New Project

We always point flaws of others, but we almost rarely tell them directly.

Heard this recently, and that set me into a thinking spiral: Why does this happens?

But fundamentally, even if there are flaws, what if we were simply ranting? Are we given this right to impose what we deem as correct upon others? Or do we, as friends and loved ones being 旁观者清 are able to see these "flaws" and hence rightfully point out in hope that the said person is able to grow and aware of the mistakes?

What things classify as mistakes, flaws, or simply idiosyncrasies?

Assume the above mentioned are cleared (meaning the "flaws" are pointed out with well-intention and they are objective and well-reasoned), why do we not tell people directly as often as telling everyone else but the person in particular?

Here are two main reasons: 1. Afraid of hurting feelings. 2. Afraid of ruining relationships.

But the underlying reason would probably be:
1. Fear of misunderstanding the person
2. Fear of backlash
3. We might want to "wait and see" and see if this flaw might actually be problematic or one-off situation

And when we do decide to tell the person about the flaw, we end up trying to be diplomatic and beat about the bush (or bushes).

Why then? Afraid the person can't take it? That's probably one of my greatest reasons for withholding my comments. Good thing is, as I type, things get clearer. 

It depends on how close you are to the person, but we should also take note that each other has the duty to not quickly jump to conclusions.
Pointing out flaws, in fact, do good to you. Failures are in fact the personification of "flaws" being thrown at you. Learn to take the criticisms, and then face it.
I think we assume too much that our friends have weak fragile hearts and our relationships are as brittle as glass, and hence try not to shake the boat.

What we can do is, when we point out the flaw, we should be objective and have proper reasons. And then offer to understand the other person's point of view. And let the other person decide whether to change or not.


My other project for re-connecting with people succeeded to a small extent last year. This time I shall recommence it once my HOCC (dance) ends, an activity that consumes so much of my time the return might not be that good....?

And this time, I am opening the doors, to discuss whatever is said earlier. Well I have already been opening doors... I shall market it again.
Hope to hear from you dear reader!