If you have read this before on facebook, you can scroll down for my opinion:
AM I WITH THE RIGHT PARTNER?
During a seminar, a woman asked," How do I know if I am with the right person?"
The author then noticed that there was a large man sitting next to her so he said, "It depends. Is that your partner?" In all seriousness, she answered "How do you know?" Let me answer this question because the chances are good that it's weighing on your mind replied the author.
Here's the answer.
Every relationship has a cycle… In the beginning; you fall in love with your partner. You anticipate their calls, want their touch, and like their idiosyncrasies. Falling in love wasn't hard. In fact, it was a completely natural and spontaneous experience. You didn't have to DO anything. That's why it's called "falling" in love.
People in love sometimes say, "I was swept of my feet."Picture the expression. It implies that you were just standing there; doing nothing, and then something happened TO YOU.
Falling in love is a passive and spontaneous experience. But after a few months or years of being together, the euphoria of love fades. It's a natural cycle of EVERY relationship.
Slowly but surely, phone calls become a bother (if they come at all), touch is not always welcome (when it happens), and your spouse's idiosyncrasies, instead of being cute, drive you nuts. The symptoms of this stage vary with every relationship; you will notice a dramatic difference between the initial stage when you were in love and a much duller or even angry subsequent stage.
At this point, you and/or your partner might start asking, "Am I with the right person?" And as you reflect on the euphoria of the love you once had, you may begin to desire that experience with someone else. This is when relationships breakdown.
The key to succeeding in a relationship is not finding the right person; it's learning to love the person you found.
People blame their partners for their unhappiness and look outside for fulfillment. Extramarital fulfillment comes in all shapes and sizes.
Infidelity is the most common. But sometimes people turn to work, a hobby, friendship, excessive TV, or abusive substances. But the answer to this dilemma does NOT lie outside your relationship. It lies within it.
I'm not saying that you couldn't fall in love with someone else. You could. And TEMPORARILY you'd feel better. But you'd be in the same situation a few years later.
Because (listen carefully to this):
The key to succeeding in a Relationship is not finding the right person; it's learning to love the Person you found.
SUSTAINING love is not a passive or spontaneous experience. You have to work on it day in and day out. It takes time, effort, and energy. And most importantly, it demands WISDOM. You have to know WHAT TO DO to make it work. Make no mistake about it.
Love is NOT a mystery. There are specific things you can do (with or without your partner), Just as there are physical laws Of the universe (such as gravity), there are also laws for relationships. If you know how to apply these laws, the results are predictable.
Love is therefore a "decision". Not just a feeling.
Remember this always: God determines who walks into your life. It is up to you to decide who you let walk away, who you let stay, and who you refuse to let GO
End
When I read this, I just had to agree with it and I couldn't help it but post and share. The story explains one of the key beliefs that I hold about relationships - that it is about learning to love a person.
In the past, matchmaking is rife, but I am sure there will still be couples who love each other. The very basis of matchmaking is something that is an alien concept to us - or rather demeaning of us as "free individuals". Yet we have seen very resilient couples being formed despite them "finding" each other, albeit forcefully. I am unable to retrieve any hard evidence but I am sure personal anecdotes would show some proof - at least my grandparents do.
As I always believed, time is the true test of anything. If you think you are resilient and perseverant, how about achieving a 5-year goal? If you think your skills are good, how about achieving a consistent win streak in competitions?
Same goes to relationships. No relationship is stronger than a relationship that has withstood the test of time - quite a "duh" point. I won't proclaim that any relationship is strong, unless it has at least withstood 1 year. Don't ask me how I come up with that figure - I have witnessed relationships ending even after 3,4 years, but generally I won't be confident of a relationship until it has gone past the 1 year mark.
And this comes to the idea: I will always work towards it. Maintaining a relationship is not easy, it is easy at first, but that is not called maintaining. Maintaining the house is not to keep it spick and span after the first year, but to ensure cracks in the walls and pipe leakages are repaired in the next decades to come. Maintaining a relationship is keeping it alive after the initial bubbly feelings has died and subsided, when it is replaced by pure respect and love for each other, where you do not need to see the person daily to still feel loved by the person.
