"Haha lazy? Doesn't sound like you."
Got a good smack in the face with that message. Although probably a harmless poke from my friend, but an otherwise awakening call for me.
I was so fit and active in the past that I am now a mere shadow of it. I can blame it on lack of time and lack of energy, but thinking back I think my discipline has lagged desperately. Many times I have tried to revive it only to succumb to the temptation of sloth.
"Whatever you do, make sure you do your best."
Caught up with a friend whom I lost touch for a few months. And I also had lunch with another friend whom I lost touch for a few years, and only regained connection when he requested for help and I responded in kind. To be honest I regretted not being able to provide much more aid then, but I do not regret not helping him then. He inspires me. He dropped out of school to pursue his own dreams, and although he is not entirely that famous or established yet, he knows what he is doing, and whatever he speaks weighs in gold. It's like he is living proof of whatever he says, whereas idealists like me only theorize or prophesize but do not do anything about it.
I have slacked enough for this holidays and know what I wanted to know. So now there's no excuse to have 0 plans.. anyway I am the one advocating for planned holidays but end up having no plans. What a hypocrite.
At least I have caught up with some old friends again... it really feels so good to be catching up with people :D
But here's a list of to-dos:
1. Finish where I started with my arm
2. Learn drums (omg I am seriously considering this) or guitar again.
3. Get a 1 month job
4. Go for some courses at coursera.org
Tuesday, May 21, 2013
Sunday, May 12, 2013
Ode to you, my reader
So now the examinations are over.
Had a blog post in mind but somehow couldn't get it out of my head, probably my brain is still processing and searching for that mental draft. I think I need to install JARVIS into my head as well.
Went for the Fe man movie with the dancers, quite a good movie, worth watching. Enjoyed the graphics (and omg the dolby surround sound) and the A class acting. Robert Downey Jr. could really portray the narcissistic Tony Stark together with the problem that sporadically haunts him. However, as usual there were a number of plot holes or "quick cover ups" to end the story - but that's fine with me. I go to a cinema to be entertained, not to challenge everything I see.
And ... once I reached home and I read up on the actual characters portrayed in the movie... and kinda got disappointed again. But well, it is a "movie adaptation" and not a "movie on the actual story". Ok shan't spoil the story to my readers.
But what I liked about Iron Man was this subtle raising of the issue of technological advancement. In our quest for betterment of our lives, we create technology that would help us, but which could also potentially harm us. The very creation of E______s would help us biologically as human beings, but when misused in a military context it could be potentially problematic. Also imagine if Tony Stark suddenly got mind controlled by some super villian, won't the Iron Man be a threat to the world then?
So as scientists, how far should we pursue our dreams? Only to create something that could be potentially rewarding, both in good and bad?
After that we went to Cold Stone. And this is my first time going there. Haha there's a reason why I label myself as a "tourist in Orchard Road". Ok la, I know where the Cold Stone is in Orchard Central, and I do know its existence, but I never actually entered and ate their ice cream before. Pardon my ignorance (:
But we had a nice little chat, nothing deep, but still updating each other on the teeny bits of things we did just after Thursday. (lol, ok it's only like 1 day but still alot have been done.. in terms of laziness)
===============================
But yep examinations are over! I owe myself a recollection and summary of this entire academic year of reflections.
*shall take a shower before continuing*
*back, switches on Kevin Kern music*
So one year as a university undergraduate has simply slipped away. Metaphorically alone now, listening to soothing music, and immersing myself in the buzzing world of crickets - just like I was in hall. Even more striking (I just realised), is that the window is to the left of me now, exactly the same way I am positioned in hall.
