More firsts, and a hydra

More firsts to come, but some are "lesser firsts" since I have experience in such events/activities, but not in the same scale/magnitude:

• Engaging an external agency to plan teambuilding activities for an event: gone are the days where the team personally executes the activities, we pay someone else to do these things for us
• Staying in a local hotel (Sheraton)
• Helped organise a non P&G activity (Human Library Singapore) as a working individual
• Signed up for fitness membership at Fitness First: I never thought I would do this, like I used to have so many fitness options and I rather play sports. But the convenience of the gym, and the relative inaccessibility (it's quite hard to get interested individuals and amenities) to sports as a working individual tipped me to making this first step

There would definitely be more firsts to come. I guess I'm like a level 50 in vanilla World Of Warcraft now, close to lvl 60 to reach end game content. Hmm... when I would reach lvl 60?

Still liking my job, firefighting problem solving everyday. Keeping me on my toes. Issues are like hydras. Chop one off and 3 more sprout in its place. However, this hydra is also slightly more special:

• Leave one on and 3 more would also sprout beside it. 
• Some heads won't bite immediately, but would hide from you and bite you in a few months' time

And it's very easy to get lost into the operational work, as colleagues have warned. And there're so many things to take note of, sometimes all you want to do is just do your job and not care too much.

Oh, and key statistics:

Weight: 56 kg

Height: 161 cm

BMI: 21.6

% Body Fat: 16.2% 

Guess it's real time to hit the gym, or rather to hit the road/pool and run/swim. The fitness trainer (I get 2 free sessions) mentioned that I need more muscle. Definitely~

Succinct rants

Communication is still key in whatever we do. Misunderstandings lead to presumptions lead to unnecessary conflict and chaos.
Have been experiencing this several times these few days, or maybe I am now more aware of this problem.


Self motivation: the resilience to push on despite external pressure or lack of support/recognition. I can't find any scenario in which my resilience was pushed beyond its limits - have I been living in a comfort zone?
Why should we bother in things that people don't? Self-worth? Self-improvement? Sometimes the person you have to impress is yourself.


Inspiration. We seek inspiration from each other as extrinsic motivation: "If he/she can do it, so can I" or "I want prove to XXX that I can do YYY". When there is lack of inspiration in the relationship, that's when it can go downhill as there is nothing to keep the relationship alive. Without inspiration, there's only the mundane rambling of life, no spark of yearning or drive to get better.


I remember reading a post (I think by Sean or Jia jun) that making oneself busy actually helps improve our time management skills because time is now a scarce resource, hence we are forced to utilise time well (this comes with a price that you sometimes cannot afford to be "spontaneous"). Now that I am "free", am I spending time as I should be? Maybe I should start making some plans for the examinations. Have to attain that score that I so desire, which sadly isn't translating into action.


I have been blessed to be given this semester to "chill out". I definitely have much more advantage in terms of "pre-knowledge", but I think I am getting too arrogant. Should exploit this advantage to explore more than I could in past semesters.

New Project

We always point flaws of others, but we almost rarely tell them directly.

Heard this recently, and that set me into a thinking spiral: Why does this happens?

But fundamentally, even if there are flaws, what if we were simply ranting? Are we given this right to impose what we deem as correct upon others? Or do we, as friends and loved ones being 旁观者清 are able to see these "flaws" and hence rightfully point out in hope that the said person is able to grow and aware of the mistakes?

What things classify as mistakes, flaws, or simply idiosyncrasies?

Assume the above mentioned are cleared (meaning the "flaws" are pointed out with well-intention and they are objective and well-reasoned), why do we not tell people directly as often as telling everyone else but the person in particular?

Here are two main reasons: 1. Afraid of hurting feelings. 2. Afraid of ruining relationships.

But the underlying reason would probably be:
1. Fear of misunderstanding the person
2. Fear of backlash
3. We might want to "wait and see" and see if this flaw might actually be problematic or one-off situation

And when we do decide to tell the person about the flaw, we end up trying to be diplomatic and beat about the bush (or bushes).

Why then? Afraid the person can't take it? That's probably one of my greatest reasons for withholding my comments. Good thing is, as I type, things get clearer. 

It depends on how close you are to the person, but we should also take note that each other has the duty to not quickly jump to conclusions.
Pointing out flaws, in fact, do good to you. Failures are in fact the personification of "flaws" being thrown at you. Learn to take the criticisms, and then face it.
I think we assume too much that our friends have weak fragile hearts and our relationships are as brittle as glass, and hence try not to shake the boat.

What we can do is, when we point out the flaw, we should be objective and have proper reasons. And then offer to understand the other person's point of view. And let the other person decide whether to change or not.


My other project for re-connecting with people succeeded to a small extent last year. This time I shall recommence it once my HOCC (dance) ends, an activity that consumes so much of my time the return might not be that good....?

And this time, I am opening the doors, to discuss whatever is said earlier. Well I have already been opening doors... I shall market it again.
Hope to hear from you dear reader!

Expecto Patronum

To continue my Harry Potter geek-fan-mode,

was thinking about which spell can be applied into our lives, and no points for guessing what it is.

Let's list down some facts:
1. The patronus charm can only be cast by good people (we are good, ain't we. good in every sense of the word =P )
2. It can only be cast when you think of happy things, things that provide you with joy. 

When we are innately happy, or choose to remind ourselves of gleeful moments, we are inevitably protecting ourselves from harm: physical, mental and emotional.

3. It is one of the few ways to repel dementors, which in Harry Potter is, to me, an embodiment of fear, grief and sadness.

In dark times, sometimes when the situation in front of us seems to be hopeless and we feel useless, we must draw upon positive experiences to harness the strength to break free from those crippling feelings.

4. It displays your inner self, symbolised as an animal

Each of us are different in many ways, and this is evident in our actions and our beliefs. And who knows, a potential partner would have the same animal (but of the different sex) as you a la Snape?

Many at times we face grievous situations which would immediately draw a teardrop out of your eyelid, or cast despair over our souls and weaken our resolve to accomplish whatever we set out to do. However, many of us do not realise, or do not practice, casting the simple (although in HP's world the spell is said to be difficult xD) spell to protect yourself. Do you succumb yourself to the Dementor's kiss, or do you summon your courage and survive to fight another day?

I love drawing lessons and analysis, albeit far-fetched sometimes, from things I read and see and listen. This is one of them. And I hope we can all start of our Semester two on a high note. There will bound to be tribulations that we will face, and the journey will only get tougher and rougher. But keep up your determination and pride, and I hope to see you at the end of these trials!

Once again, thanks to your support! And yea, Yufei! Haha no worries I didn't neglect you (:

P.S. Mine is a stag. Is yours a doe?  Find out! :O

Quick glance for 2013 in review

Going off for a game of basketball soon, but while I am waiting why not relieve this blogging hiatus of mine?

An eventful year, it really is; with new experiences and new friends.

Let's try to start off chronologically... as much as I can.

I met her. Someone whom I personally pledge I would love, not neglect and treasure, not spoil. I thought it would be really hard for me to get another, since I was "unwanted", and I was probably not the funny, fun-loving yet sensitive person like many others. I was the overly serious, can't-take-jokes and constantly put on a face of being owed a million dollars. I am still learning how to develop the relationship, balancing my priorities, but also maintaining my own identity - in the past I was so overly engrossed with my relationship I neglected my personal life (other than studies), it was terrible.


There was HOCC, the ultimate dance competition in NTU between all the halls. The competition was only half the story, the jubilation of finishing the routine, the satisfaction of actually remembering all the moves, and the pride of showcasing our 1 month+ long worth of effort. The other half was the commencement of a stronger relationship with the dancers. Looking back, we have understood each other better, felt more comfortable with each other and that's where the true colours appear. Some have commented how I have changed from last year, becoming more troll this year =/ It makes me wonder, how long does it take for people to truly open up.
My dancers are truly one bunch. They may not be the most compatible, they may have their own faults and their own worries. But we share and love good company. The feeling of completing something together is sometimes so immense it bonds us. However, not everyone will be bonded, but at least we feel more open to each other.


Drumming lessons and the beginning of other spin off hobbies. I probably went through another round of self actualisation and discovery. I do love music, although I am certainly not good with music. I can't sing, nor can I compose or even play music. But I have my own pattern, and my own tune, and I play my own band in my head. I pride in being able to recognise most songs that I have with me after hearing just around 5 seconds? Of course I'd reckon many others are able to do so, but I shall treat it as my own little achievement.
Nonetheless, the drumming lessons provided two .. benefits (I don't know how to call it):
1. Provided some roomie time out of the room - Discovered although we don't know anything in the world, we kind of catch things quickly and we just simply love having fun even if we don't foresee ourselves using that in the future
2. Discovered my love for music - Nope, I won't make music as my career, but I realised how fun it is to split a song into its components and listen to the various layers. Although I won't especially go out/drop my current commitments to practice music, fiddling with music is at least part of my "to-do-when-I-am-bored" list. Yep, guitar / drums let's go! 
Another hobby: Learning French. Yep, it is fun to learn a language, and more fun when you are really learning it at your own sweet pace. Of course it may not be the most efficient way or effective way to learn, and I might be probably wasting more time, but hey it's still learning no? I never know when I can use it, but learning new things is always better isn't it?