Finding the "right" person initially will help - she/he will give you the initial outburst of energy to start the flame going. But sometimes you might be blinded by the notion of "the right person" that you forget to really understand and get used to the flaws of that right person. Possibly you didn't know the person well enough, the person has passed your checklist of "rights" but you assumed you would be able to get pass his/her flaws. Furthermore, what you think is the "right person" now, may not be the "right person" in the future.
But there is not always the need to find the "right person". There will always be a mismatch with what you want, and what you will desire. Sometimes all you need to do is to grab the opportunity to love, because what I innately desire is for someone to love (and love me), not someone who can simply fit into that perfect image that I wanted.
Everyone has flaws, it is only how you make of it that is important. I have flaws too - I am too short, not that buff looking. I am not refined, not cultured. I am not outspoken enough to others, and may be careless with my words. I am a miser, and do not really relish in big social parties.
However, those are the surface flaws. What is more important is the character - for instance, are you open to learning? How able are you to separate between opinion and criticism? How willing are you to change? And more importantly, how can you complement him/her?
I may sometimes list the flaws about the person, but I feel glad when people point out my flaws. It means 1) the person observes me from a critical perspective and not simply through rosy glasses 2) the person is comfortable with me to share the true thoughts. Of course, some "flaws" might be a result of misunderstanding of the person, B might be quiet or reserved because of some untold history. C might be noisy because of minor ADHD.
But most important is to discuss these flaws with each other. When you discuss, you are breaking down any barriers, and letting each other know each other deeper and better. (and they make good conversational topics too) Of course don't neglect the positive side - people still like to be praised too!
When you get the person, everything else is secondary. Now you need to make it happen, and make it last. And I will make mine happen, and make mine last. All it takes is some effort and dedication. Only time will tell if I succeeded or not.
When you go to a theme park, would you
1) Quickly queue up for all the exciting rides possible as fast as possible?(assuming the queuing time is relatively short)
Or
2) Take your time to sit in all the rides?
Here are my thoughts
1) Pumped up in an adrenaline rush, many of us would take on this option. Anticipation has already been built up and bottled within us when planning for the trip, and wit's hen the opportunity comes, you would simply just want to try as much as possible due to the excitement achieved ride after ride. It is an addictive feeling that you want to constantly experience, a fervour that you want to ceaselessly feel.
But once you tire out all your choices, you will be hit with the sudden realisation "what's next"? Because you have rode every ride in such fast, blinding speed, you have exhausted your options before you know it, and you are left with either riding the rides second round or simply going home. It's that crash that meets me all the time whenever I go to a theme park - what to do now that we have finished all the rides? This is usually a small dilemma which is countered by some other suggestion such as going to another theme park or going elsewhere for some meals.
2) You take your time to sit in all the rides, you are able to prolong your enjoyment for the entire day. You have this consistent level of excitement and enjoyment, but definitely lower than those in 1). As you purposely drag your timings between each ride you intentionally lose or suppress that adrenaline rush. You lose or lower the level of that craze most commonly experienced in 1).
Now juxtapose those 2 situations to situations in real life.
Yes it seems to be that debate of "fast crash" or "slow torture" (rat race vs stopping to smell the flowers).
But in this case, it's about something enjoyable. It's like food: there are 2 school of thoughts about eating good food. You either 1) eat it fast because it's so awesome and you want to just keep wolfing down morsels of that heavenly thing, or 2) eat it slowly because you want to slowly savour the awesomeness and you can't bear to actually finish it
I know my description of 2) is pretty short, but I think it should be succinct enough for you to understand.
Link this to situations like ...
Studies:
1) Crash mug one shot? But you get to "enjoy" your days more previously because you were not mugging
2) Study consistently. You enjoy your life lesser per day since you have to study each day.
