30 habits to break before 30

Currently in a middle of a crisis at work. No worries, there were no explosions, no deaths. No human casualties, just profit (and scorecard) casualties. 

But it's also a good time to reflect on myself, and my working habits, and me in general. 


Shan't go into details - as I just decided to post this while taking a break from work. However, came across this Business Insider article (I think it might be "divine intervention), and thought, why not do a tracking of this for myself?

Habit to Break	Current Status
Living for the weekends.	[In progress]
Supporting fast fashion.	[CLEARED] Nope, I don’t like to support fast fashion. On the contrary, I think I don’t have enough clothes :P
Thinking social smoking is ‘OK.’	[CLEARED] Nope, don’t smoke.
Clinging on to friendships that have run their course.	[In progress] First I need to see which friendships have “run their course”
Not having a bed time.	[In progress] Now my bed time is defined by how tired I feel, not defined by a habit.
Thinking that you can rely on your metabolism to keep weight off.	[In progress] So guilty of this…. Right now my metabolism is still in good shape.
Drinking cheap wine.	[CLEARED] I think I’m choosy enough for the alcohol I drink, and I drink with friends who know their alcohol (:
Taking special moments with friends for granted.	[In progress] Trying my best. But not sure if I’ve achieved what this statement entails
Compromising on what you deserve in a relationship.	[In progress] What do I deserve?
Doing things because you think you ‘should.’	[In progress] Technically I’m never forced to do things. But then again, how do I discern between “should” and “want”?
Putting your physical health before your mental health.	[CLEARED] I think I’m ok with this. I’m ok with all the physical health habits that I’ve been putting myself through.
Fad diets.	[CLEARED] What are fad diets?
Not collecting membership points and air miles.	[In progress] Yup, the uncle in me is doing it. Haven’t reached the final goal, but certainly on the path.
Spending time with people who make you feel insignificant.	[In progress] So far have been blessed with friends who do not do this to me (:
Buying non-eco friendly cleaning products.	[CLEARED] Can I disqualify this? :P
Cancelling plans at the last minute.	[In progress] Yup, word.
Running out of money at the end of the month.	[CLEARED] Privileged enough to not have to meet this issue. Guess that’s the benefit of living with working parents.
Putting off difficult conversations.	[In progress] Yup, more word.
Kidding yourself about things that are important.	[In progress] Yup, even more word
Barely drinking any water.	[CLEARED] On the contrary, I drink enough water to go toilet more often than necessary.
Staying out all night on a regular basis…	[In progress] Well, I stay out all night for OT. And I do stay out for drinks now regularly.. maybe once a week? But that should be fine I hope.
…Then wasting entire days hungover.	[CLEARED] Got hungover once. But that’s all. More of wasting entire days to Dota/Youtube/Sleep. But I think I have managed this.
Midnight McDonald’s stops.	[CLEARED] Same as the previous ones. I do this occasionally – now still young so can!
Not looking after your teeth.	[In progress] This reminds me I’m supposed to go for a dental checkup since 6 months ago.
Not wearing sunscreen.	[CLEARED] Got natural sunscreen – melanin.
Constantly worrying about what people think.	[In progress] Oh man… also constantly worrying what people feel.
Not having a long-term plan.	[In progress] Yup!
Not sending back unwanted online purchases.	[In progress] I don’t really shop online. But I’ll include this as my version: not unnecessarily buying things.
Trying to store all important dates and appointments in your head.	[In progress] Well, this is the cause of this shit.
Buying a coffee each morning.	[CLEARED] Never needed. Lucky. Let’s hope it stays this way.

Frog in boiling water

"Whoa why you work so late?"

My typical answers:
- This is the problem when we are too responsible: (What I want to portray: LOL, good one; What I'm probably portraying: Just being cocky)
- There's just alot of work to do
- If I don't work, I also go home play Dota, might as well be more productive

And then I just read this short post on the frog in boiling water story - a story all of us should be very familiar of. 

And my friend literally... like when I'm typing this... just told me "its like i didn't know how toxic my last environment was until i experienced a new one"... which is the hindsight of the story.

