2 key ideas

These few days have made me wonder about my own personal beliefs, and also brought upon me the idea that once we hit a certain age, our own beliefs and thinking has almost been set in stone (unless a super strong wind is able to pick it up and fling it)

Hence I think it is only right to make my own ideas (or whatever I can think of now) concrete.
I like making analogies, and my recent reply to Sean's post (I can't hyper link because I'm typing from my phone) + some other recent posts brought about the idea of interaction, and my subsequent use of the interaction analogy.

We only have so much limited information about each other. We have only this amount of memory space that can store certain amounts of information about each other. Hence it is only natural for us to assume things about others since we base our judgement on whatever limited information we have. Furthermore, over time, as new experiences and information enters our mental hard drive, some preexisting data may inadvertently get over written, hence causing us to "forget" certain things about others.

Assuming kind intentions, we shouldn't be particularly disappointed if people do forget things about us. You have to see the amount of interaction you have with the person to make the judgement. Why blame someone for forgetting you had a girlfriend if the last time you have interacted with him was years ago? Even if you do interact with the person, did you give him the necessary information?
At the very least, we should be thankful if people do ask about you. This is what matters more, the initiation to know about you. At least he makes an effort to try to remember you.

Another principle I have is feedback. We all want feedback, but sometimes we are also afraid of the painful truths. We like hearing praises but criticism etches deep in our hearts. We continually self reflect until the point of despise if we keep hearing criticism, hence as nice people we try not to be "mean" and not tell people off. Of course there is a tolerance level we should all have, but when was the last time did you have a serious talk about your actual behavior? We can be nice and diplomatic in our packaging, but has any actual content been passed? Maybe sometimes in a serious talk we should not play so nice and sometimes say the real feedback.

And why do people like to talk about others but not to the person in question directly? Once or twice for ranting or venting frustration is fine, but if it's a "chronic" thing, aren't you unfair to the said person? You are complaining about a person but you don't give him a chance to reform. Even if you for try to have subtle hints, how about simply going to the person and talking face to face? It's "fun" and OK to be the one gossiping, but the one being gossiped? I doubt so. He will simply do it again and again (probably annoying things) because he does not know how it affects you!
Of course, if you have done your part and talked to him or communicated with him (I meant actual words not insinuation), and he doesn't change, that is a different matter. Maybe you might know the reason for his doing, and probably it won't be so bad after all. ultimately, assume kind intention.

Lastly, I am thankful for friends who have been entertaining me and trying to reach out to me. I apologise that I am sometimes not free to reciprocate your offers. (Don't go into business law mode Thank you very much)
I am also trying to balance out my relationships. Have to keep maintaining contact with my friends, because I don't want to lose them either. It will not be an easy task, but it will be worthwhile.

My post may sound angsty, but mark my words, my door is always open for communication.

Brief recollection of Academic Year 2 Sem 1 Week 1

1. RPR still feels the same to me though, reminding me of the entire year I spent listening to lectures, going through tutorials and having quizzes.

2. I still have to fight for my table (by going there early), maybe I should make a mark there xD

3. My behaviour hasn't changed, probably only got worst by distracting people. Sometimes familiarity breeds contempt disrespect?

4. Work will only get tougher, and with more commitments that I want to take up, there got to be a reshuffling of priorities, and possibly abandon activities that may not be "efficient use of time". But I could use some second opinions - but question is how do I do it approach it objectively?

5. I might have to pay attention to more "after class mingling", or maybe not? 

6. I like to focus on my own plans too much, and not waste time in travelling. But I am fine with being in the place early and "wasting time". I tend to walk further in front, rather than chilling at the back and talking. Maybe I need to change that as well?

7. Should I change my group? But even if I change my group, it will usually end up with those standard "non-productive" talk cock anyway. How can I encourage people to talk to me in a deeper level? I'm always a door open but few has yet to walk through it... or could I have accidentally closed the door on someone?

Burden

Someone once told me, "In life, you can be anyone, but never a burden to others, especially your loved ones".
So here comes the concept of a burden.
And my mind started to develop ideas, definition and perspective of this theme: burden.

