened in this short span of time
like for instance my intelligence has dropped (ok I have been musing about this, but it has really happened - ask my friends)
I have also finished all but one key event for my SGT training - including the uber Grandslam and 32km CSB march. I tell you, one have no slightest idea how the heck one could even walk that 32km with the 15kg load on your body. It was really a mind over body challenge, where at the first 4km you were so shag you could tell yourself to give up, but somehow you made it to see the day (cuz we marched from 2000 to 0300)
I hope that my training in ROC would be the same, shag but I will somehow pull it through - well many have done it already what - and then rightfully earn my SGT rank and my pay increase :D
And with the pay increase, it will be when my amount spent < amount earned = savings! :D

anyway watching Ai now, wahaha. yes its an auntie show but practically my whole family (ok its only 3 people to begin with) is watching it and this is probably one of the rare times i watched the Sunday episode in full - cuz I have to book in by 2130 on sunday most of the time? <3 long weekend breaks!
and ya I listened to the national day speech and of cuz this is a happy national day cuz I have a long weekend break? Thanks SAF :) i think i deserved it =/

and ya, where did lai jialing go! oh man why are the pretty girls so stupid? for jialing, its like duh ur husband is an asshole and such a loser why do you still bother sticking with him? must be stupidity is proportionate to her prettiness sia. (I think shuhua also nt too bad, and she's pretty dumb too)
ok ai is pretty much a show that can go on and on, I think its like a show that dictate the lives of a few families for pretty much past few years lol. always got new plots, and mainly cuz of the stupid people. zzz

anyway, it has been .. 6 months into army life already. you are learning quite alot, in terms of perspectives. sometimes you wish you could believe certain people, but then there will always be this so called 'practical', 'self-centred' nature that will always be the devil advocate, making you turn a deaf ear against them. and also, you have to learn to "defend" yourself sometimes, cuz there's something called limits (in chiem terms - donor fatigue)
and also, it has also been 6 months since army came between us. glad we have some backdoor access now and then :) wheee, hope it can be maintained this way, and I hope you do not feel any less neglected by me, for it is sometimes Hobson's choice la :P.. remember its still a test eh?

so ya, been idling around alot. I need to get back to work regarding my tertiary education. there have to be that spark in me, but where is it?

just read an article by Lee Wei Ling on her musing about why genuine giving is just so difficult. coincidentally, her thoughts seem to be in common with mine too - on why special feats and events must be carried out (like a disabled fella travelling hundreds of kilometres) in order for money to be raised.
similarly in Singapore, money have to be spent on celebrity appearances, organising charity shows and getting stuntmen perform heart-stopping feats in order to get more money in.
and there are also similar examples which I have witnessed around me in camp; people will only budge if there is a huge incentive/consequence tied to it.

well, it seems that the idea of genuine giving is highly impractical and only exists in an utopian world. ok, let me change it; it is, not it seems. there are good people around who willingly give - in a form of effort, sweat and time - but there are more "bad" people than good around.

actually, after typing so long I still don't know what I want to drive at. I do hope that there will be more people who actively volunteer and give for the betterment of others, but obviously there are people who don't. I will love to hate them, but they are with me for now, and hence I just suck thumb.
I am not asking for super uber chiong-sua people, but people who have consideration and just clear the rubbish, sweep the floor or arrange the bunk whenever they can instead of constantly going up bunk and sleep at the slightest moment.

FINALLY I CAN PLAY BASKETBALL :D

what do I actually want for my career?
what are my aspirations?

where has that spark and fire in me disappeared?

ok, back to army
it will indeed be a gruelling 13 weeks of training, but I will persevere and continue on!
Well, I am already having a mini trial into how much pain I can really endure - had a rope burn (not so severe, but the blisters have the skin peeled off) whilst climbing some rope. get into a shower, or wash your hands, and you will be in a jolly good time trying to resist the thousands of red guard ants biting your fingers, or the sharp, burning sensation in your fingertips - till the point I actually wince. After that, it is the inconvenience of being left with 3 fingers (not like the last finger is of much use in fact), especially in tying laces!
also, it was a decision to whether to continue running or just giving up and walk back, since i definitely failed by timing - in the end it was purely a battle between mind and body, as what I discovered. Pushing yourself, and not pushing yourself, just for the sake of training your body up. Furthermore, it is also the fine line between pushing yourself enough, or not enough.