Becoming a senior. This is probably the 3rd time I had the feeling of being a senior. Firstly in my secondary school CCA, then in JC and now in uni. Becoming a senior is like this "coming of age" thing. Now that you know the system, you are used to the way things work here. And it's interesting to watch the starry-eyed juniors coming in with their fresh slate of mind. The trepidation, hesitation, nervousness, excitement and passion that usually come packaged with them is so refreshing. I have always liked to teach and share my opinions (sometimes too much haha). Furthermore, being a senior and knowing the system means things are probably done more efficiently and time is saved on having to figure out cumbersome administrative work and effort is spared on assignments that are not numerically significant - if not graded, it's ok to slack. And of course, we all learnt that nothing in university is "compulsory", unless when it comes to prerequisites for courses and grades to graduate.


Becoming more aware of my friendships - and concretizing some. I am really glad for the people around me. Not everyone might be a good friend, but I can always be a person to open to. I wish to reinforce some of the closer friendships I have, whilst opening and developing new ones. It will be tough, and it will be time consuming. This is a shoutout to the 4 other musketeers who frequent the class table with me. They have suffered from my incessant chatter, ludicrous comments and unrefined behaviour, but they are still surviving at the table and (probably) happily staying there and entertaining me nonetheless. They have a good balance of fun and study, something which I appreciate. I do take my studies a bit more seriously and I place higher importance in attending and participating in classes. There is always room for improvement, and I hope to inspire and improve all those around me. And I do hope to carry such relationships beyond university life, and integrating them with my own personal life.


Participating in new activities I wouldn't have reasonably foreseen in the past.
1. F1 pit walkabout
2. Driving into Malaysia all the way to Taman Negara
3. Building a submarine (which kinda failed but it was fun nonetheless)
4. Going Bangkok with my parents and my dancers - and learning how to be more "loose" with my wallet
5. Attending my first ever church service (and seeing someone in action)
6. Removing my metal plate from my arm (I'm no longer wolverine D: )


I am hoping to be someone more sensitive, yet still being down-to-earth and pragmatic. I still staunchly believe in pragmatism, but I see that pragmatism is not the way to go in some occasions. In fact, adaptability is a far greater and superior trait than pragmatism. We should acquire and learn as many skills as possible, so as to increase our adaptability to situations; such that when faced with a situation, we are able to increase our options. Never should we pick a decision simply because it is "impossible", but rather "I can do it but I rather do something else". For instance, we can be thrifty, but we should also learn to be able to get clothes that fit us and know which clothes are of good quality. I was the former, but never the latter. I knew how to save, but at the expense of my inadequate knowledge in fashion and dressing myself up to look good. Of course we shouldn't be spending too much on clothes, but I was unable to even make myself look good in the first place. Now I would say I know a thing or two in dressing up, but at the same time I know when to save and when not to be so stingy with the cash.
Furthermore, I want to change the way I speak. Many at times my voice do not match my intentions, and my tone might intimidate people instead of encouraging them. I have to be practical, yet not be too harsh demoralizing. I have to also not judge people on the fly, and always try to understand the root causes of certain decisions. Remember, assume the goodness in others. Even if people ask questions which I think are silly or have a rhetorical question, either I am so obvious I am trolling or I answer the question without adding any form of judgement in my reply. Don't assume that people know what you know, and don't always be trolling people, sometimes it pisses people off.

There are many things that are, and will be, new to me. Especially with the other sex. As I used to commonly quip, "Girls are mysterious creatures that men constantly try to, but fail, to understand" (hey this is my own personal quote in the past haha), I am learning how girls tick. At the same time I must decide when I should give in, and when I should affirm my stand. 

Again, I would like to take this opportunity to thank those at my table: Joan, Ji Inn, Clarice and Sean for tanking my eccentricities during class.
Thank you Sean for all your insights you shared with me.
Thank you Ji Inn and Clarice for not making me feel lonely during Creative Writing class.
Thank you my readers for ... reading; it touches me to know that you read my blog, as I see it as an effort taken to understand me beyond the classroom. 
I know this seems to be so REP-ish, and so here are more kudos:
Thanks to my primary school gang for still being with me, especially my basketball gang (although they probably won't read this), for providing me with sports and tanning opportunities on Sundays
Thanks Hong Rui for just accompanying me (:

And thanks to my parents for providing me with my allowance! Haha joking, and much much much more than that.

