ok, back to army
it will indeed be a gruelling 13 weeks of training, but I will persevere and continue on!
Well, I am already having a mini trial into how much pain I can really endure - had a rope burn (not so severe, but the blisters have the skin peeled off) whilst climbing some rope. get into a shower, or wash your hands, and you will be in a jolly good time trying to resist the thousands of red guard ants biting your fingers, or the sharp, burning sensation in your fingertips - till the point I actually wince. After that, it is the inconvenience of being left with 3 fingers (not like the last finger is of much use in fact), especially in tying laces!
also, it was a decision to whether to continue running or just giving up and walk back, since i definitely failed by timing - in the end it was purely a battle between mind and body, as what I discovered. Pushing yourself, and not pushing yourself, just for the sake of training your body up. Furthermore, it is also the fine line between pushing yourself enough, or not enough.

for once, i really discovered and realised first hand, the meaning of determination.
but then again, when will there be too much determination that it results in over-exertion? maybe I should try it out too!


so thinking of it in the big picture, there will be inconveniences and pain (suffering) to come. but it is a matter of gritting your teeth, thinking of it in a different light, and going through it.

at the end of it all, when you look back, you can look back with a smile, and with a whole lot of experience and that satisfying "I have done it"

so I must say that my quest for higher education and scholarships shall end for now.. ok take a break at least.
I realised it has been quite mentally strenuous, trying to think through the various questions, how to answer them, how to select universities and whether I have looked far and hard enough.
I shall take a breather, before I start applying to universities and scholarships again, and the round repeats.

However, i do hope that I need not restart the cycle again, that would probably make me one of the rare few amongst my friends having to apply next year for another shot - many have already obtained what they wanted/what they needed/what they could have already...

just had an interesting "happy hour" yesterday at Chevrons
for starters, this is basically an R&R day for Hotel company together, and it was held at some club at Chevrons (didn't really fit into my impression of a nightclub though... most probably its one of the many failed attempts to emulate private facilities)
this is probably the closest I get to clubbing to date (but nvm I will be experiencing the real one myself one day), and personally I am not the type I must say. But I did enjoy some segments, when the atmosphere got quite high.
and yes, first time I actually voluntarily downed 1 cup of beer (it was meant to be a mug, but well scammed) and honestly it isn't really quite my cup of tea.. but somehow it felt quite good (and mature?) to be just take that beer and drink it slowly, and act like I am talking business when in fact we are just gossiping or crapping

then again, those nostalgic moments just returned to me when we were watching a specially-prepped video of us from our dear lecture-rm-i/c who was basically the under-appreciated star. then it just struck me that time has really flew under our skin, and I didn't know I have done quite a lot for the past 6 weeks. well I must have been cursing and swearing under my breath, wondering what the heck I was doing then. the process repeated several times, but now I am sitting on this chair and recalling those hard times..

I like what the OC said, "It is not about the number of IPPT golds, its about making sure everyone can get IPPT silver and no one shall RT". Be it for any other negative reasons you might think of, this very statement symbolises the spirit of teamwork, where the timing for the race shall only be stopped when the last man crosses the finishing line.
Furthermore, what 2IC said also struck me. "If at the end of these 8 weeks you still do not understand what we are trying to teach you, then we have failed and you have wasted your 2 years. If you think you are wasting your 2 years, your 2 years will really be wasted. You can spend your 2 years here, and learn alot of things, things that you might need to pay for once you are out of the army. Guys, sometimes, touch my heart, look at yourself and your behaviour."

I realised I have learnt pretty much so far into my 3 months. Other than military knowledge and technical skills, I have observed different perspectives and personalities. The bitching involved, the chiong-sua ing involved, the lepak-ing (relax) involved and bla bla bla. (Something tells me I have blogged about this before, but nvm) Furthermore, I have realised how fortunate I really am, like how I should in fact treasure my times in the bunk. Its really all in the mind, everything that you do, that will make your life easier, happier and better. Also, I have faced pretty much failures (if you will call them), and yep braced myself against them. There will always be another day to train, another day to try again, and if you can't try again, there will always be an alternative. :)
In addition, I have to learn to manage my time. Like 2 days per week I have to learn to manage the things I do, and justify to myself why I like to spend it this way. There are several commitments I have undertaken, and hence I have to see through them.

so yes.. 1 year and a half more? I shall be ready, and we shall see.