Political Ideologies

Was rummaging through, or rather packing, my old notes and I found this "idiot's guides to the various political ideologies in the world" - in form of cows. No, that's not the title of the work, but rather what I think it is :)


I think reading this can give you a basic understanding of the different ideologies - or it can be fun reading when you have nth to do.


Scenario: You have 2 cows (unless otherwise stated)
Communism: You give both cows to the government, the government sells you some milk.
Socialism: You give both cows to the government, the government gives you some milk (take note the difference)
Nazism: The government shoots you and takes both cows.
Fascism: You milk both of them and give the government half the milk
Capitalism: You sell one and buy a bull.
Bureaucracy: At first the government regulates what you can feed them and when you can milk them. Then it pays you not to milk them. After that it takes both, shoots one, milks the other and pours the milk down the drain. Then it requires you to fill out forms accounting for the missing cows.
Bureaucratic Socialism: The government takes them and puts them in a barn with everyone else's cows. They are cared for by ex-chicken farmers. You have to take care of the chickens the government took from the chicken farmers. The government gives you as much milk and as many eggs as the regulations say you should need.
American Democracy: (Assuming you have no cows) The government promises to give you 2 cows if you vote for it. After the election, the president is impeached for speculating in cow futures. The press dubs the affair "Cowgate"
British Democracy: You feed them sheeps' brains and they go mad. The government does nothing.
Singaporean Democracy: The government fines you for keeping 2 unlicensed farm animals in an apartment.
Hong Kong Capitalism: You sell three of them to your publicly-listed company, using letters of credit opened by your brother-in-law at the bank, then execute a debt/equity swap with associated general offer so that you get all 4 cows back, with a tax deduction for keeping 5 cows. The milk rights of 6 cows are transferred via a Panamanian intermediary to a Cayman Islands company secretly owned by the majority shareholder, who sells the rights to all 7 cows' milk back to the listed company. The annual report says that the company owns 8 cows, with an option on one more. Meanwhile you kill the 2 cows because feng shui is back. (I am serious no mistakes here when typing)
Feminism: They get married and adopt a veal calf.
Surrealism: You have 2 giraffes (not cows). The government requires you to take harmonica lessons. (Yes again, I am serious)


Oh apparently, that is in fact a satirical commentary by this professor named Gus Dicomitis, ok not like we bother.


Enjoyed it? I did :)