Starlight

Not the song from Muse, neither is it 星亮 in Chinese.
It is 星光 in Chinese, and it is not as pretty as what you admire in the midnight skies.

It represented the last hurdle of my training, the toughest training we would ever have for the past 6 months.

It is an open secret, but I am still not supposed to be saying what I am going to say, so I have to keep mum about it. =/
It has been tiring weeks away from the creature comforts - or whatever make do we can - that reside in our sheltered nests at home. Firstly, you are literally cut off from the world. Be it being set back by 21 episodes of 爱, or not knowing that NSFs are given some $$ to their Medisave, or not knowing that it is Mooncake Festival coming soon. Secondly, you only care about one weather which in the end - I don't know whether to say it was a pity or a blessing - did not arrive. (I have this sadistical yet innocent like a child's curiousity to have a first hand experience at some natural disasters, well you won't get that in Singapore won't you?) Thirdly, you have hardly a proper day's rest between each of the sub-exercises. Worst still, the going gets tougher. Lastly, you have great sadistical enjoyment soaking in the screwed up weather - where it gets scorching hot and dry in the morning and cold, windy and wet in the afternoon + offering ur body and blood to the 101 insects (now the phrase "流血汗" has a new meaning)

But there were some lessons I learnt:
1. Your body is tougher than you think it is. Despite the unruly weather, most of us got away without falling ill - in fact bodily injury was more common than sickness.
2. When the going gets tough, it is a battle between your will and despair - and you are not alone.
3. Take care of yourself first, because if you don't no one else will take care of you in the end. Of course I am not saying to be selfish, but don't do silly things like bring lesser underwear.
4. Sometimes you need to be flexible, and at the same time having contigency plans to cover your own ass if need be.
5. Empty vessels make the most noise.

Up for you how you comprehend the 5 statements - there are the good, bad and ugly. Especially with the experienced talking alot of things but not moving.


When it came to R&R, that was the fun part - or rather not so fun. I tried most of the food that I set out to try: 臭豆腐 (smelly toufu), 鸡排 (chicken cutlet), oyster meesua, 牛肉面 (beef noodles) and  奶茶 (milk tea). Well some of the food already exist in Singapore - commonly sold by Shilin Street Snacks and other drink stations - but I wanted to taste for myself the original! And what a blast it was! Haha now I taste Singapore 奶茶 with a pinch of .. salt? heh
too bad Tsai said the smelly toufu not smelly hence not authentic enough - I agree though. I thought it would be some interesting taste but it ended up just like another piece of toufu that seemed to have grown lots of holes.

I also think my chilli tolerance has possibly increased? Good news for many I hope - but still I won't willingly take chilli. I think chilli robs the natural taste of the food la, and leaves the tingly sensation on ur tongue >.<

Anyway, most of taiwan's chinese is in traditional form, hence hindering my attempts to comprehend them with my already broken Chinese language rawr! But then I managed to help Syamil converse with the locals now and then, way to go Kevin! :) I think my Chinese might have also improved heh.

I bought a nice short sleeve shirt for myself at 伍份. I think its like one of my maiden spending on myself? Well it was nice and I felt I looked good inside and since I am on R&R and since I am already 19 and since I have no nice clothes so why not just get 1 shirt? Besides we bargained and it was for a neat below SG$25!

I think my most fun trip was to Shilin la. The food there, actually the night market resembled our own hawker centre - where all the shops almost sell the same thing and first-time travellers can only discern the good and bad by the number of customers (my standard way of finding which is better) eating. Well isn't that skill similiar to queueing up at the longest queue in Singapore? Also I went to ride a mechanical bull - waiting for Syamil to upload it heh. wa got tossed around like mad, especially with a first-timer like me who don't even know what to expect. But it was maddening good fun, and a 3-day leg ache at the thighs.

overall, maybe cuz i am Chinese hence I did not really get a culture shock when I entered Taiwan. But one culture difference that is quite distinct is that Taiwanese generally dont let you try their clothes (applicable to road-side shops la) on, only allow you to compare to ur body but not physically put it on.

the R&R was indeed a good holiday, a good 3-day reward for our 17 day chiong-suaing :)

gosh.. wasted $68.48

argh...

catching up

catching up.. is really something that fuel's a human need: social interaction.
also, it is really nice (like .. nice) to talk to good old friends, especially with relationships that have lasted years.
yes..
so good!