for once, i really discovered and realised first hand, the meaning of determination.
but then again, when will there be too much determination that it results in over-exertion? maybe I should try it out too!


so thinking of it in the big picture, there will be inconveniences and pain (suffering) to come. but it is a matter of gritting your teeth, thinking of it in a different light, and going through it.

at the end of it all, when you look back, you can look back with a smile, and with a whole lot of experience and that satisfying "I have done it"

so I must say that my quest for higher education and scholarships shall end for now.. ok take a break at least.
I realised it has been quite mentally strenuous, trying to think through the various questions, how to answer them, how to select universities and whether I have looked far and hard enough.
I shall take a breather, before I start applying to universities and scholarships again, and the round repeats.

However, i do hope that I need not restart the cycle again, that would probably make me one of the rare few amongst my friends having to apply next year for another shot - many have already obtained what they wanted/what they needed/what they could have already...

just had an interesting "happy hour" yesterday at Chevrons
for starters, this is basically an R&R day for Hotel company together, and it was held at some club at Chevrons (didn't really fit into my impression of a nightclub though... most probably its one of the many failed attempts to emulate private facilities)
this is probably the closest I get to clubbing to date (but nvm I will be experiencing the real one myself one day), and personally I am not the type I must say. But I did enjoy some segments, when the atmosphere got quite high.
and yes, first time I actually voluntarily downed 1 cup of beer (it was meant to be a mug, but well scammed) and honestly it isn't really quite my cup of tea.. but somehow it felt quite good (and mature?) to be just take that beer and drink it slowly, and act like I am talking business when in fact we are just gossiping or crapping

then again, those nostalgic moments just returned to me when we were watching a specially-prepped video of us from our dear lecture-rm-i/c who was basically the under-appreciated star. then it just struck me that time has really flew under our skin, and I didn't know I have done quite a lot for the past 6 weeks. well I must have been cursing and swearing under my breath, wondering what the heck I was doing then. the process repeated several times, but now I am sitting on this chair and recalling those hard times..

I like what the OC said, "It is not about the number of IPPT golds, its about making sure everyone can get IPPT silver and no one shall RT". Be it for any other negative reasons you might think of, this very statement symbolises the spirit of teamwork, where the timing for the race shall only be stopped when the last man crosses the finishing line.
Furthermore, what 2IC said also struck me. "If at the end of these 8 weeks you still do not understand what we are trying to teach you, then we have failed and you have wasted your 2 years. If you think you are wasting your 2 years, your 2 years will really be wasted. You can spend your 2 years here, and learn alot of things, things that you might need to pay for once you are out of the army. Guys, sometimes, touch my heart, look at yourself and your behaviour."

I realised I have learnt pretty much so far into my 3 months. Other than military knowledge and technical skills, I have observed different perspectives and personalities. The bitching involved, the chiong-sua ing involved, the lepak-ing (relax) involved and bla bla bla. (Something tells me I have blogged about this before, but nvm) Furthermore, I have realised how fortunate I really am, like how I should in fact treasure my times in the bunk. Its really all in the mind, everything that you do, that will make your life easier, happier and better. Also, I have faced pretty much failures (if you will call them), and yep braced myself against them. There will always be another day to train, another day to try again, and if you can't try again, there will always be an alternative. :)
In addition, I have to learn to manage my time. Like 2 days per week I have to learn to manage the things I do, and justify to myself why I like to spend it this way. There are several commitments I have undertaken, and hence I have to see through them.

so yes.. 1 year and a half more? I shall be ready, and we shall see.

epic field camp

just got back (ok it was 2 days ago) from field camp, feeling more shagged out as compared to the BMT 5-day field camp for some reason.
maybe this field camp in SISPEC was much tougher than BMT one? to think back, I have definitely less sleep, more tiring exercises and complete with a route march not before but after! rawr. to top it up, our feet were practically soaked in water for >24 hrs, and to quote gordon: our feet looks like "a brain".

but then again, thinking back it has been quite a fun time in there. as what I have previously mused about, this is something I will never get to do in the future - as long as I do not join the army. furthermore, getting right down and dirty and with nature is something only kids will do without any hesitation

Army has mostly been deemed as a time-waster, brain-rotting experience, where you mainly follow orders rather than think. I beg to differ. In army, you have to think to make your own life better in the army. Be it trying to smuggle in food to feed your hungry stomach (oops) or learning how to filter some instructions, you need to rack your own brains. Of course, you might think I am trying to chao keng (slack), but well this indeed makes my army life more fun and illustrious :) furthermore, you get to meet really different people, people not from your own schools but from everywhere else. you get to know of other perspectives/personalities in lives - the highly pragmatic, the obedient and the gung-ho (hero), and you learn to appreciate them. this also makes you more aware of which personality you belong to.

of course, you would have been 2 years later than your peers, but what is 2 yrs compared to your lifetime. If you truly know what you want to do in life, I am sure this is not a setback, but rather an opportunity to develop yourself, spend time to refine your ideas, know your personality, get some contacts and grow physically.

not meant for me

maybe it just wasn't meant for me
even though how much I feel in tune with it, someone else felt that I wasn't up to the cut
I shall take this as an indication of my possibly inept interviewing skills, or the fact that I am not suited for Medicine

just like what weisin questioned, "I am surprised you weren't so devastated. Your entire life has been working towards it, no?"
I feel that my reactions are usually muted. That's my trait I think, I don't really tend to show my emotions of disappointment and anger, maybe some form of happiness I will light up like the sun but when it comes to the negatives I will show a poker face - even those grateful and deep form of happiness, especially when you know someone has put in so much effort for your sake.
Yes I am indeed very disappointed, I just felt so damned certain I could get in, I could feel that passion inside me burning.

Or maybe I aren't that passionate after all? Look what I have done and compare with the rest, anything to do with medicine? But then again, does that mean I am any significantly less passionate than those who do so?

anyway, this means the path has been blocked to me.
so as human beings, we need to find an alternative path then.

wheee!

lol i didn't know it was actually my birthday till I woke up and quizzically saw a number of smses on my handphone in the morning
quite loser eh, this is how the army has kind of made me lose myself?

anyway, thanks to those who smsed me :)
namely in no order, weisin, pearlyn, baihui, ziyan, stephanie, den, yeeyee, qiaowei, charles, trixie, my aunt susan, chin ying and serena! hehe
and also to those who wished me on facebook
i loved those custom messages, made me felt good for that day =)

thanks !!! and I wonder what I will be doing tmr


(oh btw I just realised that bukit timah shopping centre now has Subway? wow..)

argh!

grah! lost my extra SIM card, lost $5
no news from my scholarship applications
no news from medicine

argh!!! and i am booking back in D:

random banter 2218hrs

The next phase of my NS life is about to begin.. in 2 days.
Well I didn't get what I wanted, but its alright to settle for something else too! Besides, experience is what you get when you don't get what you wanted :) Haha, inspirational quote eh?
Anyway, another part of me wish for my Leopard legacy to continue, heh. Lazy bones, but oh well. Ok la, I shall try and vie for OCS by being top 10% eh. Ho ho ho!
If I am not wrong, this is going to be the last break till ORD? Or is there another "posting" once we finish our SISPEC course? mmm. I hope so, I so love this entire week. Civilian life never seemed so good before.


My medicine application has concluded. And this experience somewhat seemed to be dejavu. Its like our examinations. All the preparation, stress build up to astronomical heights.. then once its over, the stress levels just plunge back to naught. All I can do now is wait, and pray. Wish that I can get in. 


