On Being Wrong: Clear Communication, Willingness to Step Back and Disclosed Intentions

Key takeaway
We usually make this 3 assumptions of people who disagree with us:
1. The ignorance assumption : The person is ignorant
and if we find out the person has the same facts as us
2. The idiocy assumption : The person is just plain stupid to understand the facts
and if we find out the person is not such an idiot after all

3. The evil assumption : The person has secret underlying motives


Wrong or right is all about the matter of perspectives, and see who is able to "argue" or "debate" and present more convincing and reasonable arguments. Usually between 2 reasonable and logical (I would like to clarify that tending to emotional aspects is itself a logical act too) parties matters would be clarified quickly and amiably.

This is when factors such as obstinacy, misunderstanding and undisclosed intentions mess things up, resulting in heated arguments and cold war. And both side would harbour those negative thoughts about the other party (that he is such an idiot) and him/herself (why won't people listen to me).


Time to practice clear communication, willingness to step back, and disclose my intentions.

Now I know why you decide to join HOCC/Hall Dance for 2 years

"Now I know why you decide to join HOCC/Hall Dance for 2 years" - Guo Wen

Immense pride, with that feeling "I feel you bro" convulsing throughout me. And this gladness to have another person be on the same page as I (and the rest) am.

From the spectated to the spectating, it is a different experience.

If you haven't been spectated before, spectating would only mean a certain thing. There's only so much you can comprehend and understand to the statement: "They have worked so hard for this performance". But once you have gone through the experience and then sit in the audience seat would you be fully aware of what goes behind the scene. The long arduous training for that 5-10 minutes of showtime.

The blood (hopefully no literal blood) and sweat spent in the times culminating to the performance itself is a challenge by itself. But nonetheless victory is sweet, when you reached the realisation that you have conquered all those seemingly endless trainings leading to late nights unwillingly burnt and homework dreadfully left undone.

But this is not only limited to dance.

Many at times, such huge events are like stories and movies. You spend a significant amount of time and effort building up to the climax, which only spans a fraction of the total amount of time/effort spent in the entire storyline. We can read like 10 chapters of build-up before the protagonist finally faces the antagonist and engage in an epic duel that last 1-2 chapters before your page says "The End".

But this is what makes life interesting. We need not always have interesting things everyday, but we should have interesting things to work towards to. Isn't that what we look forward to in life?

Anyway good job to those who danced their hearts out today. May you taste that bittersweet liberation from dance. (Ji Inn, Guo Wen, Nisha, Daniel, Agnes, Mong, Jerald, Jun Jie, Jia Hui, Wei Ming) Probably only 1 or 2 would read this, but that's fine (: support need not be broadcasted

Succinct rants

Communication is still key in whatever we do. Misunderstandings lead to presumptions lead to unnecessary conflict and chaos.
Have been experiencing this several times these few days, or maybe I am now more aware of this problem.


Self motivation: the resilience to push on despite external pressure or lack of support/recognition. I can't find any scenario in which my resilience was pushed beyond its limits - have I been living in a comfort zone?
Why should we bother in things that people don't? Self-worth? Self-improvement? Sometimes the person you have to impress is yourself.


Inspiration. We seek inspiration from each other as extrinsic motivation: "If he/she can do it, so can I" or "I want prove to XXX that I can do YYY". When there is lack of inspiration in the relationship, that's when it can go downhill as there is nothing to keep the relationship alive. Without inspiration, there's only the mundane rambling of life, no spark of yearning or drive to get better.


I remember reading a post (I think by Sean or Jia jun) that making oneself busy actually helps improve our time management skills because time is now a scarce resource, hence we are forced to utilise time well (this comes with a price that you sometimes cannot afford to be "spontaneous"). Now that I am "free", am I spending time as I should be? Maybe I should start making some plans for the examinations. Have to attain that score that I so desire, which sadly isn't translating into action.


I have been blessed to be given this semester to "chill out". I definitely have much more advantage in terms of "pre-knowledge", but I think I am getting too arrogant. Should exploit this advantage to explore more than I could in past semesters.

Communication

1. Don't expect mind readers
2. Don't expect to mind read
3. Clarify when in doubt, but maintain respect for each other - hence no flaming
4. Repeat step 3 until you are absolutely sure

So relieved today, at the cost of realizing how misunderstanding I was.
But what you do does not necessarily show what you think.


End of the day, communication and being adaptable. You need not change who you are, but you can adapt to the situation.

New Project

We always point flaws of others, but we almost rarely tell them directly.

Heard this recently, and that set me into a thinking spiral: Why does this happens?

But fundamentally, even if there are flaws, what if we were simply ranting? Are we given this right to impose what we deem as correct upon others? Or do we, as friends and loved ones being 旁观者清 are able to see these "flaws" and hence rightfully point out in hope that the said person is able to grow and aware of the mistakes?

What things classify as mistakes, flaws, or simply idiosyncrasies?

Assume the above mentioned are cleared (meaning the "flaws" are pointed out with well-intention and they are objective and well-reasoned), why do we not tell people directly as often as telling everyone else but the person in particular?

Here are two main reasons: 1. Afraid of hurting feelings. 2. Afraid of ruining relationships.

But the underlying reason would probably be:
1. Fear of misunderstanding the person
2. Fear of backlash
3. We might want to "wait and see" and see if this flaw might actually be problematic or one-off situation

And when we do decide to tell the person about the flaw, we end up trying to be diplomatic and beat about the bush (or bushes).

Why then? Afraid the person can't take it? That's probably one of my greatest reasons for withholding my comments. Good thing is, as I type, things get clearer. 