YOG

watching the YOG opening ceremony now.
I can't say I am impressed, because I am not really impressed. Yes we are praised for our logistical genius and I can concede with that, but for our creativity, there is still much room for improvement.

But something more compelling which drove me to comment is the country presentation. Basically the last part - the most important part - is the showcase of all the participating countries. I know it is difficult to coordinate with hundreds of athletes, but this segment should be almost picture perfect. It is atrocious to see youths walking around with their flag trying to find their respective placard with their country's name. Why can't they pause to let the athlete wave their flag for a while, to take in the audience, before walking away to form up at their positions? It is disrespectful to the flag, and doesn't mean they are youths the importance and solemnity of the flag should be undermined.  To quote a sgt, fast is slow, and slow is fast. Why bother walking so fast when the flagbearer cannot catch up, hence making it quite disorganised.

However, I must say it was quite an eye-opener. In some ways I felt that the YOG had more emphasis than the NDP, in terms of the more elaborate costumes and performance. What is more satisfying is the filled up seats of not Singaporeans but rather people from 205 countries. Also I like the fact that youths from different countries were roped in for the performances, which (my vocab is failing) demonstrates the spirit of YOG. Also, I like the water-ed part of the platform, adds quite nice effects and enhances the visual feast.

Personally, I did not understand some of the performance in the YOG, especially why the involvement of so many little children in the performances. Ok I agree that some children can be involved to add some "young blood", but then this is a YOG not a COG? =/ maybe I am just being too particular.

The last part, especially the official torch lighting segment, was dramatic and hence exciting. I liked the super lit boat, and the running down of the torch bearer, and of course it was a good choice to give Darren, since he has been two time champion and hence "worthy" of it :)

In general, I am quite proud that Singapore managed to get the hosting rights for this inaugural YOG. it will seriously put Singapore on the world map, and it is one big advertising feature to youths - the future spenders and leaders. Also we get to know quite a number of less-known countries too - well we were one before weren't we?

NDP

watching NDP with my parents now
must say this year's one is quite big, and destructive - millions of grass of the Padang kena trampled on

I do not quite like the new song, well its an attempt to be "relevant" and hence such a modern song, but hey sorry I still settle for the old catchy "Count on me Singapore", "Stand up for Singapore" and "Home" songs, those are more closer to my heart, maybe because they were taught to me in Primary School? Haha.
But anyway, with my entry into NS I now understand abit more of the parade proceedings, including the Malay commands and the parade proceedings. I could also show off my knowledge to my parents on the various weaponry system that the Army has =)

Looking at the various performers, sometimes I wish I could also participate in one parade, like being on stage or backstage. Or maybe part of the videos that they show. Somehow every year they supposedly get hundreds of people but I am not chosen? Why ah? I have heard about how tough the various rehearsals are, but then what things aren't tough? My POP parade from BMT was also pretty tough but at the end of it the satisfaction is still fulfilling! .. mmm

Anyway, regarding this year's theme about Dreams, Father posed me that question. Personally, my current dream is mainly to have a great healthy family with us having enough to be contented. No need lavish, but just enough to live happily, and possibly afford some holidays now and then. But then my short term dream, I still really don't know - you can tell from my current inaction. Maybe I have yet to mature, maybe I have yet to grow up? I hope my 2 years in NS can show me the light.
Then what is your dream?

updates!

wow, its been almost a month since I last blogged. I am sure some people would have missed me greatly :)
many things have happened in this short span of time
like for instance my intelligence has dropped (ok I have been musing about this, but it has really happened - ask my friends)
I have also finished all but one key event for my SGT training - including the uber Grandslam and 32km CSB march. I tell you, one have no slightest idea how the heck one could even walk that 32km with the 15kg load on your body. It was really a mind over body challenge, where at the first 4km you were so shag you could tell yourself to give up, but somehow you made it to see the day (cuz we marched from 2000 to 0300)
I hope that my training in ROC would be the same, shag but I will somehow pull it through - well many have done it already what - and then rightfully earn my SGT rank and my pay increase :D
And with the pay increase, it will be when my amount spent < amount earned = savings! :D