Hall has been a fantastic place for me to be in. Other than having a new, separate social circle (I think we have discussed about this before, the benefits of having a separate social circle, although the hall social circle is partially fused but still I can consider it almost separate from the circle in school and outside school), Hall provided an immense level of convenience and independence. Although I am still technically in Singapore and have the luxury of a 24/7 response hotline that I can dial in case I meet any difficulties, I told myself never to use that hotline other than to update them on me being safe and enjoying my time in hall. I think I got this bug from the army, but I can't help but smile at the idea of being able to stay by myself (or with an awesome room mate like whom I have presently), and "visiting" my parents on the weekends. I can even regard this as an early opportunity to be "post marriage living away from the parents" kind of thing, getting to experience first hand what it's like to be alone. (Maybe my roomie can turn into a girl or something)
-
School in general was ... wait for it... fun! Personally I do not really understand all the hate and disgust for it. Or maybe this sense of hopelessness and despair when studying for it. However, please do not instantly think of it as "because you (Kevin) are smart and you are not really facing problems hence you naturally find it easier and hence less stressed". But of course, I do still whine now and then, but wholeheartedly, I really like this course. Where in the world can you find a course that exposes you to so much breadth? Isn't it quite heartening, or proud-worthy that when your other friends from other faculties discuss things and you are mostly likely to at least understand something? Yes we are all suspicious or wary about how our degree will serve us to get our job in the future, but in the first place when deciding to accept this programme haven't you done your research? Oh my I really sound quite bitchy now, and my English is deteriorating. I am fine with some whining now and then but sometimes I get the impression some are really so sick of being in this course but are holding on because of their scholarships. It's one thing to let us know your sentiments and want to "htht" but infecting people with negative energy is certainly not a way to do so.
I personally had to struggle with some topics, as I was unable to wrap my mind around some concepts. Anyway the immense workload would have definitely moulded us into better learners. In JC, we had the luxury of time to keep practicing on the same type of questions, and anything we didn't know we could simply rinse and repeat until we were nearly perfect with it (less some careless mistakes). However here we lack this luxury of time. In fact we probably practiced less than 5 times for each sub topic (what the question is essentially testing you on) before having to take the examination. This kind of stress forces us to change our way of learning - from simply rote learning to real conceptual understanding. We have to also get used to not having this "yes I thrashed this question (again)" feeling after completing a certain question, but rather "I hope I did it right with whatever I know". I feel this is more accurate of the working world where there is no such thing as exercises or tutorials for you to bank on. You can make mistakes once or twice - those were your "tutorials". Any further mistakes that cannot be otherwise explained would probably result in severe penalties.
-
Friendship. I have come a long way since army days. Constantly reflecting on the relationships that I have. I dare say now I am proud to cast aside this "pathetic, friendless person who is not usually invited and always on the initiating end of every conversation that is non-academic". Even though I still do not get as much attention as I would have liked, but I am getting more used to it. I have learnt, and have to learn more on:
1. It's ok to not be in the know all the time
2. It's ok to not have people talk to you or confide in you, they are simply not that comfortable with you and that's fine.
3. It's ok to not go for all the gatherings that you are invited to, there's no need to be afraid of "being left out"
4. It's ok to have some relationships fizzle out, even no matter how much you try
*Shall pause for some gaming*
However I have gained some new friends whom I can really count to. I have definitely increased the number of friends to go to for fun, but for real serious talk where I do not have to worry about making the other person feel awkward, I have at least found one person to talk to.
I am really appreciative of all the efforts my new found friends have put in me. Like seriously. It really makes my heart glows that people still remember me and make time just for me:
1. Simply knocking on my door without informing me to ask me to join them for pizza they just ordered (dancers)
2. Simply crashing my room now and then for no rhyme or reason other than to see my face (: (many many people, you know who you are. #1 crasher: Sean. Jia jun crashed too. Nicole crashed with cakes! Adi, Yanling, Khee Ern, Hui jie crashed after their project meeting. Clarice crashing with Joan just for random chat. Leon crashing in just to have a chat at block 53 lounge. Bowen came in just to look around my room. If you have crashed but not in the list, I am really really sorry >.< )
3. Searching my name up on urban dictionary because my name came across your mind to poke fun with (I'm fine with that it just feels great to be remembered)
4. Having surprise birthday celebrations (hall + dancers - omg i really didn't know how to thank them)
5. Having people wishing me birthday when I didn't explicitly put it up
6. Having people ask about my arm now and then to see if it still hurts. And I really like it when people ask to touch it haha shit dont judge thanks
7. Having people pat my shoulder or attempt to carry me and do some stunt or world wrestling federation move on me, like justin especially (because it feels so fun)
8. A group of friends I could really call upon to go around anytime like basketball or chill or game!
9. Having friends who could tell me right in my face some things they thought I could improve on, and are willing to listen to my explanation to know more about me.