How do I maintain this "youthfulness", this "innocence", this "bright eyed, highly motivated, want-to-save-the-world" mindset, where I believe that everyone is doing their best, everyone wants to help each other and everyone is being nice?
However, I can slowly understand why working adults get jaded with life. Why usual advice given by "people with experience" fundamentally takes the form of: "protect yourself". Be it ensuring you have black & white when making decisions or in meetings, or trying not to volunteer yourself too readily, or drawing boundaries in roles & responsibilities.
There are "positive" reasons and "negative" reasons. For instance, having black and white evidence means that there's something that the team can fall back on - because honestly our memories can't serve us very well when there's information overload each working day. However, having black and white evidence can also be used as a form of a shield (or even sword) in times of crisis.
Both reasons are logical per se. But what differentiates them is the mindset of behind the reason. The person who believes in the former reason would probably be judged as being more naive than the person firmly believing in the latter reason.

But isn't it sad that "naivety", which can be a form of optimism, disappears?

This balance has to be carefully managed. 
I'm ok to OT because I want to help my team. Because if not me, then who? My team mates who themselves are also drowning? We are all in this together. But sometimes, the thought of just "why am I doing this?" or "am I foolish" creeps in. But I try to stem it before it gets control of my head. Because ultimately, there's no "I" in teamwork is there?

I'm also lucky to be in a privileged position where I can make this decision. I don't mind OT because I don't have significant other responsibilities. 

Nevertheless, it still can be exhausting sometimes...

"You seem to be interested in everything, but what is it that you are really interested in?"

"People don't know what to talk to you about."

"Beyond helping people, who are you?"

Thanks for posing these questions. 

Older, but wiser?

It's about a week ago, and the experience is still fresh in my memory. With the recent memory lapses, I can't trust myself to remember that experience - so why not digitally etch it in my binary notebook?

Squash in the morning with Eeboon and Yurong. Eeboon initially wanted to jio me for squash but didn't want to disrupt my birthday. Well, I clarified that it would actually be a very apt start to my birthday since I legit enjoy it. And no chances were given cause it's my birthday - I would be upset if they did that :P As usual, after each session there would be a mental reminder to work on my backhand, and reaction time. And now my stamina. Gosh, I'm old.
And Yurong gave me this cake from Breadtalk. Lol, so cute sia. A for effort.

After that it was lunch with Eeboon and Xf, with $5 Hainanese curry rice at Clementi. Yumz ^^. Treated myself to curry chicken and the char siew. Ok la, it doesn't matter if it was my birthday since I'll eat it anyway.

Then 2 dota games followed in the afternoon. And no chances were given cause it's my birthday. In fact I think I lost both games ): 

Dinner was at Fat Cow. Beef was really great, different level from what you normally get here. Then again, Singapore isn't really a "beef" country - we love to eat beef, but we don't/can't grow our own beef here. It's also interesting seeing the waiter is probably much younger than me (maybe JC or poly student?) and he's going through his well-rehearsed lines and trained gesturing. Then there was this mental debate about how companies can ensure exceptional service while training their new staff. Would probably go back again, but this time with another beef eater. 

And then there was this unexpected finale. So Yuan Ming jio-ed me out for dinner, saying he wanted to meet me to catch up as his girlfriend was busy and it was my birthday. Well, we were supposed to be meeting for like the longest time, and so I agreed. Meeting point was at Pump Room at Clarke Quay. Turns out that it was surprise birthday celebration planned by him, Leon, Hui jie and Ji Inn for me and Sey Chee (her birthday is 1 day later). When the cake came out and I saw them, I initially couldn't my eyes. But yea, they were there alright. And to top it off, they booked Teoheng at 11pm. So we K-ed from 11 till 2am. I don't know where I get all the energy from, but it was there. We just "high"-ed all the way through the night.

Once I started work I just thought that such days would no longer apply to me. And being single, why would there be a surprise being planned for me?

Sidenote: Lost my iPod amidst being stunned/shocked/surprised. The iPod has served me for a great 4 years. It has amazing battery life, still synchronizes with the computer well, works like a charm, and definitely as reliable as old Nokia phones. But it's ok, I gained something that night too (:

Special Mentions:
Adeline for singing a birthday song to me via whatsapp call. Omg it's like been a while since I last talked to anyone on the phone other than work. And it felt both weird yet funny at the same time.

My P&G team mates for getting a cake while having claypot with me

Thanh/Clara/Shawn/Ankit/Daniel/Clarice for wishing (: