Maybe I am actually a hardcore extrovert but I have yet to fully understand it.

From Carina:

Because coming back for people puts a lot of pressure on them, and it can sometimes be disappointing. You realise you're very dispensable. But it also teaches you to be okay. Be okay with the fact that friends, life and all that stuff you use to put so much emphasis on, is actually not that important, and things are fleeting/nothing but momentary.

Succinctly said (ok maybe not so "succinct" as defined by the word). 
But being "okay" is something that I have yet to gripe with. I can say it, I act it out sometimes. But at the very root of it, I still refuse to accept it.

I try. I try sometimes. I try all the time. But the very idea/notion of this just haunts me.

And when you see other people who seem to be "best friends forever", so close, so tight together, I just can't help but be green with envy.

Of course, I made my choices, I have to live with it. But then, when will I be actually "okay"?

And I have to stop "pleasing" everyone. It's really getting tiring. And yes, I am dispensable. But is there such thing as people "on your side"? Isn't it a fact that people will generally not be on my side? I mean, there are so many people more popular/skilled/awesome/funnier/less controversial.

Maybe I am actually a hardcore extrovert but I have yet to fully understand it.