argh..

what a long term post drought...

so many changes have happened so far, so many things, so little time to sit back and absorb and ruminate over all these.. and since I have the time now, why not just pour some of my thoughts into this penseive?

1. an economics theory of "best fit vs most capable" seemed also to be in the focus when it comes to getting scholarships, jobs and higher education. but is it me who is in fact incapable, or merely not fitting to the job? if I am indeed not fitting, then what on Earth is fitting to me in the first place?
2. realising how sad my life is inside tekong, where others have opportunities to participate in NDP, real overseas exercises and so forth.. and me I will be teaching the same things, doing the same admin, and not really having enough time or it is just inappriopriate at this time to really make friends/understand what other people are... anyone can enlighten me on how to make BMT life more interesting and colourful?
3. i have been sorely lacking in social and other aspects of life in my primary school and secondary school. wow i was like this total nerd in class, doing all the computer thingy, and heck caring about other non "academic" or non "sciency" things like playing instruments or even cool things like dance... I so want perform those dances or play instruments now but just can't muster the time and ability to.
i don't know if its just me, but socially i am pretty much inactive? or maybe that's how i work?
4. is my work-life-relationship balance in order? am i putting too much to my work? or am i putting too much on my own life, neglecting my relationships? i want honest feedback, but it is just so hard to get any answers without having it to be sugarcoated

5. what in the world do I want to do with myself in the future? seriously...

6. who is reading this anyway? are the intended people reading it? or not. and if not, what does that tell me, is my desired relationship with these people a one-way street instead of a reciprocated one?


argh... 真烦恼..