Watching shows:
1) Watch all the episodes one shot? Once you finished with all the seasons you'll go "what's next"
2) Watch a set number of episodes daily so you will drag the season long haul - but you have to resist that temptation and feeling of anticipation for the next episode
There are many other situations other than those I have linked. I.E. love life, personal life, relationship with your friends...
Up for you to think through (:
Oh and I decide to try Georgia this time round. Or rather I like Georgia too, in case you are sick of Verdana (:
And times new roman still looks too ugly >.<
Dear fellow readers,
Sorry for a long wait D:
But thank you for your loyalty in regularly checking this place.
things have changed these days, but there's one thing that stands out:
"When you learn to like the person beyond what you dislike about the person, that's when you really learn how to see people in a better light"
Thinking about it, all of us have our flaws: I am probably too noisy (shout out too much and too fast without thinking), too crass or unrefined, too boastful and show off, too proud, too domineering in groups...
But learning to see my traits - I shan't put it down, for it is for you to judge what areas I am good at - would help shape your appreciation for me. Similarly, I am trying to do the same thing to others. By learning to look beyond the dislikes, you are cutting down dissent and making your relationship with the person much more blissful.
of course one must still know where is the fine line between acceptance and a need for change. We should not change who we are to fit others whim and fancy, but we shouldn't also be obstinate just to have our means all the time. It is all about give-and-take, and this is what makes strong relationships... strong!
I am sure I have typed this before, but this feeling just seems to keep replaying itself so many times I shall probably refresh my (and your) memory of it.
So this is the new year, a new academic year of 2013. (Of course you know this is considered AY 2012/2013, but whatever)
I foresee it's going to be tougher, now that there will be more events to juggle together with the same, if not more, workload as last semester.
However, what's different now is that you know your classmates better than last sem. You have spent 3 months with them already, you roughly know their personalities.
You also have personal experience with the style of REP - the relatively "JC" style, with the timetable and booklist thrust at you. The only thing that is really unique from our 12 years of education would be the fact I am staying in a hall? Probably.
This seems to be some motivational post of mine... probably it is. I have a GPA to improve, more friends to develop with and more dreams to realise.
Keep it up Kevin, let's go!
So 2013 has arrived.
My parents are asleep, the house is quiet ... so I shall have some quiet time doing some reflection.
There were 2 major events in 2012 - my job at Eden School and my matriculation into NTU. You can't really call 2012 a rollercoaster ride for me - there were some downs and ups but not anything as drastic as in 2011.
Eden School:
Opened my eyes up to the physically and mentally disadvantaged (no judgement made here). Worked with inspiring people who spent so much effort trying to teach these unique students. Taught me the idea of the benefits of "being purpose built", and of course good planning.
Met 5 other young girls whom you could say prepared me for my university life - after a 2 year hiatus from girls and studies. I doubt any of them read this blog, but I really do wish to keep close contact with them. They are full of energy and lovely to be with! (Why did I make myself sound so old?)
NTU:
So my 4.5 years of further education begins, following the footsteps of thousands of individuals vying for that coveted degree. Despite the lesser focus on results, I believe that paper qualifications still hold great relevance for me in the future. Besides, that degree is just one means to distinguish yourself from the others!
This also begins my life as a student, trying to be in the crowd. Trying to find my own identity. Trying to find things I like. Trying to learn new things. And last but not least, Trying to find the special people.
In every phase of your life, you will meet new people. You will have that new special friends, that close circle in that new phase of your life.
However, I have to ensure I do not forget my roots. It is a pity that with our new phases of life, those who were in your previous phases... get phased out.
I have to constantly remind myself to get in touch with them, it is some simple ways to keep the relationships alive.
There are several goals for 2013, and they are probably the same goals withstanding for quite some time (in no particular order)
1) My Guitar
2) First class Honours
3) Sports
4) Fully healed left arm
5) Dance
6) Catching up with old friends
7) Cooking new dishes!
8) and possibly getting a new flame
Good luck to me in achieving the list.