I never thought uni would be so much more gratifying, at least for this semester compared to the semester 1. I don't know but I feel much .. happier? compared to when I was in JC and army and before that. Other than the innocent childhood I had in primary school that is.
-
Joan. This short girl has taken me for a ride literally. Those who know would already know how different this girl is, where she asked instead of me. I did not have that much liking for her yet, but she took my heart. She's not the perfect girl that I want, well there's no one perfect enough for anyone. There are many "flaws" that I see in her, but those are simply what makes her so special. Even then, I myself am hopeless flawed, but also hopelessly smitten by her. Oh shit seriously this girl. Not only does she provide me with latest gossip (somehow she has a penchant to know about inside news hehe), she showers me with attention that I so greatly desire. I am also very thankful for her being able to pour out her feelings and problems to me, perfectly knowing how practical I am and probably too insensitive to provide her with any emotional relief. I yearned for company, and she fits into that role. She may not be as sporty as I would have wanted, she may not be a skirt-lover that I like, she may not be that perfect height (I think I'm the one with height problem D:), but she provides me with love and care and still some freedom for my own personal life. She trusts me despite knowing what a pimp I am, and she lets me go to have roomie time within pining for my attention. Even then, I am still not sure in what does she sees in me that she decided to even like me. Someone who is loud, noisy and relatively dense (everyone in the class knew but me lol what a loser)
Oh well, all the best to me and her. (:
Have to learn about her more, and she has to also learn about me hehe. No other way around it sorry!
-
So yea, one year has passed by. I am deciding to go for the op to remove the splint, and to remove the metal in my body. Decided I am still young and shouldn't have any foreign thing stuck in my body, and now is the best possible time to do the operation. Opportunity cost? Loss of potential overseas trips and internship opportunities. But oh well, 3 months of slacking shouldn't make much an impact will it?
=============
So what shall I do in the holidays? Oh my so many things:
1. Train my LoL to awesome 31337 levels
2. Practice my guitar
3. Ensure my cousins improve in their subjects.
4. Train my cooking (:
5. Catch up with my old friends, I need a refresher course with them again! Cannot lose them!!!!
-
Anyway, thank you blog readers. I really appreciate you guys/girls for taking the time off to read my blog. I take it as you are trying to get to know me better despite me not talking to like 99% to you guys in real life face to face. I know sometimes it's awkward but oh well. You guys could have spent the time reading my blog on probably watching other videos or doing other more useful things, but yea. For those who I know who read my blog, you probably don't know it but I am ready to talk anytime (: For those who I don't know yet and want to remain anonymous, no worries. I won't make an effort to find out who you are. That's what I told myself - at least that's if you don't come telling me that you read my blog la.
*Kevin Kern music still playing in background. Really awesome*
Time to sleep. Tomorrow gonna wake up for some awesome sporting action.
And I think I lost that bubble tea craze, probably thanks to exam.
And I spammed tags this time.
And thank you once more!
Had a blog post in mind but somehow couldn't get it out of my head, probably my brain is still processing and searching for that mental draft. I think I need to install JARVIS into my head as well.
Went for the Fe man movie with the dancers, quite a good movie, worth watching. Enjoyed the graphics (and omg the dolby surround sound) and the A class acting. Robert Downey Jr. could really portray the narcissistic Tony Stark together with the problem that sporadically haunts him. However, as usual there were a number of plot holes or "quick cover ups" to end the story - but that's fine with me. I go to a cinema to be entertained, not to challenge everything I see.