While waiting ..

While waiting for my 11MB poster to be rendered and saved by my computer, I went some internet trawling and came across this.

The Wife List: 10 Qualities

Of course we should not turn people into walking checklists, but also look whether they have the potential to do so.

In fact, end of the day, I feel I can sum it up again to self confidence.

Nonetheless, there was one striking line that reverberates with one of my own ethos: 

Marriage is a joining of two lives that existed prior to meeting the other person.

My version: I love you not for you to become Kevin's girlfriend (proof I am straight xD), but I love you because you are .


And interestingly, the author's wife made the female version of the checklist, and curious me went to take a look. 

The Husband List: 12 Non-Negotiables

Strip away her religious tendencies, I agree the characteristics that she is looking for are characteristics that will lead to a stable and sustained relationship. 

Definitely, everyone is a work in progress, hence if I could add one more point, it would be: They should have a learning and never-say-die spirit. 


Remember, this is not about "ticking off mental checklists" when you find a person of the opposite sex. Even if someone lacks some, enlighten him/her and bring him/her on a journey where both of you can improve each other.

Being adaptable and I don't know what to do

Being adaptable is really the key to success these days.

It's not about being the smartest, or the fastest, but whether you give yourself the option to do whatever the situation requires you to do.

You get fit not only because you look better or can run/jump/swim faster, but because it gives you more options to
1. try other sports/games
2. literally escape from danger

There are always weaknesses to everything (in the process of being fit you might injure yourself and make yourself worse), but being adaptable means you have means to counter these weaknesses whenever you need to. 

For example, gazelles can run long distance (they can sustain a longer distance than cheetahs) but do not have the option to sprint short distances (which cheetahs are famous for), this makes them less adaptable as they are unable to "switch" modes of running if they need to.

Here's a more relevant analogy. You may be the most diplomatic person around the class likes you, but inevitable there will be people in the future whom you will meet that will take advantage of your diplomacy. Are you able to switch to a more aggressive stance to get what you want? If you can, then good you are adaptable. But converse is also true, if you can't, you are not adaptable and will be subjected to abuse (and you will feel helpless about it because you will be wondering why your diplomacy doesn't work at that moment).

And here's a tip to the usual complaints of "I don't know what to do":

If you find yourself in a situation facing a project/term paper/written report that you claim you have no idea what to do, imagine yourself in a situation where you are given 10 minutes to come up with anything linked to the theme in question otherwise you'll get shot/killed/mauled/decapitated/tortured/maimed (assuming these are treatments you don't want to get).

I think you would have probably come up with 1 idea by now. Work on that idea, brainstorm and apply that scenario again until you have a sizeable amount of ideas.


Enjoy school!

Thought Catalog Strikes Again.. Hot

14 Of The Most Powerfully Hot Qualities People Can Have

Again, Thought catalog strikes.

But this is different from the usual love story based articles found in traditional Thought Catalog fashion, it's about being yourself.

Yes, ultimately you want to get a good partner (and be a good one too). But like the old cliche saying goes, if you cannot even take care of yourself, how can you take care of others?

Of course, being a humble bragger, I would say I exhibit some levels of each of the 14 points, but definitely still a work in progress.

I recommend, exhort if you want, you to read through and reflect on yourself.
If I were to sum up the article, it is about self-confidence, and being optimistic.

"Happiness can be found, even in the darkest of times, if one only remembers to turn on the light" 

Got inspired.

Paradoxically, the only logical way to solve irrationality is by using irrationality, instead of rational means.

Still learning, I am.
Reflect on my paradigm,
If I want to help,
Help should be tailored to her (him)
Not based on my views,
But on the person herself.

Awkward haiku-burger is awkward. But u get the picture. I think.

Edit: If you realised, I edited my Out links -->

Would like to emphasize a thought again, something that makes sense and I wonder why I didn't think of it:

If you want to help someone or make someone feel good, make sure the person gets helped. There's really a time and place for everything, no use trying to help a person who does not intepret your actions the way you do, you only end up making the rift between you and him/her worst.

Random #1

#Warning: this will be a relatively disjointed post, compared to my other posts#

It just makes me feel so good, when someone initiates a random conversation with me just to share with me something random about his/her life. And I appreciate every bit of it.

Sadly, I myself am unable to carry on conversations.

Thinking back about me in class, maybe I am actually an introvert, but I act as if I am an extrovert because I want attention. But put me on a bus with a friend most likely the friend will end up getting bored (if he/she is looking for a conversation)

Somehow there are a million voices talking in my head, scrolling through all the thought catalog and random inspirational/humblebrags that I have read. But I realised they are actually largely contradictory in concept. The most important thing is where to draw the line.
For instance, we want to be ourselves, but if we simply be ourselves we will also impose upon others.


I need to learn to work with people of different personalities. And not misintepret things. But if I just take things at surface value, I become "insensitive". Oh my god...

And I have to reevaluate my commitments. And what factors should I take into account to do this reevaluation?

The Trouble with Bright Girls

Stumbled upon this post, and got really enlightened. A logical piece that could potentially explain some of my concerns:
The Trouble with Bright Girls

Excerpt: How often have you found yourself avoiding challenges and playing it safe, sticking to goals you knew would be easy for you to reach? Are there things you decided long ago that you could never be good at? Skills you believed you would never possess?

I really recommend all my female friends (and male friends included, it may even apply to you despite the target gender of the article) to have a good read with it.
I would really love you, my reader, to read it. And to read it good. Read and reflect. Personally, there are several elements in it that I agree with, and that I am guilty of. But do not have any negative thoughts on yourself. Change them into motivation, pure motivation.

If you do read my blog, and I know it, I would want you (J,C,J) to read. I just feel that tagging you on facebook would just demean this post, and sending you this link while you are in class would not solicit the right amount of respect for this article.

2 key ideas

These few days have made me wonder about my own personal beliefs, and also brought upon me the idea that once we hit a certain age, our own beliefs and thinking has almost been set in stone (unless a super strong wind is able to pick it up and fling it)

Hence I think it is only right to make my own ideas (or whatever I can think of now) concrete.
I like making analogies, and my recent reply to Sean's post (I can't hyper link because I'm typing from my phone) + some other recent posts brought about the idea of interaction, and my subsequent use of the interaction analogy.

We only have so much limited information about each other. We have only this amount of memory space that can store certain amounts of information about each other. Hence it is only natural for us to assume things about others since we base our judgement on whatever limited information we have. Furthermore, over time, as new experiences and information enters our mental hard drive, some preexisting data may inadvertently get over written, hence causing us to "forget" certain things about others.

Assuming kind intentions, we shouldn't be particularly disappointed if people do forget things about us. You have to see the amount of interaction you have with the person to make the judgement. Why blame someone for forgetting you had a girlfriend if the last time you have interacted with him was years ago? Even if you do interact with the person, did you give him the necessary information?
At the very least, we should be thankful if people do ask about you. This is what matters more, the initiation to know about you. At least he makes an effort to try to remember you.

Another principle I have is feedback. We all want feedback, but sometimes we are also afraid of the painful truths. We like hearing praises but criticism etches deep in our hearts. We continually self reflect until the point of despise if we keep hearing criticism, hence as nice people we try not to be "mean" and not tell people off. Of course there is a tolerance level we should all have, but when was the last time did you have a serious talk about your actual behavior? We can be nice and diplomatic in our packaging, but has any actual content been passed? Maybe sometimes in a serious talk we should not play so nice and sometimes say the real feedback.

And why do people like to talk about others but not to the person in question directly? Once or twice for ranting or venting frustration is fine, but if it's a "chronic" thing, aren't you unfair to the said person? You are complaining about a person but you don't give him a chance to reform. Even if you for try to have subtle hints, how about simply going to the person and talking face to face? It's "fun" and OK to be the one gossiping, but the one being gossiped? I doubt so. He will simply do it again and again (probably annoying things) because he does not know how it affects you!
Of course, if you have done your part and talked to him or communicated with him (I meant actual words not insinuation), and he doesn't change, that is a different matter. Maybe you might know the reason for his doing, and probably it won't be so bad after all. ultimately, assume kind intention.

Lastly, I am thankful for friends who have been entertaining me and trying to reach out to me. I apologise that I am sometimes not free to reciprocate your offers. (Don't go into business law mode Thank you very much)
I am also trying to balance out my relationships. Have to keep maintaining contact with my friends, because I don't want to lose them either. It will not be an easy task, but it will be worthwhile.

My post may sound angsty, but mark my words, my door is always open for communication.

Ode to you, my reader

So now the examinations are over.
Had a blog post in mind but somehow couldn't get it out of my head, probably my brain is still processing and searching for that mental draft. I think I need to install JARVIS into my head as well.

Went for the Fe man movie with the dancers, quite a good movie, worth watching. Enjoyed the graphics (and omg the dolby surround sound) and the A class acting. Robert Downey Jr. could really portray the narcissistic Tony Stark together with the problem that sporadically haunts him. However, as usual there were a number of plot holes or "quick cover ups" to end the story - but that's fine with me. I go to a cinema to be entertained, not to challenge everything I see.
And ... once I reached home and I read up on the actual characters portrayed in the movie... and kinda got disappointed again. But well, it is a "movie adaptation" and not a "movie on the actual story". Ok shan't spoil the story to my readers. 

But what I liked about Iron Man was this subtle raising of the issue of technological advancement. In our quest for betterment of our lives, we create technology that would help us, but which could also potentially harm us. The very creation of E______s would help us biologically as human beings, but when misused in a military context it could be potentially problematic. Also imagine if Tony Stark suddenly got mind controlled by some super villian, won't the Iron Man be a threat to the world then?
So as scientists, how far should we pursue our dreams? Only to create something that could be potentially rewarding, both in good and bad?

After that we went to Cold Stone. And this is my first time going there. Haha there's a reason why I label myself as a "tourist in Orchard Road". Ok la, I know where the Cold Stone is in Orchard Central, and I do know its existence, but I never actually entered and ate their ice cream before. Pardon my ignorance (:
But we had a nice little chat, nothing deep, but still updating each other on the teeny bits of things we did just after Thursday. (lol, ok it's only like 1 day but still alot have been done.. in terms of laziness)


===============================

But yep examinations are over! I owe myself a recollection and summary of this entire academic year of reflections. 

*shall take a shower before continuing*
*back, switches on Kevin Kern music*

So one year as a university undergraduate has simply slipped away. Metaphorically alone now, listening to soothing music, and immersing myself in the buzzing world of crickets - just like I was in hall. Even more striking (I just realised), is that the window is to the left of me now, exactly the same way I am positioned in hall.

Hall has been a fantastic place for me to be in. Other than having a new, separate social circle (I think we have discussed about this before, the benefits of having a separate social circle, although the hall social circle is partially fused but still I can consider it almost separate from the circle in school and outside school), Hall provided an immense level of convenience and independence. Although I am still technically in Singapore and have the luxury of a 24/7 response hotline that I can dial in case I meet any difficulties, I told myself never to use that hotline other than to update them on me being safe and enjoying my time in hall. I think I got this bug from the army, but I can't help but smile at the idea of being able to stay by myself (or with an awesome room mate like whom I have presently), and "visiting" my parents on the weekends. I can even regard this as an early opportunity to be "post marriage living away from the parents" kind of thing, getting to experience first hand what it's like to be alone. (Maybe my roomie can turn into a girl or something)

-

School in general was ... wait for it... fun! Personally I do not really understand all the hate and disgust for it. Or maybe this sense of hopelessness and despair when studying for it. However, please do not instantly think of it as "because you (Kevin) are smart and you are not really facing problems hence you naturally find it easier and hence less stressed". But of course, I do still whine now and then, but wholeheartedly, I really like this course. Where in the world can you find a course that exposes you to so much breadth? Isn't it quite heartening, or proud-worthy that when your other friends from other faculties discuss things and you are mostly likely to at least understand something? Yes we are all suspicious or wary about how our degree will serve us to get our job in the future, but in the first place when deciding to accept this programme haven't you done your research? Oh my I really sound quite bitchy now, and my English is deteriorating. I am fine with some whining now and then but sometimes I get the impression some are really so sick of being in this course but are holding on because of their scholarships. It's one thing to let us know your sentiments and want to "htht" but infecting people with negative energy is certainly not a way to do so.

I personally had to struggle with some topics, as I was unable to wrap my mind around some concepts. Anyway the immense workload would have definitely moulded us into better learners. In JC, we had the luxury of time to keep practicing on the same type of questions, and anything we didn't know we could simply rinse and repeat until we were nearly perfect with it (less some careless mistakes). However here we lack this luxury of time. In fact we probably practiced less than 5 times for each sub topic (what the question is essentially testing you on) before having to take the examination. This kind of stress forces us to change our way of learning - from simply rote learning to real conceptual understanding. We have to also get used to not having this "yes I thrashed this question (again)" feeling after completing a certain question, but rather "I hope I did it right with whatever I know". I feel this is more accurate of the working world where there is no such thing as exercises or tutorials for you to bank on. You can make mistakes once or twice - those were your "tutorials". Any further mistakes that cannot be otherwise explained would probably result in severe penalties.

