These few days have made me wonder about my own personal beliefs, and also brought upon me the idea that once we hit a certain age, our own beliefs and thinking has almost been set in stone (unless a super strong wind is able to pick it up and fling it)
Hence I think it is only right to make my own ideas (or whatever I can think of now) concrete.
I like making analogies, and my recent reply to Sean's post (I can't hyper link because I'm typing from my phone) + some other recent posts brought about the idea of interaction, and my subsequent use of the interaction analogy.
We only have so much limited information about each other. We have only this amount of memory space that can store certain amounts of information about each other. Hence it is only natural for us to assume things about others since we base our judgement on whatever limited information we have. Furthermore, over time, as new experiences and information enters our mental hard drive, some preexisting data may inadvertently get over written, hence causing us to "forget" certain things about others.
Assuming kind intentions, we shouldn't be particularly disappointed if people do forget things about us. You have to see the amount of interaction you have with the person to make the judgement. Why blame someone for forgetting you had a girlfriend if the last time you have interacted with him was years ago? Even if you do interact with the person, did you give him the necessary information?
At the very least, we should be thankful if people do ask about you. This is what matters more, the initiation to know about you. At least he makes an effort to try to remember you.
Another principle I have is feedback. We all want feedback, but sometimes we are also afraid of the painful truths. We like hearing praises but criticism etches deep in our hearts. We continually self reflect until the point of despise if we keep hearing criticism, hence as nice people we try not to be "mean" and not tell people off. Of course there is a tolerance level we should all have, but when was the last time did you have a serious talk about your actual behavior? We can be nice and diplomatic in our packaging, but has any actual content been passed? Maybe sometimes in a serious talk we should not play so nice and sometimes say the real feedback.
And why do people like to talk about others but not to the person in question directly? Once or twice for ranting or venting frustration is fine, but if it's a "chronic" thing, aren't you unfair to the said person? You are complaining about a person but you don't give him a chance to reform. Even if you for try to have subtle hints, how about simply going to the person and talking face to face? It's "fun" and OK to be the one gossiping, but the one being gossiped? I doubt so. He will simply do it again and again (probably annoying things) because he does not know how it affects you!
Of course, if you have done your part and talked to him or communicated with him (I meant actual words not insinuation), and he doesn't change, that is a different matter. Maybe you might know the reason for his doing, and probably it won't be so bad after all. ultimately, assume kind intention.
Lastly, I am thankful for friends who have been entertaining me and trying to reach out to me. I apologise that I am sometimes not free to reciprocate your offers. (Don't go into business law mode Thank you very much)
I am also trying to balance out my relationships. Have to keep maintaining contact with my friends, because I don't want to lose them either. It will not be an easy task, but it will be worthwhile.
My post may sound angsty, but mark my words, my door is always open for communication.
No comments:
Post a Comment