And ... once I reached home and I read up on the actual characters portrayed in the movie... and kinda got disappointed again. But well, it is a "movie adaptation" and not a "movie on the actual story". Ok shan't spoil the story to my readers.
But what I liked about Iron Man was this subtle raising of the issue of technological advancement. In our quest for betterment of our lives, we create technology that would help us, but which could also potentially harm us. The very creation of E______s would help us biologically as human beings, but when misused in a military context it could be potentially problematic. Also imagine if Tony Stark suddenly got mind controlled by some super villian, won't the Iron Man be a threat to the world then?
So as scientists, how far should we pursue our dreams? Only to create something that could be potentially rewarding, both in good and bad?
After that we went to Cold Stone. And this is my first time going there. Haha there's a reason why I label myself as a "tourist in Orchard Road". Ok la, I know where the Cold Stone is in Orchard Central, and I do know its existence, but I never actually entered and ate their ice cream before. Pardon my ignorance (:
But we had a nice little chat, nothing deep, but still updating each other on the teeny bits of things we did just after Thursday. (lol, ok it's only like 1 day but still alot have been done.. in terms of laziness)
===============================
But yep examinations are over! I owe myself a recollection and summary of this entire academic year of reflections.
*shall take a shower before continuing*
*back, switches on Kevin Kern music*
So one year as a university undergraduate has simply slipped away. Metaphorically alone now, listening to soothing music, and immersing myself in the buzzing world of crickets - just like I was in hall. Even more striking (I just realised), is that the window is to the left of me now, exactly the same way I am positioned in hall.
Hall has been a fantastic place for me to be in. Other than having a new, separate social circle (I think we have discussed about this before, the benefits of having a separate social circle, although the hall social circle is partially fused but still I can consider it almost separate from the circle in school and outside school), Hall provided an immense level of convenience and independence. Although I am still technically in Singapore and have the luxury of a 24/7 response hotline that I can dial in case I meet any difficulties, I told myself never to use that hotline other than to update them on me being safe and enjoying my time in hall. I think I got this bug from the army, but I can't help but smile at the idea of being able to stay by myself (or with an awesome room mate like whom I have presently), and "visiting" my parents on the weekends. I can even regard this as an early opportunity to be "post marriage living away from the parents" kind of thing, getting to experience first hand what it's like to be alone. (Maybe my roomie can turn into a girl or something)
-
School in general was ... wait for it... fun! Personally I do not really understand all the hate and disgust for it. Or maybe this sense of hopelessness and despair when studying for it. However, please do not instantly think of it as "because you (Kevin) are smart and you are not really facing problems hence you naturally find it easier and hence less stressed". But of course, I do still whine now and then, but wholeheartedly, I really like this course. Where in the world can you find a course that exposes you to so much breadth? Isn't it quite heartening, or proud-worthy that when your other friends from other faculties discuss things and you are mostly likely to at least understand something? Yes we are all suspicious or wary about how our degree will serve us to get our job in the future, but in the first place when deciding to accept this programme haven't you done your research? Oh my I really sound quite bitchy now, and my English is deteriorating. I am fine with some whining now and then but sometimes I get the impression some are really so sick of being in this course but are holding on because of their scholarships. It's one thing to let us know your sentiments and want to "htht" but infecting people with negative energy is certainly not a way to do so.
I personally had to struggle with some topics, as I was unable to wrap my mind around some concepts. Anyway the immense workload would have definitely moulded us into better learners. In JC, we had the luxury of time to keep practicing on the same type of questions, and anything we didn't know we could simply rinse and repeat until we were nearly perfect with it (less some careless mistakes). However here we lack this luxury of time. In fact we probably practiced less than 5 times for each sub topic (what the question is essentially testing you on) before having to take the examination. This kind of stress forces us to change our way of learning - from simply rote learning to real conceptual understanding. We have to also get used to not having this "yes I thrashed this question (again)" feeling after completing a certain question, but rather "I hope I did it right with whatever I know". I feel this is more accurate of the working world where there is no such thing as exercises or tutorials for you to bank on. You can make mistakes once or twice - those were your "tutorials". Any further mistakes that cannot be otherwise explained would probably result in severe penalties.