It depends on how close you are to the person, but we should also take note that each other has the duty to not quickly jump to conclusions.
Pointing out flaws, in fact, do good to you. Failures are in fact the personification of "flaws" being thrown at you. Learn to take the criticisms, and then face it.
I think we assume too much that our friends have weak fragile hearts and our relationships are as brittle as glass, and hence try not to shake the boat.

What we can do is, when we point out the flaw, we should be objective and have proper reasons. And then offer to understand the other person's point of view. And let the other person decide whether to change or not.


My other project for re-connecting with people succeeded to a small extent last year. This time I shall recommence it once my HOCC (dance) ends, an activity that consumes so much of my time the return might not be that good....?

And this time, I am opening the doors, to discuss whatever is said earlier. Well I have already been opening doors... I shall market it again.
Hope to hear from you dear reader!

Meritocracy will never be blind

I may be a happy, optimistic person, but this does not mean I am infinitely so.
There are simply so many reasons that I can use to justify and resolve the cognitive dissonance swirling in my head, and these reasons do run out. And when they do, that's when the problem sets in. Worst still, the problem will simply escalate, and when not kept in check by other reasons, that's when you get a breakdown.

This just shows one thing. Wherever you are, whatever you do, you must not only do your best, you MUST be the best, or at least outstanding with unique abilities. If not, unless you are happy staying as a another number, you will never feel satisfied. People will not purposely choose you, and odds will not be in your favour. 

There are only and very few things in life where meritocracy is blind.

Chinese New Year, a new look

After engaging in my annual war with dust for control over any surfaces in the house (which I gave dust 364 days in advance to prepare), I eventually maintain my defending champion title, but the victory was almost Pyrrhic. Dust quickly penetrated my defenses and made me a living wreck, virtually sick but not technically sick. I have now a running nose and feel like shit even though I don't think I am actually infected.

Nonetheless, whilst in that epic war, the lunar new year songs kept playing and advertisements proclaiming wishes of good fortune kept coming. And the economist in me questioned:

If everyone wished each other for good fortune, such as 恭喜发财, would that in effect mean anything at all? If everyone became rich, that would only result in inflation and no one will benefit from any gain in real income! $10 would probably become the new $1 if everyone wishes came true.

I pursued the idea further. So what wishes are more logical and sustainable to dish out? How would I know if a certain wish would be in effect something that actually helps not only the individual, but also society?
(This also led to a spin-off discussion of how wishes actually show how individualistic we are. We only wish for the person's welfare, but never keeping in mind that of society's. Of course, this argument would not hold if the said person being wished 万事如意 wishes to contribute to society)
And I eventually came to a conclusion, wishes for goods/services/anything that is not "economically defined" scarce will be the best wishes to make in benefit of the society. For instance, health. Health may be argued to be scarce (places to exercise is scarce, healthy food is also scarce), but I think we can somewhat agree that we can be healthy together. If we want to wish 马到成功 or 万事如意, we should add a modifier clause: only if you intend to help society. 

No worries, this argument is flimsy at best. I will still wish you 恭喜发财! (:

Happy Chinese new Year!

My limit

I suffer from this. But it is also from this that I try to attain perfection (or at least my own standard) in whatever I do.

I have been ingrained that there's always a "right way" to do something, such that I shy away from trying out other methods.

This cripples me, especially in my foray into music.
I have met people who told me to follow tabs, I find such form of learning guided and hence more comforting to me.

Then I start to hear the term "play by ear". I know the phrase very well, I understand the purpose, I understand the flexibility. But I am unable to execute it, at least in my quest to learn an instrument. It stresses me when I have nothing to follow, with the worry that my own concoction would not be good enough for other ears to hear. 

It's like, I both want my own style, but I still need a guide. But, I still have to try. Pain pain pain.

Note to self

New Year Resolutions

Note to self: 

1. 30 Cheap And Amazing Date Ideas For Couples

2. Trampoline Park

3. Use less "swear" words

4. Watch my tone: speak in a less condescending tone, sometimes good intentions may be masked by bad publicity

5. End my URECA with a bang!

Shall sticky this post for constant reminder (:

Expecto Patronum

To continue my Harry Potter geek-fan-mode,

was thinking about which spell can be applied into our lives, and no points for guessing what it is.

Let's list down some facts:
1. The patronus charm can only be cast by good people (we are good, ain't we. good in every sense of the word =P )
2. It can only be cast when you think of happy things, things that provide you with joy. 

When we are innately happy, or choose to remind ourselves of gleeful moments, we are inevitably protecting ourselves from harm: physical, mental and emotional.

3. It is one of the few ways to repel dementors, which in Harry Potter is, to me, an embodiment of fear, grief and sadness.

In dark times, sometimes when the situation in front of us seems to be hopeless and we feel useless, we must draw upon positive experiences to harness the strength to break free from those crippling feelings.

4. It displays your inner self, symbolised as an animal

Each of us are different in many ways, and this is evident in our actions and our beliefs. And who knows, a potential partner would have the same animal (but of the different sex) as you a la Snape?

Many at times we face grievous situations which would immediately draw a teardrop out of your eyelid, or cast despair over our souls and weaken our resolve to accomplish whatever we set out to do. However, many of us do not realise, or do not practice, casting the simple (although in HP's world the spell is said to be difficult xD) spell to protect yourself. Do you succumb yourself to the Dementor's kiss, or do you summon your courage and survive to fight another day?

I love drawing lessons and analysis, albeit far-fetched sometimes, from things I read and see and listen. This is one of them. And I hope we can all start of our Semester two on a high note. There will bound to be tribulations that we will face, and the journey will only get tougher and rougher. But keep up your determination and pride, and I hope to see you at the end of these trials!

Once again, thanks to your support! And yea, Yufei! Haha no worries I didn't neglect you (:

P.S. Mine is a stag. Is yours a doe?  Find out! :O