My life has changed in these few months. There have been changes in the family. There have been changes with my friends. There have been changes with my relationships. My current life has turned for the better or worse? I do not know. Maybe long run good, but currently its pretty bad. I need to buck up. Become more mature? That I really don't know. Become more responsible. And not be a source of stress. My parents don't need anymore.


But, I shall not call this a predicament. I shall call this self-growth and maturation. I will be 19 this year, not 20. The changing of that "8" to a "9" should come with the necessary changes in me. (lol i screwed up)


cheers!

Medicine Interview

So for 1 hour I was grilled and questioned in probably my first proper interview in my whole life.  For starters, I was in Team A, and I was the last person for the day. It could help, possibly by having a greater impression of me, since I was between them and their much-awaited dinner?


Generally, I won't say I did well. But I was pretty impressed at myself when answering certain questions. Of course I am stressed up over how much stuttering and pauses I inadvertently did due to my hesitation - well at least it shows that I take the effort to think through and ruminate my thoughts?


This marks the end of my quest for NUS Medicine. I sincerely hoped I made an impact on my interviewers, because that is what will make me the 1 in 3 rather than the 2 in 3. Gosh! This is really really very stressful. Not that I need to worry now, but can you imagine your week's worth of preparation all boils down to this 1 hour. Its literally a sales pitch - which I sucked at real bad. Please... let me get in!


I was damn anxious la before the interview. Like my legs and my hands would spontaneously tremble *shiver shiver* without me realising it. It was pretty scary. But kudos to my mp3, which was on ever since I left my house. Really calmed me down. I think my fear and anxiety was due to my innate inability in speaking? Well if you have read my previous post, and if you know me as a person you would understand.


Memorable moments
1. So why should we pick you and not others to be a doctor?
The run-of-the-mill yet most challenging question. Furthermore this has to be my entry question? In fact I do not really have an absolutely-can-convince-even-myself answer. But since it is asked anyway, here goes.
First I talked about what is to be a doctor. Then I went to emphasise or brag on key qualities which I think should be noted. Should be fine then.


2. How do you face uncertainties?
Quite an interesting question, since I was talking about my research background. You won't really expect this eh? And obviously I didn't prepare for this. So I talked about how experience is something which I can gain, and its not too bad gaining experience. Furthermore I showed them how we can look at two sides of a coin, for instance failure to prove a thesis right can possibly mean that the thesis is wrong/incorrect in the first place! Overall I was pretty happy with my answer, but on the bus I thought of something else which would be nicer and crispier. 


3. What is your weakness?
A really standard question that is universal to any interview, yet also a tough one. My answer was also pretty tricky, because the weakness that I wanted to talk about is directly related to my interview - which is me being imprecise. (I added that due to this my GP got B and they grinned =/) Of course I added that I am trying to improve it, but speaking shorter sentences and stuff. Sad thing is I think I kind of rambled alot and repeated myself during the interview, which clearly demonstrates my weakness?


4. If your male colleague, who is your best friend, is found to have placed a camera in the female toilet, and whose licence has been revoked by the SMC, is now trying to get you to co-sign an appeal to the SMC to get back his licence, what will you do? Your colleague is well respected and well-liked by his colleagues.
I feared this the most. Well, I thought I was prepared for it, since I have read up on guidelines and even the SMC's ethical code! (Well why did I forget about the code during the interview!!! :( ) Seriously, it was this time when I suddenly felt damn heavy headed, like want to fall off the chair like that. Serious! If I could I would asked them to let me stand up and walk around the room but I think it would be negative towards me. RAWR!
Furthermore, my father thinks I should have clarified with the person on some scenario and made a cliffhanger answer. The question was not asked in 1 shot, but rather progressive. I too lazy to type them out so I combined them into that question. 
I said No. Because he has breached the colleague-colleague relationship, which is very vital in healthcare since its heavily based on teamwork. Then I kept harping on it. I hope I was rather convincing - well it sounded partially to me. *keeps fingers crossed*


5. I give you 2 minutes to do a sales pitch.
OMGAWD! WTH! GG BBQ! I thought I just spent the last 50 minutes doing sales pitches? And now this. Ok the final stand. Let's go! Maybe this would be interesting? Talk talk talk, talk talk talk. I was so engrossed. They seemed engrossed.. well seemed. Then suddenly, looks at watch. *HORROR* its like.. 5 minutes. Somemore I action go show them I time myself... then what the shit?! Omg. Damn 丢脸 you know? I just hope he wont really bear any grudge on it. GRRR! 