-
Friendship. I have come a long way since army days. Constantly reflecting on the relationships that I have. I dare say now I am proud to cast aside this "pathetic, friendless person who is not usually invited and always on the initiating end of every conversation that is non-academic". Even though I still do not get as much attention as I would have liked, but I am getting more used to it. I have learnt, and have to learn more on:
1. It's ok to not be in the know all the time
2. It's ok to not have people talk to you or confide in you, they are simply not that comfortable with you and that's fine.
3. It's ok to not go for all the gatherings that you are invited to, there's no need to be afraid of "being left out"
4. It's ok to have some relationships fizzle out, even no matter how much you try
*Shall pause for some gaming*
However I have gained some new friends whom I can really count to. I have definitely increased the number of friends to go to for fun, but for real serious talk where I do not have to worry about making the other person feel awkward, I have at least found one person to talk to.
I am really appreciative of all the efforts my new found friends have put in me. Like seriously. It really makes my heart glows that people still remember me and make time just for me:
1. Simply knocking on my door without informing me to ask me to join them for pizza they just ordered (dancers)
2. Simply crashing my room now and then for no rhyme or reason other than to see my face (: (many many people, you know who you are. #1 crasher: Sean. Jia jun crashed too. Nicole crashed with cakes! Adi, Yanling, Khee Ern, Hui jie crashed after their project meeting. Clarice crashing with Joan just for random chat. Leon crashing in just to have a chat at block 53 lounge. Bowen came in just to look around my room. If you have crashed but not in the list, I am really really sorry >.< )
3. Searching my name up on urban dictionary because my name came across your mind to poke fun with (I'm fine with that it just feels great to be remembered)
4. Having surprise birthday celebrations (hall + dancers - omg i really didn't know how to thank them)
5. Having people wishing me birthday when I didn't explicitly put it up
6. Having people ask about my arm now and then to see if it still hurts. And I really like it when people ask to touch it haha shit dont judge thanks
7. Having people pat my shoulder or attempt to carry me and do some stunt or world wrestling federation move on me, like justin especially (because it feels so fun)
8. A group of friends I could really call upon to go around anytime like basketball or chill or game!
9. Having friends who could tell me right in my face some things they thought I could improve on, and are willing to listen to my explanation to know more about me.
I never thought uni would be so much more gratifying, at least for this semester compared to the semester 1. I don't know but I feel much .. happier? compared to when I was in JC and army and before that. Other than the innocent childhood I had in primary school that is.
-
Joan. This short girl has taken me for a ride literally. Those who know would already know how different this girl is, where she asked instead of me. I did not have that much liking for her yet, but she took my heart. She's not the perfect girl that I want, well there's no one perfect enough for anyone. There are many "flaws" that I see in her, but those are simply what makes her so special. Even then, I myself am hopeless flawed, but also hopelessly smitten by her. Oh shit seriously this girl. Not only does she provide me with latest gossip (somehow she has a penchant to know about inside news hehe), she showers me with attention that I so greatly desire. I am also very thankful for her being able to pour out her feelings and problems to me, perfectly knowing how practical I am and probably too insensitive to provide her with any emotional relief. I yearned for company, and she fits into that role. She may not be as sporty as I would have wanted, she may not be a skirt-lover that I like, she may not be that perfect height (I think I'm the one with height problem D:), but she provides me with love and care and still some freedom for my own personal life. She trusts me despite knowing what a pimp I am, and she lets me go to have roomie time within pining for my attention. Even then, I am still not sure in what does she sees in me that she decided to even like me. Someone who is loud, noisy and relatively dense (everyone in the class knew but me lol what a loser)
Oh well, all the best to me and her. (:
Have to learn about her more, and she has to also learn about me hehe. No other way around it sorry!