But warning: this piece can be highly controversial and may sound very pragmatic. Judge me all you want, but these are issues that one have to deal with anyway.


So what defines a burden? There can be many definitions, but I settle for this generalization.
Having shortcomings need not necessitate a burden; only when the shortcomings can adversely affect the relationship in the future then a burden is present. Sometimes even strengths can be a burden. Let's give an example. (and of course, whether something "adversely affect" is also down to perspective, so this passage is based on mine)

Weakness that is not a burden:
Inability to entertain the other partner for long hours may be a weakness that is evident during the dating phase (oh my partner is so boring), but will not have any lasting impact. (when u are busy working there is no inherent need to entertain)


Being a burden not only waste resources, but unnecessarily consumes effort and time. Of course, in a relationship we have to share weal and woe together, and "complement each other", but each partner also has the responsibility to remain "worth of each other". Remember, doesn't mean you have the partner means you can stop all your efforts to impress the person. In fact, you have to maintain yourself, if not you are ultimately being a cheat/liar. For instance, you used not to smoke then you suddenly pick up smoking. Of course some of these things may be trivial, (like being funny when in fact all you did were memorize jokes and once she knows your hidden truth you are like "uh shit"), but even some seemingly trivial things may be important (if you have a pet peeve against your partner but you refuse to tell your partner for fear of being judged, you will end up suffering as your pet peeve happens again and again when you are with a partner). 

But having a current disability or something does not necessitate burden unless the disability will be permanent. What is more important than all these "tangible symptoms" will be the mindset. The most crucial mindset in a relationship will be the desire to learn and explore. Only through constant learning and exploration will you be able to accept new ideas and adapt to your partner's changing needs (as they grow old or enter new phases of the life) It is also with this desire you will continually try to improve and outdo your current self, honing your own physical, mental and psychological well being.

So you may ask, will I "screen" a person before I take him/her as a partner for life? Yes I would. TV shows may be all drama, but they sometimes offer real  lessons. Will you seriously want to marry into a family where you will be interlocked with family politics and infighting? Is it really that easy to just elope with your partner and run off? Maybe it is, but is it so feasible all the time? Good thing is, many things that may seem to be a problem, ain't problems at all, because they can be easily remedied. And some problems can't even be classified as problems. Remember, the "problems" I am referring to are those that may be life-threatening or have high impact to the lives. For instance, HIV/AIDs will be considered a problem. But having a broken arm will not be a problem since most fractures can be healed over time.
These problems are more "mental" rather than "physical". Someone who is highly intelligent but equally stubborn and obstinate will definitely remain in a forever alone group. But someone who is less intelligent but willing to learn will have more potential as a mate.


Of course, I guess a counter argument running through your head will be, what to do when someone eventually grows old. This is where this article will lose its hold. In fact I am not addressing those concerns when your partner grows old and naturally become weaker. But mindsets remains when your partner grow old. Will your partner, due to his/her aging body, become self depressed and complain non-stop without trying any means to get better? Or will your partner, despite the age, attempt to keep his/her life colourful so as to retain his/her mental faculties as much as possible? These are real crucial questions that you must ask yourself, because when everyone else grow old, only you have the responsibility to take care of the person, unless divorce is an option.



So what does this post essentially broach about?
Love, although idyllic and sometimes idealistic, is far from that. Love is formed from compromise, where both parties have to put in effort to maintain the relationship. This means a balance of both "me" and "him/her". As I like to tell my partner, "I love you because for who you are, not an extension of me (because you are too clingy)". Furthermore, I use a rope analogy for relationship. Imagine a relationship is like a rope that has to be lifted above ground to succeed. So 2 people come and lift the rope on both ends so that the rope will be lifted above ground. If one partner goofs off or is simply unable to hold on the rope properly, the rope will have a higher chance to touching the ground and the relationship will be strained. If one partner no longer loves the other party (he/she has dropped the rope), no amount of work (lifting of the rope) by the other party will not save the relationship.

So be true to yourself, but also be true to your partner. Do your best to grow yourself, because that's one of the best ways to keep your relationship growing strong. Of course, when you need help, ask!