Upheaval Part 1

Part 1 of my upheaval.
Finished my essay so shall change my blog template to something more cheery and less moody.


Out from the dark into light.

Essay writing

My essay writing shall take a hiatus for now. It was fun while it lasted, but it was eating into too much of whatever time I have left.


There are 2 ways to look at it:
I am persistent and perseverant.
I am a stubborn failure.


Both are undeniable, aren't they?

Entertaining

Kevin Seng. Get a grip on yourself again.
Remember your post of revelations?


I think I need to add another point there. It surprises me to realise I missed that out. I will also update that post.

• People have their own lives. So entertain yourself. Including chatting.
  Don't expect others to worry or think about your plights and problems. Acting pity or displaying angst does correlate to increased attention, but it is not a direct relation - it is not a cause and effect. Having people to fret over you and show concern over you can give you loads of endorphins and is addictive, but make sure it does not lead to dependency. So whatever you have in your life, don't bother to announce it to the world and expect a reply. 

I realise I really like people to chat with me, and I like to chat with others. But I think this has become a hindrance and stumbling block for me...

Regarding Job Interviews

Came across an article talking about tough interviews.. and my greatest takeaway is this:

Swagger counts. The goal is not just to get the right answer, but to make it look easy. Great athletes do this naturally. Lately, job seekers are expected to do the same.

Seems like I have to do things another way. Be calm (:

read the article here
I think it will be worth your 5 minutes of reading.

INTJ 23rd March 2012

Personality changes.
I remember taking alot of such personality and self-awareness tests when I was in school, but sadly I have forgotten most of it.
I shall keep track of my personality changes (:
Anyway here it is for today 23rd March 2012

63% Introverted   vs 37% Extraverted
63% Intuitive       vs 37% Sensing
53% Thinking       vs 47% Feeling
63% Judging        vs 37% Perceiving

Revelations (Long one)

Went to NUS Open House 2012, which is (to me) eponymous to lots of goodies to take. I may sound like a practical unabashed about freeloading, but oh well don't tell me you won't take the things? Anyway, I only took from the booths which I visited - and this time round I had set my sights on solely a few - Engineering, Admissions and Overseas College. Ok enough of my "complicity", this is not the intention of my post.
After ruminating over some thoughts, being enlightened, pissing some off and thrown with dozens of perspectives, I have come up with some opinions that I shall live by. Some might be a surprise, some might be boring, some might make you go "why didn't you think of it earlier?" and some might obfuscate you. 

• It does not really matter if you fail in a selection.
  Yes it does show that you are unable to pass the interview, but hey, it could be that you are just not fit. Even if you sucked at the interview, no one in the future is going to directly pinpoint this failure.
• Know what you truly want.
  There are just so many things you can do in your quest for resume perfection or social life extension. But you only have 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, 52 weeks in a year. You cannot possibly expect to cram everything and still do well. This leads to the next point:
• The theory of opportunity cost is as real as it gets.
  You might yawn at the 2 words: opportunity cost. But on retrospect, it applies to you. Laugh at all those pictures that you see circulating on the internet regarding the life of university undergraduates while you still can. For once you are inside, you will determine your hands will be full with what. Make sure what you do is worth your time, and be able to fully reason with yourself in making the decision, which leads to the next point:
• Everyone has their own path to succeed, there is no need to follow others.
  A has done "this" and "that". This does not necessarily mean that if you never do "this" and "that" you will be shortchanged in life. By doing "this" and "that", you in fact want to signal to others that you have the ability to do some really good juggling and have awesome skills. So why not try "something else" instead? There will always be that "something else", you just have to find it.
• Specialising is more important than being a jack of all trades.
  In this era, it is about being exceptional in one field rather than spreading out your achievements. People are working in teams more, and they want something you have comparative advantage in. One first class honours is much more coveted than two second class honours, I can attest to that myself. It just shows that "Yes you are trying to attempt something difficult but it seems that you are unable to excel in it".
• When we say "make friends", you "make" friends, not friends "make" you.
  Do not expect people to come to you to socialise. If you think your network is small and you are not close to people, it is time to purge that pride and just initiate conversations with others. Others will always have their own schedules to meet and circles to entertain, you are just a contact in their contact list. So if you want to maintain contact, you take the initiative to maintain the contact. And while both of you are in the same activities together, cherish the times and make full good use of it to deepen the relationship. There is no use crying over split milk (or lost time). Once that activity ends, your level of friendship will either stagnate, or drop.
• You never know until you try.
  Self-explanatory. So what if you fail, experience is all you get. But make sure you put your 101% in whatever you do.
• Donor fatigue applies, even to your closest friends.
  After a while, your friends may get sick of your ranting and depression. Your friends can try and comfort and cajole you, but only you yourself have the ability to convince yourself that you are worth something. Putting on a woebegone mood occasionally is fine - your friends can give you that fillip needed. But putting on that down mood for extended periods of time can make you lose friends.
• People have their own lives. So entertain yourself. Including chatting.Don't expect others to worry or think about your plights and problems. Acting pity or displaying angst does correlate to increased attention, but it is not a direct relation - it is not a cause and effect. Having people to fret over you and show concern over you can give you loads of endorphins and is addictive, but make sure it does not lead to dependency. So whatever you have in your life, don't bother to announce it to the world.
  And bottom line...
• Do not regret what you did.
  This is the most important statement. Make sure whatever you do, when you turn back you can cherish it rather than make it an irremovable stain.

Think about whatever I said.

Some may seem selfish, some may seem practical. But whatever it is, keep those worthy of caring close, and sometimes those facebook circulations can be true!

Anyway, I am indeed trying some new vocabulary. Hehe (:

Upheaval

note to self: time for an upheaval

I am saying this because I am attention seeking.

I really do want to swear now. But I shall not swear.
Fuck this shit. I should just make myself so occupied I do not need to think about other people - when other people have their own lives as well.

To do:
Make new blog pictures.

Plank

In a relationship, be it romantic or platonic, how do you measure how interested is one party into it? How do you know whether you are probably "trying too hard" or whether it is not worth your time and "initiation efforts"?
Let's take an analogy that everyone might be familiar with, be it personally or not. A guy has a crush on a girl, but the to her, he is probably just an average John Doe in the class or school. I am not sexist, it may happen the other way round. To the guy, the girl means everything (figuratively) to him. To the girl, the guy means almost nothing to him - other than a cordial relationship. Hence, any observer (including me) will probably make the conclusion that in this particular boy-girl relationship, the relationship is too skewed towards the boy as he is trying to improve his end of the relationship.
I believe that a relationship is like a.. plank, or a rope, or something connecting the 2 people together (Too bad for love triangles or rectangles or whatever) In other for the relationship to gain "new heights" (pun intended), both sides must raise their ends of the plank or rope or connecting thing. Therefore, any party alone will be unable to raise the height of the relationship significantly.
So back to the analogy. The boy consistently tries to improve on the relationship; by trying to get near to the person, chatting up with the person or simply helping her in whatever ways he can.  However, the girl does not get the signal/ignores him and does nothing. After a period of time, one can visualise the plank becoming heavily tilted towards the girl's end. After a sustained period of time, the boy will probably be (figuratively and literally) trying to push the relationship higher but has an inherent limit (we all have limited heights).
So my question is, in such an analogy, do we act the pragmatic and tell the guy to give up his hopes, as he could channel his energies into other things? Or do we act the romantic person and tell the guy to keep on trying and maintaining his stand for one day the girl might notice and push her end up as well?
Basically, how do we know if we should give up or hang on? Or like what many people do now, just let go, let the plank drop slowly to some equilibrium and leave it there?


Now another question to think about, how do one "push" his end of the plank up?


In your relationship with friends, how many times do you initiate interactions with them? How many times do they initiate interactions with you? Are these indicators of your interest to them and their interest to you? Think back to the analogy above.
When I say "initiate", I mean any form of initiation, be it via phone messaging, online messaging, meet-ups or even face to face talking - is there a dominant person initiating interactions? Or is there a balance?
Furthermore, if the initiations do happen, do they only happen at certain times of your life? School? At work? What about the daily nights or Saturday or Sundays? It certainly says something when you only interact with the person during "work time" - it probably means you and the person are just colleagues. 


I have been ruminating over this issue. Sometimes I really wonder if I am trying too hard to get closer to people or make people think I am "helpful" and "friendly"?


Am I just too analytical?
Am I too worried over such things?
Am I feeling lonely?
Or am I just too attention seeking?
Or do I just long for some caring again?