-
So yea, one year has passed by. I am deciding to go for the op to remove the splint, and to remove the metal in my body. Decided I am still young and shouldn't have any foreign thing stuck in my body, and now is the best possible time to do the operation. Opportunity cost? Loss of potential overseas trips and internship opportunities. But oh well, 3 months of slacking shouldn't make much an impact will it?
=============
So what shall I do in the holidays? Oh my so many things:
1. Train my LoL to awesome 31337 levels
2. Practice my guitar
3. Ensure my cousins improve in their subjects.
4. Train my cooking (:
5. Catch up with my old friends, I need a refresher course with them again! Cannot lose them!!!!
-
Anyway, thank you blog readers. I really appreciate you guys/girls for taking the time off to read my blog. I take it as you are trying to get to know me better despite me not talking to like 99% to you guys in real life face to face. I know sometimes it's awkward but oh well. You guys could have spent the time reading my blog on probably watching other videos or doing other more useful things, but yea. For those who I know who read my blog, you probably don't know it but I am ready to talk anytime (: For those who I don't know yet and want to remain anonymous, no worries. I won't make an effort to find out who you are. That's what I told myself - at least that's if you don't come telling me that you read my blog la.
*Kevin Kern music still playing in background. Really awesome*
Time to sleep. Tomorrow gonna wake up for some awesome sporting action.
And I think I lost that bubble tea craze, probably thanks to exam.
And I spammed tags this time.
And thank you once more!
Monday, May 06, 2013
Bird 2
Looks like it didn't study stress strain analysis.
Oh well, I didn't touch it and I left the towel there.
Seems like I should keep it to deter, or should I leave it there for it to try again? If it wants to that is.
Oh well, I didn't touch it and I left the towel there.
Seems like I should keep it to deter, or should I leave it there for it to try again? If it wants to that is.
 |
| Apparently bird saliva is not adhesive enough for my towel. |
Saturday, May 04, 2013
Bird
So I decided to keep a pet bird with my towel.
I think it will help become a therapeutic source of relaxation when I am studying (:
I think it will help become a therapeutic source of relaxation when I am studying (:
 |
| My towel became a tree |
Friday, May 03, 2013
男人, 女人
Was reading something in Chinese, and came across this 2 phrases... nuff said
男人最骄傲的不是睡过多少女人，
而是能有一个女人愿意让他睡一辈子。
女人最骄傲的不是拥有多少男人，
而是她的男人愿意为他拒绝多少女人。
Actually I do kinda like to read Chinese (:
男人最骄傲的不是睡过多少女人，
而是能有一个女人愿意让他睡一辈子。
女人最骄傲的不是拥有多少男人，
而是她的男人愿意为他拒绝多少女人。
Actually I do kinda like to read Chinese (:
Thursday, May 02, 2013
Birthday
So now I (and we) are left with 3 papers to go.
Just remembered I was typing this draft before I had to leave it for something else. All I know was this post is 2 days late D:
Was really touched by all the well-wishes (SMS and whatsapp) as well as the surprise celebrations I had, and of course my parents - nope they didn't surprise me but having dinner with them was already sufficient as a present and reminder that I have two awesome family members I could rely on.
I was neither elated nor happy when I opened the door and saw Lutfi with my dance group at late afternoon and then my Hall orientation group camping my room at night. I was simply, flabbergasted?
I did not foresee anyone celebrating for me, there's a reason why I didn't want to put the date up on Facebook. I just didn't feel like telling the whole world when my birthday is. Yes I know it's awkward, you may go "what? it's your birthday leh, your special day". But to me, a birthday is simply any ordinary day, and I can make any day special just by viewing it as special. I am already having special days but having people cook breakfast for me, having a room mate who I can really synchronize with, having a girlfriend who loves me so much yet battling her inner demons, having my parents take care of me but also trying not to disturb me, having friends who randomly come over to my room just to visit me, having friends who would respond to me just makes these days even special.
I am used to not have people celebrate with me other than my parents (and my ex girlfriend - she really loves celebrating haha) I feel other people have other priorities and being examinations there is simply no reason why they should especially come down. Why won't I be ecstatic then? Well I was really astounded and I think I didn't know how to react or respond. I found myself in that stammering clamber for words and the sudden dissipation of the joker in me. I just didn't know how to react but be stunned.