anyway watching Ai now, wahaha. yes its an auntie show but practically my whole family (ok its only 3 people to begin with) is watching it and this is probably one of the rare times i watched the Sunday episode in full - cuz I have to book in by 2130 on sunday most of the time? <3 long weekend breaks!
and ya I listened to the national day speech and of cuz this is a happy national day cuz I have a long weekend break? Thanks SAF :) i think i deserved it =/

and ya, where did lai jialing go! oh man why are the pretty girls so stupid? for jialing, its like duh ur husband is an asshole and such a loser why do you still bother sticking with him? must be stupidity is proportionate to her prettiness sia. (I think shuhua also nt too bad, and she's pretty dumb too)
ok ai is pretty much a show that can go on and on, I think its like a show that dictate the lives of a few families for pretty much past few years lol. always got new plots, and mainly cuz of the stupid people. zzz

anyway, it has been .. 6 months into army life already. you are learning quite alot, in terms of perspectives. sometimes you wish you could believe certain people, but then there will always be this so called 'practical', 'self-centred' nature that will always be the devil advocate, making you turn a deaf ear against them. and also, you have to learn to "defend" yourself sometimes, cuz there's something called limits (in chiem terms - donor fatigue)
and also, it has also been 6 months since army came between us. glad we have some backdoor access now and then :) wheee, hope it can be maintained this way, and I hope you do not feel any less neglected by me, for it is sometimes Hobson's choice la :P.. remember its still a test eh?

so ya, been idling around alot. I need to get back to work regarding my tertiary education. there have to be that spark in me, but where is it?

just read an article by Lee Wei Ling on her musing about why genuine giving is just so difficult. coincidentally, her thoughts seem to be in common with mine too - on why special feats and events must be carried out (like a disabled fella travelling hundreds of kilometres) in order for money to be raised.
similarly in Singapore, money have to be spent on celebrity appearances, organising charity shows and getting stuntmen perform heart-stopping feats in order to get more money in.
and there are also similar examples which I have witnessed around me in camp; people will only budge if there is a huge incentive/consequence tied to it.

well, it seems that the idea of genuine giving is highly impractical and only exists in an utopian world. ok, let me change it; it is, not it seems. there are good people around who willingly give - in a form of effort, sweat and time - but there are more "bad" people than good around.

actually, after typing so long I still don't know what I want to drive at. I do hope that there will be more people who actively volunteer and give for the betterment of others, but obviously there are people who don't. I will love to hate them, but they are with me for now, and hence I just suck thumb.
I am not asking for super uber chiong-sua people, but people who have consideration and just clear the rubbish, sweep the floor or arrange the bunk whenever they can instead of constantly going up bunk and sleep at the slightest moment.

FINALLY I CAN PLAY BASKETBALL :D

what do I actually want for my career?
what are my aspirations?

where has that spark and fire in me disappeared?

ok, back to army
it will indeed be a gruelling 13 weeks of training, but I will persevere and continue on!
Well, I am already having a mini trial into how much pain I can really endure - had a rope burn (not so severe, but the blisters have the skin peeled off) whilst climbing some rope. get into a shower, or wash your hands, and you will be in a jolly good time trying to resist the thousands of red guard ants biting your fingers, or the sharp, burning sensation in your fingertips - till the point I actually wince. After that, it is the inconvenience of being left with 3 fingers (not like the last finger is of much use in fact), especially in tying laces!
also, it was a decision to whether to continue running or just giving up and walk back, since i definitely failed by timing - in the end it was purely a battle between mind and body, as what I discovered. Pushing yourself, and not pushing yourself, just for the sake of training your body up. Furthermore, it is also the fine line between pushing yourself enough, or not enough.

for once, i really discovered and realised first hand, the meaning of determination.
but then again, when will there be too much determination that it results in over-exertion? maybe I should try it out too!


so thinking of it in the big picture, there will be inconveniences and pain (suffering) to come. but it is a matter of gritting your teeth, thinking of it in a different light, and going through it.

at the end of it all, when you look back, you can look back with a smile, and with a whole lot of experience and that satisfying "I have done it"