-

Friendship. I have come a long way since army days. Constantly reflecting on the relationships that I have. I dare say now I am proud to cast aside this "pathetic, friendless person who is not usually invited and always on the initiating end of every conversation that is non-academic". Even though I still do not get as much attention as I would have liked, but I am getting more used to it. I have learnt, and have to learn more on:
1. It's ok to not be in the know all the time
2. It's ok to not have people talk to you or confide in you, they are simply not that comfortable with you and that's fine.
3. It's ok to not go for all the gatherings that you are invited to, there's no need to be afraid of "being left out"
4. It's ok to have some relationships fizzle out, even no matter how much you try

*Shall pause for some gaming*

However I have gained some new friends whom I can really count to. I have definitely increased the number of friends to go to for fun, but for real serious talk where I do not have to worry about making the other person feel awkward, I have at least found one person to talk to.

I am really appreciative of all the efforts my new found friends have put in me. Like seriously. It really makes my heart glows that people still remember me and make time just for me:
1. Simply knocking on my door without informing me to ask me to join them for pizza they just ordered (dancers) 
2. Simply crashing my room now and then for no rhyme or reason other than to see my face (: (many many people, you know who you are. #1 crasher: Sean. Jia jun crashed too. Nicole crashed with cakes! Adi, Yanling, Khee Ern, Hui jie crashed after their project meeting. Clarice crashing with Joan just for random chat. Leon crashing in just to have a chat at block 53 lounge. Bowen came in just to look around my room. If you have crashed but not in the list, I am really really sorry >.< )
3. Searching my name up on urban dictionary because my name came across your mind to poke fun with (I'm fine with that it just feels great to be remembered)
4. Having surprise birthday celebrations (hall + dancers - omg i really didn't know how to thank them)
5. Having people wishing me birthday when I didn't explicitly put it up
6. Having people ask about my arm now and then to see if it still hurts. And I really like it when people ask to touch it haha shit dont judge thanks
7. Having people pat my shoulder or attempt to carry me and do some stunt or world wrestling federation move on me, like justin especially (because it feels so fun)
8. A group of friends I could really call upon to go around anytime like basketball or chill or game!
9. Having friends who could tell me right in my face some things they thought I could improve on, and are willing to listen to my explanation to know more about me.

I never thought uni would be so much more gratifying, at least for this semester compared to the semester 1. I don't know but I feel much .. happier? compared to when I was in JC and army and before that. Other than the innocent childhood I had in primary school that is.

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Joan. This short girl has taken me for a ride literally. Those who know would already know how different this girl is, where she asked instead of me. I did not have that much liking for her yet, but she took my heart. She's not the perfect girl that I want, well there's no one perfect enough for anyone. There are many "flaws" that I see in her, but those are simply what makes her so special. Even then, I myself am hopeless flawed, but also hopelessly smitten by her. Oh shit seriously this girl. Not only does she provide me with latest gossip (somehow she has a penchant to know about inside news hehe), she showers me with attention that I so greatly desire. I am also very thankful for her being able to pour out her feelings and problems to me, perfectly knowing how practical I am and probably too insensitive to provide her with any emotional relief. I yearned for company, and she fits into that role. She may not be as sporty as I would have wanted, she may not be a skirt-lover that I like, she may not be that perfect height (I think I'm the one with height problem D:), but she provides me with love and care and still some freedom for my own personal life. She trusts me despite knowing what a pimp I am, and she lets me go to have roomie time within pining for my attention. Even then, I am still not sure in what does she sees in me that she decided to even like me. Someone who is loud, noisy and relatively dense (everyone in the class knew but me lol what a loser)
Oh well, all the best to me and her. (:
Have to learn about her more, and she has to also learn about me hehe. No other way around it sorry!

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So yea, one year has passed by. I am deciding to go for the op to remove the splint, and to remove the metal in my body. Decided I am still young and shouldn't have any foreign thing stuck in my body, and now is the best possible time to do the operation. Opportunity cost? Loss of potential overseas trips and internship opportunities. But oh well, 3 months of slacking shouldn't make much an impact will it?

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So what shall I do in the holidays? Oh my so many things:
1. Train my LoL to awesome 31337 levels
2. Practice my guitar
3. Ensure my cousins improve in their subjects.
4. Train my cooking (:
5. Catch up with my old friends, I need a refresher course with them again! Cannot lose them!!!!