But one thing I realised is this, I am unable to properly entertain guests. I really suck at it. When guests come to my room, I don't know what to say, don't know what to do. Yet I have this feeling to entertain them, because I already have the honour of them coming over especially to my room to visit me, shouldn't I then entertain them in response? Like talking to them at least. I have no food that people will like (my food choices are weird), have no common games to discuss and don't watch the same dramas/serials that many do. But oh man, I wonder (mainly to dancers who wouldn't be seeing this blog anyway, and my OG group) how I was like when they came into my room. I felt like someone totally different, someone who was soft and quiet and not his usual loud spoken, crappish self.
Oh well.
Maybe that's the real me? And behind all my loud, confident, overbearing voice is someone actually needing affirmation, attention yet scared to appear too eager nor too friendly and not knowing how to handle social situations?
------------------------------
So examination is over! At least 2 out of 5.
(ok toilet break, I had to dump all my birthday thoughts while the other side is preparing to dump too)
So next week, it will be just 3 days and we will be done with this round on Thursday.
I think I am camping too much in my room and hall. Have to go outside and absorb some sun and give out some sweat.
And I think I forgot what I wanted to blog about anyway. Ok that's about it.!
Just remembered I was typing this draft before I had to leave it for something else. All I know was this post is 2 days late D:
Was really touched by all the well-wishes (SMS and whatsapp) as well as the surprise celebrations I had, and of course my parents - nope they didn't surprise me but having dinner with them was already sufficient as a present and reminder that I have two awesome family members I could rely on.
I was neither elated nor happy when I opened the door and saw Lutfi with my dance group at late afternoon and then my Hall orientation group camping my room at night. I was simply, flabbergasted?
I did not foresee anyone celebrating for me, there's a reason why I didn't want to put the date up on Facebook. I just didn't feel like telling the whole world when my birthday is. Yes I know it's awkward, you may go "what? it's your birthday leh, your special day". But to me, a birthday is simply any ordinary day, and I can make any day special just by viewing it as special. I am already having special days but having people cook breakfast for me, having a room mate who I can really synchronize with, having a girlfriend who loves me so much yet battling her inner demons, having my parents take care of me but also trying not to disturb me, having friends who randomly come over to my room just to visit me, having friends who would respond to me just makes these days even special.
I am used to not have people celebrate with me other than my parents (and my ex girlfriend - she really loves celebrating haha) I feel other people have other priorities and being examinations there is simply no reason why they should especially come down. Why won't I be ecstatic then? Well I was really astounded and I think I didn't know how to react or respond. I found myself in that stammering clamber for words and the sudden dissipation of the joker in me. I just didn't know how to react but be stunned.
But one thing I realised is this, I am unable to properly entertain guests. I really suck at it. When guests come to my room, I don't know what to say, don't know what to do. Yet I have this feeling to entertain them, because I already have the honour of them coming over especially to my room to visit me, shouldn't I then entertain them in response? Like talking to them at least. I have no food that people will like (my food choices are weird), have no common games to discuss and don't watch the same dramas/serials that many do. But oh man, I wonder (mainly to dancers who wouldn't be seeing this blog anyway, and my OG group) how I was like when they came into my room. I felt like someone totally different, someone who was soft and quiet and not his usual loud spoken, crappish self.
Oh well.
Maybe that's the real me? And behind all my loud, confident, overbearing voice is someone actually needing affirmation, attention yet scared to appear too eager nor too friendly and not knowing how to handle social situations?
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So examination is over! At least 2 out of 5.
(ok toilet break, I had to dump all my birthday thoughts while the other side is preparing to dump too)
So next week, it will be just 3 days and we will be done with this round on Thursday.
I think I am camping too much in my room and hall. Have to go outside and absorb some sun and give out some sweat.
And I think I forgot what I wanted to blog about anyway. Ok that's about it.!
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