Well those 5 were the more memorable ones, at least the most memorable ones. overall I think I had some fun answering them, it was mentally challenging though.


Here are other not-so-interesting questions:
1. What do you think make a good doctor?
2. Describe 2 current healthcare issues.
3. Since you have done so much in research, why not be a scientist instead?
4. Which field of Medicine have you thought about?
5. Why Pediatrics?
6. Have you gone for any medical attachments?
7. What do you think a doctor's life is like?
8. So why do you personally want to be a doctor?
9. When you were a leader, describe a moment when there was 1 member who is uncooperative, and show how you handled the situation.
10. Have you had any leadership opportunities, if so when and what did you learn from it?
11. Were you angry at anyone before?
12. How did you handle your out-burst?
13. Have anyone betrayed you before? I said no. mmm I must be well liked :)
14. How was your previous interview?


Mainly these la. Time really fly damn fast I tell you. 


Anyway, here are some pointers
1. DO NOT attempt to lie. Unless you are really experienced, lying can only make you more nervous. In fact, telling the truth is much easier, and they will understand it. 
2. Make sure you answered the question as precisely as possible. Ramble and you will find yourself beating about the bush and forgetting what the question is, making the situation worst. Because the interview will just ask if you finished or not finished with your answer.
3. Use your own real-life experiences will help greatly in making yourself credible.
4. Stuttering is ok. Just not excess. Make sure you think through before every question, so to make your answer more smooth.
5. Don't panic.
6. Drink enough water. My throat was so damn dry I tell you.


So basically.. this is it! My review! :)
Thanks to all the other helpful sources that guided me to this interview!

tomorrow's my interview, and I think I am freaking not prepared for this.
tried doing a mock interview, but words keep getting stuck on my head.


my father's right: 
I have always been the do-er, not the leader.
neither am I the kind who can speak.
and neither am I the one who has the burning passion to do things.


anyone wish to prove my father wrong?


who am I?
what am I?
Am I really deserving of such a prestigious job, when I have been slacking, when there are areas which I should have and could have done?


I really don't know.
This just seems to make all my nights not worth it.
What I have thought about myself, is all wrong.
I am literally speechless.


How to pass the interview like that?


I have never felt so doubtful, anxious, afraid before. I can face the examinations with full-fledged confidence, face my juniors with ease... but this. My mind weakens and my heart seems to crumble with every question shot at me.








I need it. Badly.

Wow, A levels gone and I already POPed. In 3 days time I will know which unit I am posted to.
This whole week was and will be both fun yet gruelling. C'mon a few more days till re-enlistment? rawr. I hope I get into OCS :)


And tomorrow's my Medicine interview. Gosh I have been waiting for this day. Not say very prepared, but I am not totally unprepared either. I just hope my stuttering don't portray me as someone who is cowardly or blur, maybe its just me. I will also have to do something about my trembling leg =/
someone help me get through this.


"Brick walls are there for a reason. They let us prove how badly we want things" - Randy Pausch


I so believe in this quote.

So fast and I am POP-ing in 5 days times?
Wow 2 months just literally flew past! I am sure many of you have experienced the same way. Like when I told someone I POP-ing next week she went WHAT? So fast?


true enough, its already April. Can still remember the flurry of activity in February when the A level results were released. How about that overwhelming  liberty when it hit 1st January 2010 and you realised your A levels are gone?


Soon enough, it'll be May, then June, then July... oh gosh. Life's really really fast.
Are we prepared for what's coming?

so the dust has finally settled, all the key events have been completed, save for SOC (Standard Obstacle Course)

This results in us all being kinda lepak these few days.