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Anyway, thank you blog readers. I really appreciate you guys/girls for taking the time off to read my blog. I take it as you are trying to get to know me better despite me not talking to like 99% to you guys in real life face to face. I know sometimes it's awkward but oh well. You guys could have spent the time reading my blog on probably watching other videos or doing other more useful things, but yea. For those who I know who read my blog, you probably don't know it but I am ready to talk anytime (: For those who I don't know yet and want to remain anonymous, no worries. I won't make an effort to find out who you are. That's what I told myself - at least that's if you don't come telling me that you read my blog la.

*Kevin Kern music still playing in background. Really awesome*

Time to sleep. Tomorrow gonna wake up for some awesome sporting action.
And I think I lost that bubble tea craze, probably thanks to exam.
And I spammed tags this time.
And thank you once more!

男人, 女人

Was reading something in Chinese, and came across this 2 phrases... nuff said

男人最骄傲的不是睡过多少女人，
而是能有一个女人愿意让他睡一辈子。

女人最骄傲的不是拥有多少男人，
而是她的男人愿意为他拒绝多少女人。

Actually I do kinda like to read Chinese (:

While drying my hair

Finally a chock-ful of my "have-to-do" list has been cleared :D
With two tests and a presentation set aside, now I can concentrate fully on my performance with Ji! I am really excited to how much my ability can be stretched (although I know it won't be great, but hey it is nonetheless a try!), knowing that I will probably not have such a rare opportunity in the future.

"We are both noobs, who would want us". Any kind soul might try to disapprove that statement, but hey practically I doubt we would have the opportunity for such things in the future.

This week has really been eventful, and my eyes have been opened to the inner workings and systems that have been going on within what may seem like an ordinary class. I have experienced how close friends do really care for each other, how they look out for one another, but sometimes some battles have to be fought alone. Friends can help provide you with motivation, morale support, some guidance on tactics or give you extra provisions, but ultimately you are the one who wield the sword and shield and slay that inner monster (or obstruction) of yours.

It is also interesting to learn more about your friends. Well I realised how my relationships with some people are improving, as a result of increased efforts by both sides.
Shall especially commend both hc guys for trying to spend more time with me, simple things like tagging me on Facebook (obviously mass tags ain't included), randomly striking conversations with me etc. I would love to spend more time to get to know them better. There are so many things I want to know more about them, and include them in my life!

Also I am slowly getting that awesome feeling of having some people I can turn to when I am bored. Like what some of my friends said (some even blogged about it!) it feels good to be able to just be yourself and don't give any shit about your image and you know they won't judge you severely just because you acted like a flirt or a retard. But what is more special is that want to share most things you find/do with these people. I can safely say that I am starting to really understand why tight groups form. Of course there is also a limit to how much you can play with feelings, and tensions do come about when primal things start to take over. But in the time being, I should enjoy and appreciate those who want to be with me (:

Ok it's time to sleep.
My hair is dried!

Love #1

Saw this from my friend's blog, just too good to pass it off as mere reading. Shall propagate these thoughts, which so happen to coincide with mine... 100%.

I think it’s critical for two people to understand each other’s heart and learn to accommodate each other’s differences rather than simply turning a blind eye or deaf ear ‘because I love him and that’s all that matters’. Because if two people are too different in the way they think, behave or live.. I reckon it will become a huge problem when the infatuation bubble bursts.


The soul aspect is when you start to see and want to share the rest of your life with this one other. And not in a clingy “I can’t live without you” way, but in a way that I can still live my life without you as I have before I met you, but now that you’ve come to exist in my life, I see the possibility of a life with you and now I actually want to make decisions and live a life, continuing to create more moments and memories together with you.

There's a fine line between clingy and loving / intimate. There are times where one should be "clingy" as this demonstrates this collapse of a physical barrier between the couple. This shows the want to be together and the importance one place on the other, since when you are clingy you actually "sacrifice" your own personal time and space to be with the person, it's akin offering yourself to the other person (minus the sexual connotations). Of course this should not be too much when it suffocates the other party and robs him/her of his/her own personal life.

One note to myself: You are loving the person, doesn't mean you own the person (contrary to what the popular statement of: You're mine).

Don't judge someone for what they can't, but what they can.

Was thinking about this line in the shower. Somehow it appeared in my mind as a culmination of several other perspectives that I had - whether this line has appeared before is nothing but a mystery to me. I know someone else has definitely said it before, but I can't remember seeing it.

This would make your opinion of people better. Yes I know it can be terribly biased and induces you into looking at the good side, but too often we criticise that we are unable to find any good sides.

Learn to find each other positive sides, and let the person work on those strengths.

I too have to start.