Right Partner

If you have read this before on facebook, you can scroll down for my opinion:

AM I WITH THE RIGHT PARTNER?

During a seminar, a woman asked," How do I know if I am with the right person?"

The author then noticed that there was a large man sitting next to her so he said, "It depends. Is that your partner?" In all seriousness, she answered "How do you know?" Let me answer this question because the chances are good that it's weighing on your mind replied the author.

Here's the answer.

Every relationship has a cycle… In the beginning; you fall in love with your partner. You anticipate their calls, want their touch, and like their idiosyncrasies. Falling in love wasn't hard. In fact, it was a completely natural and spontaneous experience. You didn't have to DO anything. That's why it's called "falling" in love.

People in love sometimes say, "I was swept of my feet."Picture the expression. It implies that you were just standing there; doing nothing, and then something happened TO YOU.

Falling in love is a passive and spontaneous experience. But after a few months or years of being together, the euphoria of love fades. It's a natural cycle of EVERY relationship.

Slowly but surely, phone calls become a bother (if they come at all), touch is not always welcome (when it happens), and your spouse's idiosyncrasies, instead of being cute, drive you nuts. The symptoms of this stage vary with every relationship; you will notice a dramatic difference between the initial stage when you were in love and a much duller or even angry subsequent stage.

At this point, you and/or your partner might start asking, "Am I with the right person?" And as you reflect on the euphoria of the love you once had, you may begin to desire that experience with someone else. This is when relationships breakdown.

The key to succeeding in a relationship is not finding the right person; it's learning to love the person you found.

People blame their partners for their unhappiness and look outside for fulfillment. Extramarital fulfillment comes in all shapes and sizes.

Infidelity is the most common. But sometimes people turn to work, a hobby, friendship, excessive TV, or abusive substances. But the answer to this dilemma does NOT lie outside your relationship. It lies within it.

I'm not saying that you couldn't fall in love with someone else. You could. And TEMPORARILY you'd feel better. But you'd be in the same situation a few years later.

Because (listen carefully to this):

The key to succeeding in a Relationship is not finding the right person; it's learning to love the Person you found.

SUSTAINING love is not a passive or spontaneous experience. You have to work on it day in and day out. It takes time, effort, and energy. And most importantly, it demands WISDOM. You have to know WHAT TO DO to make it work. Make no mistake about it.

Love is NOT a mystery. There are specific things you can do (with or without your partner), Just as there are physical laws Of the universe (such as gravity), there are also laws for relationships. If you know how to apply these laws, the results are predictable.

Love is therefore a "decision". Not just a feeling.

Remember this always: God determines who walks into your life. It is up to you to decide who you let walk away, who you let stay, and who you refuse to let GO

End

When I read this, I just had to agree with it and I couldn't help it but post and share. The story explains one of the key beliefs that I hold about relationships - that it is about learning to love a person.

In the past, matchmaking is rife, but I am sure there will still be couples who love each other. The very basis of matchmaking is something that is an alien concept to us - or rather demeaning of us as "free individuals". Yet we have seen very resilient couples being formed despite them "finding" each other, albeit forcefully. I am unable to retrieve any hard evidence but I am sure personal anecdotes would show some proof - at least my grandparents do.

As I always believed, time is the true test of anything. If you think you are resilient and perseverant, how about achieving a 5-year goal? If you think your skills are good, how about achieving a consistent win streak in competitions? 

Same goes to relationships. No relationship is stronger than a relationship that has withstood the test of time - quite a "duh" point. I won't proclaim that any relationship is strong, unless it has at least withstood 1 year. Don't ask me how I come up with that figure - I have witnessed relationships ending even after 3,4 years, but generally I won't be confident of a relationship until it has gone past the 1 year mark.
And this comes to the idea: I will always work towards it. Maintaining a relationship is not easy, it is easy at first, but that is not called maintaining. Maintaining the house is not to keep it spick and span after the first year, but to ensure cracks in the walls and pipe leakages are repaired in the next decades to come. Maintaining a relationship is keeping it alive after the initial bubbly feelings has died and subsided, when it is replaced by pure respect and  love for each other, where you do not need to see the person daily to still feel loved by the person. 

Finding the "right" person initially will help - she/he will give you the initial outburst of energy to start the flame going. But sometimes you might be blinded by the notion of "the right person" that you forget to really understand and get used to the flaws of that right person. Possibly you didn't know the person well enough, the person has passed your checklist of "rights" but you assumed you would be able to get pass his/her flaws. Furthermore, what you think is the "right person" now, may not be the "right person" in the future.

But there is not always the need to find the "right person". There will always be a mismatch with what you want, and what you will desire. Sometimes all you need to do is to grab the opportunity to love, because what I innately desire is for someone to love (and love me), not someone who can simply fit into that perfect image that I wanted.

Everyone has flaws, it is only how you make of it that is important. I have flaws too - I am too short, not that buff looking. I am not refined, not cultured. I am not outspoken enough to others, and may be careless with my words. I am a miser, and do not really relish in big social parties.
However, those are the surface flaws. What is more important is the character - for instance, are you open to learning? How able are you to separate between opinion and criticism? How willing are you to change? And more importantly, how can you complement him/her?
I may sometimes list the flaws about the person, but I feel glad when people point out my flaws. It means 1) the person observes me from a critical perspective and not simply through rosy glasses 2) the person is comfortable with me to share the true thoughts. Of course, some "flaws" might be a result of misunderstanding of the person, B might be quiet or reserved because of some untold history. C might be noisy because of minor ADHD.
But most important is to discuss these flaws with each other. When you discuss, you are breaking down any barriers, and letting each other know each other deeper and better. (and they make good conversational topics too) Of course don't neglect the positive side - people still like to be praised too!

When you get the person, everything else is secondary. Now you need to make it happen, and make it last. And I will make mine happen, and make mine last. All it takes is some effort and dedication. Only time will tell if I succeeded or not.