Well I am now typing in the dark, thanks to my computer experience that is allowing me for a rather fluent typing speed. Quite impressed since I have not done such things for 3 years?

Army has so far been eye-opening, tiring, stressful yet blissful. So many events have happened, and as what the Company Officer in charge said, "fast and furious batch". Can you imagine 2 months have already passed in such a jiffy. Just last week we were complaining and moaning about the endless rain spells, toiling and (for some of us) leopard crawling in the mud. And now we are here doing nothing but cheer for games day, and having able to sleep at a much earlier time than normal.

 

You realise the immense importance of being able to either sing or shout loud. Singing helps in road marches alot, it really lifts off your pain and burden psychologically. Furthermore, many people evidently can't sing in the army, so you will stand out! Singing also requires no instrument other than your mouth, and hence you can just sing when you are bored waiting due to some sgt's mistake or some screw-ups in scheduling.

 

Army has been eye-opening as you are now exposed to a regimental lifestyle. I think I covered this before in my previous blog posts, so yep. However, in order to make your life better, its sometimes good to talk to your sgts about things in life? Most of time they are just only a few years older than you, and hence there can be some common topic of interests - i.e. football. You will realise many of them are willing to talk cock with you, and share their own life experiences with you. It is only during the serious parts - i.e. marching from place to place - where their black faces will appear, and when gossip starts to revolve around the sgts. So in fact my life in BMT is considerably much better than what I expected. Maybe its my luck I got into Leopard?

 

Army also makes you cherish your things better. For instance, we didn't know we loved our bunk so much until we got into field camp. We did not know how cookhouse food could taste so good untill we ate combat rations. And to think that we have been lamenting about how dusty our bunk was or how dismal the taste of the cookhouse food for the first few weeks before field camp?

I know you might just pass it off as a "aiya this happens all the time", but this makes me wonder: will we learn this lesson and apply it to our normal lives? Cherish your friends, cherish your family, cherish your health, cherish your time. This is a good piece of wisdom commonly neglected or shaken off.

 

=====================================

 

anyway, alot of events have happened in my life now. the mad rush for applications - the near breaking down from the pressure and my seemingly low-confidence in myself. the completion of field camp, SITEST as well as IPPT (where I amazed myself by getting my first 5 points in sit-up). some of my closest friends have at least found some directions in their life. changes to the family.

now I am just ignoring everything else and tasting the sweet peaceful air around me - everyone's asleep while I am typing this. It has been quite some time since I last stoned, staring into space and watching the clouds go by. I realise such opportunities are indeed hard to come by in  our hurried world, but they are essential in keeping your sanity in check, allowing you to breath and enabling you to [completely] rest. and Army provides alot of that. I really enjoy being alone, staring at Changi Airport and seeing planes enter and leave, minus the emo part about "I wish I was in that plane".

 

Army has kind of become a solace for me. I can come in and be immersed in a different life. Its like going on a holiday to another planet where your worries are left at mainland. Of course I still have my worries, but at least they are shifted to the back of my head. I am totally distracted once I enter tekong, and I am really really thankful for this. imagine going home, and having to listen to the same old reports from my parents, think through which uni to apply and stuff.

 

no, I am not going to sign on though. Army will just be a point in time through my life. It will be an experience that will remain in my life.

Ok, this is quite retarded. As what I normally tell my friends: "You have only been through less than 20 yrs of your life and you are saying life sucks when you have at least 40 more years to go?", I have only gone through 2 months out of the 1 year 10 months of Army. Maybe I am talking too early.

 

Ok change Army to BMT then :)

army daze 2

I am booking in in like 5 hrs time, and since I am essentially aimless now, I shall continue my blogging.
So its been 2 weeks in BMT, and life's still going on great.

I remembered the hair shaving event being rather uneventful? It was supposed to be symbolic in making all recruits of "equal standing" since everyone will look the same. It is also supposed to keep up with the regimental style of the army - at least it is what I view about hair shaving. However, when I sat there, paid $2 (very economical for the volume of hair shaved you know) and saw clumps of black strands dropping down, I just thought to myself: "Well this is it?" I think what struck me more is the glaring blankness and the sudden drop in pressure on my head rather than the symbolic meanings that should follow this "rite". But yea, for once you will appreciate hair alot - not of their aesthetic value but rather for their ability to shelter your head from the sun and heat? First time I see in the army ppl get sunburn on their head - you guess, they became red heads :P

Anyway the good thing about army is its tremendous ability to keep you occupied 24/7. No need to fear about being out of job, no need to think about grades, no need to worry about having the spend money, no need to ponder over the night's activities (after work), and hence no need to emo. Even if one had a girlfriend to worry about, there's the nightly routine of calling her after lights out, so it shouldn't be of paramount concern. Really, you just live your life day by day, book out, slack, book in, pumping, book out, slack, book in, training. It is a cycle, vicious or not you decide. Its like the Chinese saying: 得过且过
This is really akin to us being in school. Many at times we grumble mumble about the drudgery of school, but once school ended all of us are plunged from no time to too much time - we do not know what to do with our own time? Ok, by now most of normal us, if not all, would have found a job and hence our lives have shifted to a work-life routine - apart from those sick scholars who are now overseas and studying imba shit, but still at the bottom of our hearts we know this life won't be one we will want to take on eventually, and there again the planning has to start once more. Grah why won't our lives be laid out before us?

tata, my brain's exhausted. GG my mental capabilities are shutting down. Oh noes.

army daze

So yep, booking in tomorrow at 1315hrs, after 3 days of "holiday" after 1 week of BMT in tekong.
It seems kind of surreal and dreamy. Sometimes I keep thinking to myself, am I in a dream - I am suddenly whisked away into this offshore island to go through this 8 weeks everyone else call BMT. I am experiencing what my seniors, great seniors, parents, elders have been talking about. That feeling that you are going to be stuck here for the next 8 weeks is no joke, it just feels that "Wow, I am already here?", just as you were still thinking you had nothing else to do after A levels other than going on temp jobs and waiting for results.
I think this same feeling will arise once we enter university / get scholarship / get married (yes). Its that feeling that you are entering your next stage in life, where you shed ur skin as a student and show ur next skin layer as a soldier / undergrad / spouse. When you have free time and the dust has settled, just sit back and think back. Ponder over the preparations you have made for this moment, you will just be astounded at how much (or little) you have prepared, and how fast (or slow) time has passed. That feeling is kinda indescribable.


Ok, discount all those deep thoughts, lets talk about the tangibles.
NS has been rather busier and PTer (physical training) than normal life. And guess what, you are no longer a "civilian", but rather a "soldier". They dont call ur normal clothes "casual clothes", but rather "civilian clothes". And you are subjected to military law, and only be caught by the military police. Kinda cool eh, you are a bit different from ur parents and ur non-enlisted friends! Oh and your "IC" is not called "IC" but rather its called "11-B".. lol?
and NS, is about bunk life. its about regimentation, where some things that are seemingly dumb/stupid/non-practical are still enforced, but at rather reasonable reasons once you look from another perspective. For instance, you have several sections in ur cupboard where you have to arrange ur display sets in a specific order, and this can be frustrating cuz you use up so much valuable space for just putting toothbrush, toothpaste, shaver and whatnot at 5 cm distance between each other. However, the logic is that in the dark you will know where is what and hence easier to take =)
Actually I can't really say much about NS yet, since I am still undergoing the "adjustment week", the euphemism for "confinement week" - which we were kindly told by our superiors not to use when telling others. Haha.
This week was mainly alot of basic military lessons such as first aid, intro to the SAR21 gun (omgosh), PT (types of PT, including warmups .. which even have drills), drills and other military stuff. So yea, it was alot of time-wasting and waiting, till the point we got too bored of waiting and it was annoying rather than welcomed.
But other than that, my superiors are generally nice and talk alot of cock. Seriously, if I have time I would tell all the crap that spill out of their mouth. Its like the first time in my life no one would ever sleep during lecture because it was just darn funny. However, most of the crap are a bit obscene too la >.<, but well harmless fun I must say. For instance, when he was talking to us about not smoking in our uniform during our bookout day, he told us of some locations - like the bushes, because technically your uniform should be good enough to camouflage in the bushes and hence the military police cannot see you. Oh, and my PC said "The best time to train is when you don't feel like training" (on training for IPPT), chew on it.


Haha, that's only half of what I want to say. Gosh, if I have time I would blog more la.. grah! 3 days is just NOT enough man !!!
Yep, I have to sleep soon due to my naggy parents - I think they'll beat any sergeants in terms of naggyness =/ Well for the benefit of me they would say? 

something to think about

http://blogs.redcross.org.uk/emergencies/2010/01/help-not-hinder-haiti/

Bugged

Guess like I have been hit with a cashiering bug.
I was dreaming about me serving a customer who wanted to pay for a blanket, and that I couldn't find the price tag on the blanket no matter how hard I searched.
Ironically, this blanket somehow seemed familiar to me.

*wakes up*
The blanket was indeed my own blanket and it was flipped and tossed around.
Scary huh.

***************************
6th January 2009
Being alone outside at the atrium is a real daunting task of trying to keep yourself occupied yet appearing to be doing your job to the public and your superiors. there are no computers (cash register counted?) to use, no storybooks to read, no 1-man games that I can effectively play w/o getting caught.. so I am draft writing my much-awaited (I hope =P) blog post on the (guess what..) receipt paper.
*checks drawer*
There are at least 10+ rolls so even if I ninja (steal) this 1/4 roll of paper it shouldn't hurt John Little or my job right? This is my first time working, and well there are mixed reactions to this.
Good:
1. I get to earn money while spending my "free" time instead of possibly gaming and snoozing at home
2. I get to experience a job as a frontline staff - and also delve a bit into the hidden workings of a departmental store.
Bad:
1. Really sucks to be alone, and now it is justified that I can sympathize a bit with those people manning a store by themselves - human beings are social creatures mind you
2. Best working experience is when there are not too many people (rush) and not too few people (boring) - sadly none really happened at the atrium

Ok la, the time now is 16:11 ... at least 5 more hours to go. The sky's getting dark, and the promoter said peak periods will be around soon, so yes let's see. There is this other temp female staff by the name of Mandy, or rather its "a name I picked for myself". I wonder why people like to give themselves a new name over their parents' one? Bad blood? Accepting the name your parents gave you at birth is at the very least a form of respect and affirmation of your ties with them. I'm not too sure but well.. maybe I think too much.

There's more people now, or rather more traffic. There are people carrying John Little shopping bags but not served by me de. Haiz I want to be posted back into the main store, and not stone at the atrium.
16:38 and only 2 customers, no wonder Singapore's consumer expenditure is so low. Ok I am ranting and this serves no economical benefit.

Ooh, now I am seeing alot of students, namely from River Valley, Gan Eng Seng, ITE, New Town Sec ... and this reminds me on what Charles said yesterday when I visited him. "Its a different feeling having the knowledge that you are not at school when practically everyone else is" Furthermore, we are not in school not because we are sick but rather we just simply do not need to attend school! Well, one might feel liberated from wearing school uniform of said schools, but the reality seems to be that you are just going to change from 1 set of uniform to another set of uniform. When you work, you also have to dress appropriately - not just T-shirts and pants and slippers - and don't that constitutes as uniform? Furthermore, at work, everything's unexpected and may influence your life directly. In school, you may fail the first test and pass the second test and that's it, it doesn't affect you that significantly. So whether being out of school is a blessing or not, you decide. For me, working is better - cause you get to earn money to do OTHER things you like, and maybe due to the fact that I experienced the scholarly type of confinement for 10 years?

yay, another $5/= credited to me!

Ok its 17:28. time really really moves damn slowly. I just realised why the air was so sweet smelling, the Body Shop is just besides me, and there are numerous people going in to test the products and hence esters diffuse out (:P), maybe I should too!

45 more mins!!! Not bad, I easily covered more transactions since 7pm as compared from 10.30am to 7pm.

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